


A Thin Line

by curiousconstellations



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 78,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4245585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiousconstellations/pseuds/curiousconstellations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian Jones and Emma Swan have at least one thing in common: their mutual hatred for each other. When a work assignment forces them to be around each other they discover that perhaps the lines between emotions are sometimes difficult to distinguish. (Modern CS AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

'Hey Jones, I managed to score some passes to New York Fashion Week this year so you can attend and maybe write something of interest for once. You better get some good scoop because if this piece doesn't hit the target view count the fashion department is getting cut and you'll be fired, so make it count.'

Regina Mills, creator and editor in chief of 'The Big Apple' was like the Evil Queen in real life, poisoning her employee's with her scare mongering tactics to increase ratings for her online newspaper. Killian had been on the receiving end plenty of times but this time her threat felt very real and he grits his teeth at the thought of losing this job.

Although he hates working in the fashion department (and the ridiculous teasing from the rest of the office that had gotten way too old now) it's a job he was relieved to get after searching for a while after graduating. Having a degree definitely doesn't help on the job front these days.

'Looks like you'll be living the dream of every 16 year old girl, Killian.' Will snorts when he sees the fashion week passes on the desk when he walks by.

'You laugh now Scarlet, but I'll be rubbing shoulders with beautiful models and celebrities while you're stuck in the office all week.' Killian replies, swinging one of the lanyards around his index finger casually.

'Yeah, yeah you and Emma will be living the glamorous life while the rest of us will actually work for a living, I've heard it all.' Will sighs, but Killian freezes at the name of the woman Will mentioned.

'Emma is coming?'

'Yeah, didn't you know? Regina has her writing some piece about sexism in the fashion industry, clearly she thought Emma was more capable of writing it than you.' Will jokes, raising an eyebrow tauntingly.

Emma Swan, an opinion piece writer that Regina may just hate as much as she does Killian, was one of the worst things about working here. He hates her more than he thought possible, with her long blonde hair that he somehow always finds strands of around the office and her sweet perfume that seems to cling to everything around him. She's stubborn and despite the fact that she keeps to herself everything she does infuriates him.

'No, I didn't.' Killian sighs, sitting back in his chair and groaning. They tend to keep to their own departments at work but spending a whole week with Emma makes him almost want to quit right now.

'If you don't want to go I will, I've been trying to bang Swan for months now.' Will laughs, playfully punching his shoulder like they're college kids and not grown men at work. Killian forces a laugh too and shakes his head before open up his laptop to find out the shows and designers he'll be writing about.

Will goes back to his own desk and Killian is left alone for a few minutes before a sweet floral smell hits him and he knows Emma is nearby. She's standing over at the photocopier, refilling the paper tray (that's about the only thing she does that he likes) and he watches her closely. He's not blind; he can't deny that she's beautiful but there's just something about her that puts him on edge. Perhaps it's her cold exterior that puts him off, and the fact that in the 11 months they've worked together he's never seen her smile. He doesn't trust people that never smile.

He doesn't know much about her actually, besides the fact that she rarely laughs, talks or smiles. He's never seen her taking any personal phone calls or seen anyone visit or pick her up from the office. Killian is suspicious of the fact that she seems to have no life outside of work, but then again his strong dislike for her may be a sentiment shared by others. He actually feels something like a wave of pity for her as he watches her silently fight with the paper tray. It must be lonely being a miserable hag at 30.

'You're doing it wrong, Swan.' He sighs, and she looks up at him with a cold stare and a deep furrow of her eyebrows.

'How would you know? You seldom change the damn thing yourself.' Emma scoffs at him and he clenches his fist on his desk before standing up and walking over to her.

'You have to angle it the right way. Stubbornly shoving it in awkwardly doesn't work.' He tells her in a slightly patronizing tone and she stands up straight and huffs at him, her blonde curls falling around her flushed cheeks.

'Is that what all the girls tell you, Jones?' She asks, and he's taken back by her starkness. Emma Swan wasn't exactly a polite conversationalist but he had never thought of her as someone so crude.

'At least I have a sex life, Swan.' He retorts, watching her roll her eyes and bend down to continue ramming the paper tray back in. He sighs and grabs onto the tray himself, overlapping her hands to re-position the tray and slide it gently back in.

'See, all it takes it someone who knows what they're doing, which I can assure you, I very much do.' Killian says smugly, hoping she gets the double entendre. Emma pulls her hands out from under his and sneers at him, clearly catching the meaning of his words and is unimpressed. He'd never noticed how green her eyes were, having never been this close to her before. They are rather beautiful but the anger in them spoils the beauty slightly and he steps back.

'Have you ever even been in love?' He asks bluntly, pushing the tension between them one step further. He sees a glint of something in her eye before her expression hardens again. He had just blurted out the question without much thought but he's curious to know her answer.

'No, I have never been in love.' She bites out before snatching up her freshly printed photocopies and stalking off back to her desk. It wasn't like her to actually respond, particularly not so honestly. He returns to his own desk and finds himself wondering what on earth her tragic backstory is to result in such a cold, distant persona. Killian tries to think about something else when he looks over a while later and sees Emma subtly wiping beneath her eyes.

* * *

Emma passionately hates this man. Killian Jones, the arrogant son of a bitch that works in fashion, acting like he's God's gift to women because he has a penis and knows the different types of necklines on dresses. Emma knows he actually hates working in the fashion department, specifically because he originally interviewed for the very job she was given, but he spins it so it seems like he's this ground breaking stud who understands female interests while always emphasizing his own interest in females.

He's made his feelings towards her very clear, but the feeling is mutual and she really doesn't care that he flirts with all the women in the office except her (and Regina but she finds it disturbing imagining her boss trying to flirt anyway).

Emma assumes his fierce dislike for her is due to her getting the job he wanted, but it's a hell of a grudge to keep for almost a year. Now with this new piece Regina has her writing, she's going to be attending Fashion Week with him and she literally wants to crawl under her desk and die. She will definitely be drinking up all the complimentary champagne she can get if she has to witness him flirting with all the models they bump into.

She thinks about his question, the one about being in love, and her heart sinks. It was like a slap in the face, the way he said it like he already knew the answer, like she was incapable of love (like she was incapable of _being_ loved). Neal's face appears in her mind and she bites her lip and stares intensely at her computer screen, the words on the open document blurring together as her eyes fills up.

Emma blinks furiously to stop the tears, catching the stray ones beneath her eyes before they can fall any further down her cheeks. Perhaps the arrogant asshole is right after all.

She inhales and refuses to let herself cry over this anymore, robotically typing until the clock hits 5 and she can leave. Killian beats her out the building and she sees him kissing a pretty brunette across the street, his hand resting on her hip before they climb into a cab and drive away.

Emma looks away and walks the couple of blocks to where she's parked her yellow bug in an alley. It's completely unsafe but she can't afford the rate of the parking garages around here so she risks her car getting stolen everyday (she had obtained it by stealing it so she knew just how easy it was).

She hears voices from the other side of the door as she pulls out her keys and she's actually glad to hear the numerous voices of her closest friends inside the apartment.

'Hey, guys.' Emma calls when she gets in, smiling when she hears a chorus of 'hey Emma' greeting her. Mary Margret, Ruby and Ashley are in the kitchen, the various ingredients of alcoholic cocktails already out on the counter.

'Ruby needed a girl's night so I offered our apartment.' Mary Margret explains, and Emma feels a twinge of guilt for making her seem so apologetic for inviting their friends over.

'That's great, I'm in need of one too after today.' She sighs, slipping off her shoes as she shrugs off her jacket and hangs it up on the hook beside the door.

'Oh, what happened to you?' Ruby asks curiously before knocking back a mouthful of tequila already.

'You first.' Emma replies, sliding onto the remaining stool at the breakfast bar in the kitchen and gratefully accepting the glass of rum Mary Margret hands her.

'Well you know how I had thought Granny was going to sign over the diner to me when she retired? It turns out she's giving it to complete strangers instead.' Ruby explains, her voice shaking with both sadness and anger.

'So now I'm just a 30 year old waitress with no skills beyond serving people coffee. I stayed there because I thought I would become the boss one day, maybe even open a chain but clearly my own grandmother doesn't even believe in me.' Ruby starts to cry now and Emma slides over and gives her a hug as Mary Margret refills everyone's drinks efficiently.

They move to the couch with their drinks as Ruby cries over her unprepared future and Emma listens to her friend with sympathy. Working at Granny's had been her first ever job, waitressing after school with Ruby when they were 16. Then she went to Boston University (and put herself in way too much debt) before graduating and returning back to New York, grateful that Granny had offered her job back until she found another one.

Ruby had decided against college in the hope that she'd inherit the family business and now that plan is falling apart and Emma realizes how scary that must be for her (she has a job and she still worries about her own future too).

'Okay, I've cried enough for tonight so it's Emma turn to vent now.' Ruby shakes her arms and head as if to free herself of negativity before she wiggles in anticipation for Emma's story. She's sitting on a couple of cushions on the floor with her back against the coffee table, almost ready to go to sleep despite it only being 7 in the evening.

'Well it seems like nothing compared to what you're dealing with but I found out today that, while I get to go to Fashion Week, it's with Killian Jones.' Emma sighs, slurping the rest of her rum and coke through the straw before putting her glass down and looking for more alcohol.

'You mean the really hot guy in your office that's a total asshole?' Ashley asks and Emma rolls her eyes as she pours out some of a purple coloured cocktail Mary Margret made.

'Yeah, I mean he's not _that_ hot, but anyway we have the same passes and stuff so I'm going to be spending all week with him, getting a front row view of him hitting on all the models.' Emma sneers, making a face at both Killian and the cocktail (too much curacao, but she doesn't say anything to Mary Margret).

'But is he really that bad? I mean obviously he's a player but maybe underneath all that bravado there might actually be a nice guy.' Ruby suggests, her tears gone now that she has something to distract her mind with.

'Today he asked me if I had ever been in love.' Emma blurts out, having not intended to actually share that detail. There's a collective silence between her friends as all three of their minds go to the same place and Emma slumps lower against the table.

'At least you get to watch all the models' reactions when they think he's gay at first.' Ashley grins and Emma laughs, appreciating the humour in a moment of thoughts about her past.

The rest of the night consists of pizza, movies, alcohol and a lot of laughing. Maybe Killian Jones thinks she has no life because she's not having sex with a different person every week, but she knows her friends are better than any disposable date.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who has taken an interest in this story already! I really appreciate it and hope it helps others get through the hiatus just as writing it does for me :)

'You're not going to Fashion Week dressed like that are you?' Killian frowns when he sees Emma making coffee in the small office kitchen. She's wearing jeans and a sweater, only ever mixing it up when she throws a blouse in the mix when it gets warmer. His eyes linger on the way her jeans hug the curves of her legs and ass before looking up at the disgusted expression on her face.

'You don't get paid to comment on _my_ fashion choices so shut up.' Her tone doesn't quite match her expression, but then he notices the bags under her eyes and wonders if she just doesn't have the energy to be harsh (or at least as harsh as she normally would) with him today.

The image of her crying at her desk comes back to him and he looks away from her, looking in the top cupboard for the cookies he stashed right at the back.

'You want one?' He asks genuinely and Emma's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. His offer surprised even him; he is notorious in the office for not sharing food, and yet here he was, offering Emma bloody Swan a damn cookie. She seems to think the same thing and eyes the pack suspiciously before he sighs and bites into one with a shrug.

'It's a limited offer, lass.' Killian says, putting the cookies on the table and turning to the coffee machine, holding back a grin when he sees her sit down and take one.

'So how are we going to work it out next week so we can see as little of each other as possible?' He asks once he puts cream and sugar in his coffee. Emma stops chewing the cookie she's eating and looks at him with wide eyes. Something is off with her today; usually she's all cold stares and witty comments but she's subdued and he pushes down the concern he feels, telling himself he's just curious about the lack of sarcasm spilling from her lips.

'Well I think it's obvious we don't like each other, Swan. I don't want to be there when you grill the models with your 'hard-hitting questions' and you don't want to be there when _I_ hit on those models, so it makes sense to part ways, does it not?'

Emma shrugs and looks away, finishing her cookie and grabbing her coffee as she moves to leave.

'Sure, I mean I need these people to take me seriously as a journalist and I can't very well do that with an asshole by my side, can I? We'll enter the shows and media events together but make our own way around the room.' Emma replies assertively, looking him up and down disapprovingly before walking off back to her desk.

He thinks he should probably be offended at her calling him an asshole and insinuating that he's embarrassing company but he supposes he prefers this to her wide-eyed, sheepish behaviour.

There's still a hint of her perfume between the smell of the coffee, the cookies and the ever-present burnt smell of the kitchen, but it irritates him slightly less than usual when he catches a hint of the lingering sweet smell of Emma Swan.

* * *

Emma isn't really sure how or why but she seems to be seeing a lot more of Killian Jones in the lead up to their shared assignment of fashion week. She's used to him ignoring her and yet he's acknowledged her more times this week than the entire 11 months they've worked together. Granted, it's mostly been condescending and undermining comments but he's no longer sticking to his tactic of pretending she doesn't exist. She still hates the guy though.

There's a new girl in the office today, barely in her 20s with bleach blonde hair, tanned skin and a white smile. She's interning or here for work experience, Emma isn't really sure nor does she care, but she can hear Killian flirting already, his British accent getting thicker as he tries to seduce the wide-eyed girl. She giggles and moves her hair off her shoulder flirtatiously and Emma rolls her eyes, finding her headphones and shutting herself off from the sickening display.

A little while later movement catches her eye and she sees Killian showing the girl around the office. Emma focuses intently on the word document in front of her, hovering her fingers over the keyboard in the hope that they will magically find inspiration and type out the rest of this piece she's been working on for 5 hours with less than 100 words typed up.

'This is Emma, she writes the opinion pieces for the paper. Don't be offended if she doesn't smile at you, she never smiles.'

What terrible timing that her music stopped playing as Killian walked by her desk, not even looking at her as he goes by (the girl gives a cold stare enough for the both of them though). She supposes the comment about never smiling isn't the worst he could say, and given he's only ever seen her in the office the comment is true in that respect.

Killian returns to his own desk 20 minutes later, lazily spinning on his chair like his doesn't have deadlines to meet and articles to write. She hates the ease with which he seems to glide through life and how he seems to have so few things to worry about and she realizes Killian Jones represents everything she hates about the way the world works. Emma exhales and leans back in her chair, frowning when she sees it's only 2pm.

'Swan, do you want to go the Jeremy Scott after party?' Killian asks from the other side of her desk and she lifts her head to look at him. First he offered her food (which he never does for anyone) and now he's inviting her to go to an after party with him next week? His confusing behaviour only irritates her further and she rolls her eyes.

'No thanks, those parties are full of 40 somethings pretending they're 21 again.' She replies with a sigh, re-entering the password on her computer to log back in.

'Good, because I wanted to take someone else so I need the extra invite.' Killian grins, giving her a once over before walking back to his desk. God, she hates him so much.

5pm couldn't come any sooner and she races out the door to be the first one out.

'Emma Swan?' A voice calls from behind as she leaves the office building. She turns to see who spoke and she feels her mouth fall open a little.

'Walsh.'

'Hey, Emma.'

* * *

Killian rubs his forehead as Emma rushes past his desk to leave the office. He's never seen her in such a hurry before and he wonders what's gotten her so fired up. He turns of his computer and heads out himself, not sure if he was imagining the smell of her perfume in the stairway.

He runs through the women he's seen recently, trying to think which one he could bring to the after party now that Emma isn't coming. He wasn't sure why he asked, and he isn't sure if he's relieved at her rejection or disappointed. Killian is confusing himself and he groans in frustration as he throws the outer door open with a bit more force than necessary.

He stops at the sight of Emma a few steps away, laughing with some guy who bumps her shoulder as they walk down the street. He realizes why she was desperate to leave now and he looks away. It seems like she does have a life outside of the office after all.

Killian sighs when he reaches his apartment, slinging his backpack down by the door, exhaling as he looks around. The answerphone is flashing and he presses the play button as he opens the refrigerator and stares at the lack of food in there.

 _Hey it's Liam, just checking in on my little brother. The kids want to come see their Uncle Killy soon_ _so let me know when it would be best for us to come over. Hope to see you soon, bye._

The message sounds rather light-hearted from someone who had yelled at him the last time they spoke. It had been a year and a half since Liam, his wife and their kids came to visit from England, and about 5 months since they last spoke on the phone, which had ended with Killian throwing the phone across the room and swearing to the empty apartment.

Liam is the exact opposite of Killian; he has a secure job in the Royal Navy, he's married with two kids and lives in a beautiful cottage in the English countryside, a far cry from his own lifestyle. The eldest brother also seems to think this gives him the right to lecture Killian on what he is doing with his life (or not doing). Their last conversation had been about Killian's wayward behaviour and how he was 'too old' to be running around New York City with a different woman every night and partying until the early hours of the morning.

Killian was tired of his brother's judgement of his life, particularly as Liam had all but said he was a failure for how he was living. Both of them were too proud to apologize for the argument so they had ignored each other for months, although Killian assumes Liam's wife convinced him to reach out, hence the message where he used his children as an excuse to see his brother.

Killian sighs and shuts the refrigerator door, ignoring the phone for now as Liam will be asleep given the 5 hour time difference. He makes a mental note to himself to call back tomorrow afternoon, knowing he should really patch things up with the only family he has.

He orders a pizza and shuffles through the mail, cursing under his breath at the amount of bills he needs to pay. He showers and gets out just in time for the pizza arriving, eating a few slices and leaving the rest in the box for later before putting on his black shirt and jeans and getting the subway to Mulligan's.

Getting there just in time for the start of his shift, he heads straight behind the bar, returning David's grateful smile as he helps him out with the busy Thursday night crowd. He's serves plenty of beer, flirts with the women and pours himself a glass of rum to help him get through the long night. Luckily there's a lull in the crowd around the bar soon after he starts working and he pulls out the rarely used stool to take a seat, glad to give his feet a few minutes break.

It's when he's casually scanning the pub that he sees her and he's glad he's sitting down. She's sitting in the corner booth, tucked in beside the guy he saw her with earlier. Two other people sit on the opposite side of the booth, the guy with his arm around the other girl and it looks like a double date.

From what he can see of her, Emma is wearing a navy blue blouse with her hair in curls around her shoulders, and she's smiling. He realizes that when he saw her with the guy on the street earlier it had been the first time he had ever heard her laugh, and this was the first time he had seen her smile. This Emma is like a different person to the one he sees in the office every day, and he's surprised to find himself attracted to her, at least physically anyway.

'Who's the blonde?' Killian hears and he looks around to see David pull up the other stool and sit beside him. Killian shrugs it off with a confused look but David rolls his eyes and nods in the direction of Emma.

'You've been staring at the blonde woman over there for a while now. Killian Jones doesn't stare longingly at women, they stare longingly at you. So what's the deal?' David leans against the counter and crosses his arms, clearly not dropping this anytime soon.

'You know the woman in my office that I hate? Well, that's her.' Killian explains simply before David snorts.

'That is hardly a hateful gaze there, Killian. What happened, did you sleep with her? Is that why you 'hate' her, because she's with _that_ guy now?' David presses on. He always jokes about how easy Killian has it with the opposite sex and is clearly enjoying whatever problems is has with this one particular woman.

'No, I haven't slept with her, in fact I've barely spoken to her. But you know those people that just irritate you no matter what they do? She's that for me. God, I don't know what it is but she drives me crazy, and not in the good way.' Killian replies, taking a long drink of his rum while he continues looking over at Emma.

The guy beside her moves to put his arm around her shoulders, mirroring the couple on the other side of the booth. He can see the hesitation of the guy and the wide-eyed look of surprise on Emma's face before she relaxes into him and Killian frowns. Whatever it is between them is obviously new, or at least Emma seems unused to his touch. Killian finds himself watching their interactions closely before he shakes his head vehemently and finishes his rum, looking up to find David smirking at him.

'Come on mate, don't look at me like that.' He says, pushing the stool back under the bar as he sees a group of people enter the pub and head towards him.

'Let me know when you've slept with her.' David responds before putting on his smile for customers as they approach the bar. Killian looks over at Emma one last time before plastering on his own fake smile, trying desperately to ignore the hint of blonde curls in his peripheral vision.

* * *

'I guess it's my turn to get the round of drinks.' Emma says suddenly as she feels Walsh's arm tighten around her. He slides out of the booth to let her to get out and she tries to hide her relief at being free from the claustrophobic clutches of his arms. Ruby and Victor smile and request more beer as she takes out her purse and heads to the bar.

Walsh seems like a nice guy, but he's clearly far more comfortable with casual intimacy with someone he barely knows than she is. They had met when she was working at Granny's last year; he had ordered ten different things on the menu over the course of the morning, each time giving her a tip and a flirty smile.

He was moving to Philadelphia that week, which is apparently the reason he didn't ask her out, but now he's moved back to New York he wanted to find her. Ruby had gushed over how romantic is was, almost like a movie where the character realizes they love someone and were ridiculous for leaving and run back with a speech about love and how short life is and how _right_ this feels.

Emma secretly thinks Walsh tracking her down was slightly creepy, but she's keeping her opinions to herself for the time being.

'Can I get four beers please?' She asks the bartender, who gives her a smile before nodding.

'Coming right up.' He replies, and Emma smiles briefly before looking back at Walsh in their booth. He's an attractive man, but in the way that he's generally good looking but not necessarily attractive to _her_. He is tall with dark hair and a nice smile, which is usually her type, but there's something in the back of her mind that's stopping that ridiculous heart-fluttering, stomach flipping feeling you get when you're attracted to someone.

Maybe it's because she feels like she's been carried away with the tide, rather than causing the waves. Walsh suggested they get to know each other, Ruby suggested they go on a double date, Victor chose the bar and Emma seemed to just go along with it. She narrows her eyes as she looks over at her best friend, wondering if this is all some big set up that Ruby orchestrated to get Emma a boyfriend (she was doing just fine on her own, but Ruby is a hopeless romantic and believes all single people must be lonely and sad).

'Here you go, lass.' She hears from behind, and she knows who is it is before she even looks at him. He's wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and she can see a leather strap around his wrist and a small burn on his forearm.

'Do you work here as well or do you just enjoy randomly getting behind the bar?' Emma asks, trying to sound casual but it comes out awkwardly and she cringes at herself.

Killian pushes the tray of beers towards her and she notices the clench of his jaw before he practically forces himself to look up at her.

'I'm not doing it by choice.' He replies distantly and Emma fumbles with the zip on her purse as she gets out some cash to pay.

'I know what that's like.' She blurts out, noticing the way he avoids touching her hand as they exchange the money, although his hard expression softens for a moment in surprise.

'You have the highest paid position at the newspaper besides Regina, I hardly think you know what it's like to work two jobs.' Killian replies with a scoff and Emma suddenly remembers exactly who she's talking to.

'You know nothing about me, Jones.' She replies just as sharply.

'You're right, I know nothing about you and I still can't stand you.' Killian retorts. He looks surprised by his own admission, but there's also a hard glint of determination in his eye and he clearly isn't going to apologize or take back his words and Emma knows he really means it.

She takes the tray of beers and turns without another word, blinking profusely and gritting her teeth before putting on a smile for Walsh and her friends. Emma slides back into the booth beside Walsh and ignores all her previous issues with him, letting him put his arm around her like she's enjoying herself and not thinking about how Killian Jones hates her.

Emma could never really stand the guy either, but it was in an 'urgh my co-worker is so annoying' way, not the pure, unexplained hatred he seemed to feel for her. She feels uncomfortable for the rest of the night and tries not the think about the fact that it's because she can feel Killian's heavy gaze on her, practically burning a hole in the side of her head.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the feedback on the first two chapters! I haven't had much time to write recently but I hopefully will in the next few weeks and can update more regularly.

Fashion Week begins on Monday and the city is already buzzing with press, celebrities and models. Although he lives in the city, Killian booked a room in a quiet, relatively unknown hotel near the venue so he doesn't have to worry about getting to and from his apartment every morning and night for the next week. The hotel is on the floor above a café (one that thankfully isn't Starbucks) that serves his caffeine needs perfectly.

It's Sunday night and he is just heading back up to his room with fresh coffee when he sees the familiar swing of blonde hair in front of him in the hall and he groans loudly.

'What the bloody hell are you doing here?' He asks, frowning when Emma turns to look at him, her eyebrows high and her lips pursed with disdain.

'Well clearly we had the same idea of staying in a hotel for the week.' Emma shrugs, getting out her room key and stopping at the door he assumed was hers, across the hall from his no less.

'And what are the chances of us both choosing this hotel, out of the thousands around the city?' Killian demands. He feels like the universe is conspiring against him to make him see Emma Swan as much as possible. First with their joint work assignment, then with her suddenly appearing at the pub he works at and now the damn woman is sleeping across the hall from him.

'Well _I_ chose it because it's close to the venue, relatively cheap, quiet and isn't frequented by noisy travelling families or tourists. But obviously none of that matters because clearly you like to think I'm stalking you or something.' Emma says casually as she opens her door.

'Goodnight, Jones.' She gives him a fake, overly saccharin smile as she shuts the door on him before he can even respond, damning the bloody woman as he goes into his own room.

He turns on the TV and sits on the bed with his coffee, frowning at his laptop when he remembers he still has some work to finish off. It's only when he presses the power button he realizes he's left the charger in his apartment and he sighs in exasperation.

Killian waits half an hour, flicking through the channels on the TV absent-mindedly until enough time has passed and he clenches his jaw as he crosses the hall and knocks on Emma's door. She answers in what he assumes is her nightwear; small turquoise cotton shorts and a white tank top that accentuates her small waist. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and she tugs on it to tighten it as she looks at him expectantly.

'What do you want?' Emma asks roughly, sounding impatient already.

'I left my laptop charger at my place and I need to finish some work. I was wondering if I could borrow yours.' He explains, and he suddenly feels incredibly foolish. It sounds like a terrible excuse to come see her, even though he hadn't remotely wanted to see her or ask for her help. He scratches his ear awkwardly and her eyes narrow at the movement.

'Fine, but I want it back by the end of the night.' She relents, opening the door wider as she turns back into the room to get her charger. He notices her hair is damp and he can faintly smell her shampoo and feel the heat from the steam of the shower still clinging to the room.

His eyes drift lower, noticing the way her pajama shorts cling to her ass. He swallows and forces his eyes up, trying to not think about the fact that he just checked out Emma bloody Swan. It doesn't help that he notices she isn't wearing a bra under her tank top and he leans against the door frame in frustration.

He can still despise her while appreciating her beauty, after all it was never her physical attributes that bothered him, although he doesn't know her all that well and perhaps his dislike for her is irrational. It's not until she waves the cable in front of his face that he realizes he zoned out and he jolts with embarrassment, taking the laptop charger from her and quietly thanking her before returning to his own room.

He doesn't even use the charger in the end, and Killian reluctantly admits to himself that he had never really intended to do any work tonight. He decides to not overly think the implications of this however as he watches some new action movie on the pay-per-view service, hoping the two hour run time of the movie will be sufficient enough time before he can return the cable to Emma.

* * *

Emma is curled up in bed reading a book, grateful for the soft hotel bed sheets on a chilly September night like this. It's almost 11 but she knows as soon as she turns off the lights and rests her head on the pillow Killian will knock on her door to return her laptop charger.

His request and behaviour had both been strange, especially considering how pissed he seemed that they had ended up in the same hotel. She had re-read the same line numerous times now because of her unfocused mind and she put the book down with a sigh and ran her fingers through her hair, reaching the hair tie and tugging it out.

Emma shakes her still damp hair until is sits in soft waves around her face, not wanting a large kink in her hair for tomorrow. There's a soft knock at the door and she rolls her eyes, knowing the second she thought about sleep Killian Jones would come disturb her.

'I come baring electrical equipment.' He says with a grin and she's amazed the smile is genuine and not his usual one of mocking and disgust.

'You're getting your own back tomorrow, right?' She asks with disapproval as she holds on to the cable, hoping he doesn't expect her to share it for the rest of the week.

'Aye, I just had to finish something tonight otherwise Regina would have my head for not finishing it before fashion week.' Killian replies. She recalls the other night when she discovered that he worked in a bar as well as at the newspaper and she feels something akin to empathy for him, and despite his reaction to her comment the other night, she really does know what working two jobs is like.

He shifts his weight from foot to foot and she almost laughs, having never seen him so awkward before. Normally he's smooth and witty and seems to know exactly what he's doing but now he seems almost vulnerable and she looks at him closely. Emma never noticed how blue his eyes are. They're certainly noticeable, but now she sees just as vibrant the colour is, especially contrasted against his dark lashes.

'Listen Emma, I feel the two of us perhaps started on the wrong foot and now that we're going to be working together this week we should iron out a few things.' Killian suddenly says, catching her off guard. He couldn't just have said thank you and left her alone.

'That's a little rich coming from you. The only reason I have a problem with you is because you had a problem with me. But you're a chauvinistic asshole so I suppose I would have disliked you anyway.' Emma shrugs, feeling pleased when Killian's face screws up in anger.

'Me? You're stubborn and moody and cold. It's a wonder you have any friends with the way you act.' He fires back, but she just rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest.

'Sure, I may be those things but my behaviour is warranted by your stupidity. Besides, I'd much rather have the friends I have with this attitude than a different guy in my bed every night.' Emma bites back, almost forgetting the fact that they're arguing in the hallway of a hotel with other guests probably sleeping in the next room.

'I knew the reason you're like that is because you're not getting any.' Killian smirks, and her hand itches to slap him hard across his cheek.

'Right, of course everything you think about relates to sex. I am capable of having emotions beyond whether or not I'm fucking someone but clearly you're not that evolved.' Emma retorts. 'Is a woman's worth only measured by her sexuality then?' She continues, but Killian steps forward, almost into her room and she forces herself to keep eye contact.

'That's rather hypocritical of you considering you throw my sexuality in my face like it's a justifiable way of judging my character.' He speaks more softly this time but his voice is still firm and thick with anger. He makes a decent point but she refuses to back down now.

'Only because you flaunt it like you want everyone to know your personal business. I can't exactly judge your character on your intelligence as you don't seem to exude any.' She sees by the way he clenches his jaw that she's hit a nerve.

'There it is, Emma Swan thinks she above the rest because she's so much smarter than everyone else and got the coveted job the entire office applied for. It might interest you to know that Regina's boyfriend revealed to me that she picked your name out randomly for the job. You weren't selected because you were special and superior to the rest of us.' Killian's voice drops even lower, and she finds that more off-putting than when he was practically yelling.

'You can't resent me for a job I was randomly given so if that's the case why the hell do you hate me so much?' Emma asks, lowering her own voice slightly as she hears a door somewhere down the hall.

'I don't bloody know Swan, and it drives me crazy.' Killian murmurs a moment later.

She stares at him for a moment, noticing his flushed cheeks and eyes wide with anger. They seem to be at impasse with neither of them wanting to speak next and they stare at each other a moment longer before Killian turns on his heels at goes back into his room, closing his door with more force than necessary.

Emma closes her own door and returns to bed, noticing her phone flashing just as she climbs in.

_Goodnight Emma, enjoy Fashion Week and I can't wait to hear all about it afterwards. How about you catch me up on all the latest trends over dinner on Friday?_

The message is from Walsh but she quickly closes it and sighs. She honestly has no intention of dating the guy but he seems to be under the impression she does (she thinks Ruby has a sneaky part to play in that). He's been nice enough but she isn't interested in dating anyone right now, although admittedly it had been good to feel the comforting arms and warm smiles from someone.

Emma sighs again and lays her head on the pillow, her thoughts drifting back to her less than pleasant conversation with Killian minutes ago. Her mind is reeling, unsure which part to focus on. The fact that she had gotten her job by random (if that was even true) concerned her of course, but she finds it isn't the detail she focuses on as she tries to fall asleep.

Killian Jones hates her, and for no explainable reason. Emma desperately searches for her own explanation as to why this bothers her so much and thankfully drifts off quickly before her mind can reach a less than favorable conclusion.


	4. Chapter 4

Its 6am when Emma sleepily goes downstairs to the coffee shop below the hotel and joins the short line of equally tired looking early risers. There's a presentation for members of the media at 7am but she wants to find her seat and settle down before the mad rush of fashion interns and obnoxious editors come in. She was not used to dealing with the world of fashion but she knew just from the small glimpses of Killian's work that it was practically as cut-throat as it looks in the movies.

She reaches the front of the line in good time but before she can order the barrister smiles and holds up a cup with her name on.

'Emma Swan? The gentleman from room 8 already bought your coffee this morning.'

Emma raises her eyebrows but smiles as the barrister pours fresh coffee into the cup and she puts her money back in her wallet. She thanks him and smiles again when he wishes her a good day but her mind is elsewhere as she thinks about Killian so generously covering her morning caffeine needs, particularly after their conversation last night. She saw the guy pour fresh coffee in so she knows it's not poisoned (what else is she supposed to think of a man who literally hates her?)

Emma drinks the warm liquid on her way over to the venue, dumping the rest of it in the trashcan outside and getting out a couple of mints to mask the coffee smell. Killian didn't need to know she appreciated the gesture (well, she appreciated the coffee, the gesture still confused her greatly).

It's already buzzing with people when she enters the large ballroom with numerous rows of seats and she's glad she checked beforehand which area she and Killian had been assigned to. It was close to the back, most likely because they're from a relatively small, non-fashion based media outlet but she's relieved to not have to walk up to the front.

She can't see Killian anywhere but she doesn't really look that hard for him as she scans the room and finds her seat. The guy a few seats down from her smiles and tilts his head.

'Emma Swan?' He asks, and she frowns. That's twice this morning in the space of 20 minutes that a total stranger knows her name and it's throwing her off.

'Do I know you?' Emma replies cautiously as the man presumptuously moves to the seat beside her.

'No, but I'm a friend of Killian's and he told me his colleague would be here soon. I had a different image in my head from what he described of you though.' The man replies in an Irish accent and Emma rolls her eyes.

'What did he say about me? Actually, you know what, I don't want to know. I don't care, the man's an ass anyway. Sorry, I know he's your friend but-'

'He's a total arse, I know. I'm Graham by the way.' He adds, holding out a hand for her to shake. His grip is firm but friendly and his skin is warm. Emma finds herself smiling at him, his eyes just as warm as his touch.

'So how do you know him then?' Emma asks as their hands separate. Graham laughs and she smiles in response, the sound deep and pleasant.

'We interned in the financial department of a newspaper together a few years ago. We kept in touch over the years, but I've always thought he held a grudge against me because I got the job there and he didn't, although I got booted to fashion last year so here I am.' Graham explains with a shrug. He's well dressed in a light grey suit and crisp white shirt but she can tell by the way his eyes had lingered on the hint of her breasts above her curved neckline that he isn't gay.

'It seems he has a penchant for holding grudges.' Emma mutters quietly to herself as Graham replies to a text on his phone just as Emma's starts ringing. She frowns when she reads Regina's name on the screen and wonders what her boss could possibly want at this time of day.

'Ah, at least one of you picks the phone up. Miss Swan, is Mr. Jones there with you?' Regina's sharp voice cuts through from the other end and Emma rolls her eyes.

'No, the press event doesn't start for another half hour so he's not here yet.' Emma replies cautiously, hoping that this isn't leading to something beyond her pay grade.

'Well when he does make an appearance tell him he's one step closer to losing his job after he failed to finish up that article for me. I specifically told him to get it done before Fashion Week but the idiot never listens. Just make sure he gets _some_ work done this week Miss Swan, otherwise both your jobs will be on the line.' Regina warns before hanging up.

'Damn that man.' Emma groans to herself as she puts her phone back in her bag and tucks it under her chair, noticing how the room is beginning to fill up now as more members of the press arrive and take their seats.

'Emma would you excuse me? I have to go speak to an old friend but it was lovely to meet you. Perhaps we can meet for a coffee or something during the week? Any woman who doesn't fall for the charms of Killian Jones is a woman worth knowing I always say.' Graham grins and Emma laughs at the deprecating manner with which he speaks of his apparent friend.

'Sure, I'd like that.' She replies, quickly finding a business card from her bag and handing it to him. He carefully places the card in his jacket pocket and gives her another smile before heading over to a small group at the front of the room, warmly welcomed by someone Emma assumes is his old friend. Graham was nice, and it wouldn't hurt to grab a casual coffee with the guy. It was less pressure than whatever was going on with Walsh at least, and a far more appealing idea than bumping into Killian at the café below the hotel every day.

'Did you enjoy the coffee, lass?' A quiet voice from behind her asks and she curls her hands around the sides of her chair.

'Sure, almost as much as I loved Regina threatening my job over _you_ not completing your work on time.' Emma retorts angrily, barely looking at Killian as he sits down beside her. He smells like sandalwood cologne and peppermint and she refuses to admit the scent is a pleasant mixture.

'Ah, yes, it seems my email didn't send last night. Regina will get over it, don't worry.' Killian chuckles and she finally turns to look at him. He's wearing a blue shirt with the top buttons undone and the colour complements his eyes and makes his dark scruffy hair look more noticeable against the light shade. She's never denied his good looks, but the undeniable rush of _attraction_ almost makes her vomit.

'Do you think this is funny, Jones? Is it really so hilarious that I might lose my job because some asshole couldn't do his own damn job and I got caught up in it? I worked my ass off to get this job and I won't let you ruin it for me.' Emma huffs, realizing she sounds a little stroppy but it's not even 7am yet and her day is already going terribly.

'Apologies, lass.' Killian murmurs a moment later, shifting in his seat so that another wave of his cologne hits her and she grinds her teeth.

'And what the hell was the stunt with the coffee this morning?' Emma continues while her anger is still fresh.

'Well I know how grumpy you are in the mornings without caffeine so I thought I would make the day more bearable for myself but clearly it has had the opposite effect.' Killian answers with his regular amount of snark and she exhales. He's easier to deal with when he's being rude towards her; his hatred for her is far simpler than when he's trying to be civil.

'Oh and Emma, don't start dating Graham, he's a bloody idiot.' This takes her by surprise for a moment before she snorts and looks over at him in disdain.

'Okay, first of all it's none of your business whom I date. Secondly, that 'bloody idiot' has shown me more respect and decency in five minutes than you have the entire time I've known you.' Emma retorts, and Killian throws up his hands in exaggerated exasperation.

'That's because he's trying to sleep with you! One good fuck and you'll see his true colours, Swan.' Killian responds condescendingly and she scoffs with frustration.

'Just because you act like that with women doesn't mean all men do.'

'No, but I'm not the only man that does act that way and believe me Graham is one of them too.'

'What do you have against Graham? Is it because he got the job you wanted as well? You really can't deal with other people being successful, can you?'

'You have no idea what you're talking about, Swan. Besides, what do you see in _him_ anyway? He works in fashion, he has an accent, he has dark hair, and he's tall and good looking. How am I so repulsive when we're so similar and you practically drooled all over him?' Killian eyebrows are pulled down in a deep frown and his lips are slightly parted in frustration but Emma is still stuck on his question to overly consider his obvious anger.

'If I didn't know any better I'd say you're jealous.' Emma murmurs a moment later, trying to fight back the smirk that curves her lips as she watches him swallow thickly. Killian brushes his hands over his thighs and she notices him balling them into fists before he looks back up at her.

'I'm not _jealous_ , I just don't understand why you see me as such a villain.' The honesty with which he replies is disconcerting and for a split second she almost feels sympathy for him, particularly as his blue eyes are soft and emotive but she snaps out of it quickly, rolling her eyes and shifting in her seat.

'Well I don't exactly think something who hates me and calls me a 'hag with an inability to smile' is my hero.' Emma answers coldly, pleased when she notices that Killian has the decency to look ashamed before he shifts away from her and looks straight ahead, sitting rigidly in his seat.

'Perhaps I don't hate you.' Killian practically whispers after a few minutes of awkward silence and Emma shakily exhales, grateful that the event seems to be starting as the room settles around them. She hopes Killian is taking in the information they are firing out at them because right now her mind is more focused on her co-worker than her actual work.

* * *

The press event could not end quick enough and Killian notices how Emma jumps up the moment they are dismissed, gathering her things and filtering into the crowd of media members without a second glance at him. He might have been pushing it with the conversation about Graham but the sight of her laughing with him had caused an involuntary grind of his teeth.

Killian may well be a womanizer but all the women he had relations with were very much willing, but if the rumours about Graham were true that was not always the case for him. There had been a sexual harassment case filed against Graham back when he worked in the financial department at The Record, but instead of getting fired he had been 'relegated' to the fashion department, a deal arranged by one of the CEOs of the media corporation that owned the newspaper. A quick Google search revealed the CEO was Graham's father, who also somehow managed to make the case disappear, probably with a quick pay out.

Whatever did or didn't happen with that situation, Killian does not want Emma to associate with Graham. It doesn't matter how he feels about her, he just knows he doesn't want her to fall into that situation and he can't stand back and watch it happen.

_Swan can we talk later? I feel I need to explain some things._

He texts Emma before he can second guess himself as he slowly makes his way to the first show of the day. Killian is completely distracted that he can't even remember which designer it is and he brushes through his hair anxiously as he takes a seat near the back. He sees a couple of beautiful women smiling at him, looking him up and down as if assessing whether he is straight or not, which is usually his cue to stare obviously at their cleavage for three seconds before flashing a smile but he skips any flirtation for right now, holding his phone as he awaits Emma's response.

The lights dim slightly and the show is about to start but the vibration in his hand pulls his focus and he looks down to read the message.

_Tonight at 8 in the café. Coffee on you._

It's short and sharp but it wasn't a refusal and he exhales, sliding his phone into his pocket and attempting to focus on his job now that he knows Emma is open to conversation. His eyes watch the models parade along the catwalk in the latest trends but his mind is on the sight of Emma last night in her pajamas. It was a rarity to see her in anything other than jeans and a sweater and the image of her freshly bathed with her hair pulled back keeps appearing in his mind. He thinks of her smiling and laughing with Walsh and Graham and for some unknown reason he had a sudden and desperate desire to make her laugh and smile with _him._

Killian involuntarily scratches his ear and forces himself to focus on the show in front of him and not his increasingly confusing feelings for Emma Swan.


	5. Chapter 5

Emma purposely hangs around in her room until 8:10, giving Killian enough time to arrive and get the coffee (and sweat a little over her not being there yet) before she heads down to the café.

Ruby had begged her to use the passes she had been given for a Vanity Fair event tonight and after deliberating for 40 minutes she settled on her trusty little black dress. It was classy enough to attend an event but more casual than a gown and she's thankful she's at least heard the fashion tip about the essential LBD at some point in her life.

Emma looks over herself in the mirror, brushing away the small clump of mascara from the corner of her eye (she _needs_ to buy some new makeup) and gently runs her fingers through her loose curls (she also needs to get it cut) before leaving her room and internally cursing herself for agreeing to talk to Killian.

He's already there, two cups of coffee sitting on the table in front of him. He's holding onto his cup as if he's cold and desperately relieved at the warmth the liquid provides him and she hangs back in the doorway to watch him. Luckily Killian is oblivious to her presence even as he looks around for her. She wonders if he thinks she's stood him up (not that it was like a date or anything) and she pushes down the sympathy she feels for him as he casts his sad eyes over at her untouched coffee.

'Okay, make it quick, I'm meeting a friend in 20 minutes.' Emma sighs with exaggerated impatience as she sits down opposite him. He's surprised and momentarily stunned before shuffling up in his seat and nodding, scratching his ear and looking away sheepishly. She decides she likes (or at least prefers) this Killian to the arrogant, sneering one she's so used to.

'Aye, well I just wanted to clarify what I said earlier.' Killian replies, finally looking her in the eyes. Her stomach drops when she remembers his last words to her ( _Perhaps I don't hate you_ ) and she instantly regrets agreeing to this.

'What I said about Graham, I went about it wrong but my intentions were simply to save you from any trouble with him. He has a history of questionable relationships with women and I felt the need to warn you at least. I know you don't think very highly of me but I'm not so terrible that I would sit back and watch you get hurt.' Killian rambles, brushing his thumb over the edge of his coffee cup.

Emma is silent for a while. The explanation itself is weak but something about Killian's demeanor tells her its genuine.

'I thought you said I needed to get laid.' She jokes, taking a sip of the now lukewarm coffee in her hands, making her wonder just how long Killian had been waiting for her.

'Aye, but not against your will.' Killian murmurs, and she feels her throat close up harshly as she tries to swallow the liquid in her mouth. She ends up coughing rather inelegantly and Killian awkwardly hands her a napkin but she shakes her head as she recovers.

'Sorry lass, that wasn't exactly tactful on my behalf.' Killian apologizes, scratching his ear in a gesture she's now sure means he's feeling nervous. She looks up at him, taking in his flushed cheeks and wide blue eyes. He's never looked so serious before, and the thought that this is the time he is most subdued makes her involuntarily shiver.

'I just wasn't expecting that. Thank you for…telling me, I guess. There was obviously going to be something wrong with him anyway.' Emma sighs, refusing to look up at Killian after realizing what she had said.

'Why obviously?' Killian asks, sounding far too happy with her dismissal of Graham already. Emma sneaks a look at him then and is surprised to not feel the familiar urge to punch him whenever she sees his face. He looks genuinely curious and she curls her hands around her coffee cup when she realizes that this is perhaps one of, if not the only conversation they've had where they're not mocking, sneering or glaring at each other.

'He showed an interest in me.' Emma shrugs, taking another sip of her coffee to distract herself from thinking about the fact that she just said something honest and personal to Killian Jones of all people.

'And that must mean he's a creepy pervert who doesn't understand the word no?' Killian replies with a tilt of his head. The gesture makes him look sort of cute and Emma bites the inside of her cheek at how ridiculous the thought of Killian being _cute_ is.

'No, it just means that something always goes wrong, I just found out sooner rather than later with Graham I suppose.' Emma pulls her hands away from her coffee cup before she knocks it over, instead deciding to tuck them under her legs in the hope that she would stop awkwardly fidgeting. She never usually has a normal conversation with Killian and she finds it disconcerting the ease with which the unfamiliar communication seems to flow.

'And what about me?' Killian asks with a small grin, causing her to momentarily forget her unease when she falls back into her natural frown when she looks at him.

'What about you what?' Emma responds suspiciously and Killian chuckles, casting his eyes down (she never realized he had such long, dark lashes) before looking back at her, his eyes soft and teasing.

'Has anything gone wrong with me yet?' Emma can't help but laugh at his question, a reaction that surprises both herself and Killian. His eyebrows are raised and his grin fades into a softer smile as he rubs the back of his neck.

'Killian, I don't think anything has gone _right_ with you.'

She notices his smile falter, only for a second, before he grins wider and nods.

'Well that's a fair observation, lass.' They both sober up from the humour and Killian clears his throat, as if to say something else but he remains silent. She can't deny that he has a charming smile but his more interesting trades are the ones hidden behind the smile, like the way he taps his fingers on the table in a specific rhythm as if he's musically inclined. He also seems to have a habit of touching his ear and neck when he seems nervous or uncomfortable. His smile is bright but there's a darkness to his expressions, perhaps hidden in his eyes despite their vivid colour.

Emma thinks over these parts of Killian for a moment before zoning back into reality, flushing hotly when he catches her staring.

'I should go meet my friend now.' She mutters, standing up to leave abruptly. She gives him a quick, half smile as she gathers her bag and turns to leave but the quiet murmur of her name makes her stop.

'You look beautiful tonight, Swan.' Killian says softly and Emma feels her skin prickle as heat once again rises to her cheeks. She mutters a thank you before leaving, grateful for the cool night air once she steps out of the café, knowing Killian's eyes are following her.

Emma stands on the sidewalk for a moment, inhaling and exhaling, jumping slightly when the vibration of her phone surprises her.

_Where are you? I'm waiting outside and security is giving me suspicious looks, please get here soon._

It's from Ruby and Emma is reminded of her actual plans for tonight, heading over to the club a few blocks away where the party is as she thinks over how Killian Jones actually acted like a human being tonight. She does however try _not_ to think about the fact that he made her laugh (and _blush_ of all things) like she was one of those interns.

Emma Swan does not ( _will not)_ succumb to the charms of Killian Jones.

* * *

Killian can't help but smile as he heads back to his room for the night. His conversation with Emma had gone better than expected, particularly as he even managed to make her laugh at one point (granted she seemed to be laughing _at_ him but she smiled nonetheless).

He's pleasantly surprised to be discovering a different side to Emma, even after knowing her for almost a year (well, he knew of her, he's realizing he knows very little about her at all). She acted different tonight, she even _looked_ different. The black dress she was wearing was by far the most fashionable thing he'd ever seen her in and the sight of her in the little number with her blonde curls and her red lips made his skin prickle with heat.

He was attracted to Emma, there was no denying it anymore.

It's not even 9pm yet but he decides to retire to bed once he reaches his room, the early start and the long day making him feel tired already. Killian quickly checks his emails and responds to a couple before an idea hits him and he hesitates, his fingers hovering over the keys of his laptop before he sighs and types away.

He settles down in bed with his laptop, turning off the lights and scanning through the homepage of the Big Apple before he finds what he's looking for. The archives available to the public go back 12 months, but he wasn't looking for anything further than that so he could avoid logging in and the database clocking his access to these specific articles.

Killian looks over the titles of the pieces Emma had written since she began working at the paper. He's never actually read anything she'd written and he wonders if these opinion pieces would give him a little insight to the way her mind works.

He stops scrolling at an article titled 'What's Love Got to Do with It?' and clicks on it with intrigue. He reads through it slowly, raising an eyebrow here and there at the thoughts shared by Emma before he finishes, leaning back and staring at the laptop in shock.

The piece was on the construct of marriage and how things have changed since arranged betrothals and marrying for property and titles. The topic is rather sociological itself, but Emma's comments on modern day marriage and love were rather telling. He can glean rather well that Emma's had her heart broken at some point, and not just a bad breakup where she cracks out a tub of ice cream, but a real, damage-inducing heartbreak.

Killian is reminded of a few weeks ago when he asked her if she'd ever even been in love and the sight of her crying at her desk made more sense now. A wave of guilt hits him and he runs his fingers through his hair with a sigh. He's aware that he's been awfully hard on Emma and he was never really sure why. Something about her always set him on edge and it never made sense. Perhaps things were coming into focus now though.

He spends the rest of the night reading through her articles, some of them poignant and informative like the first and some simply making him laugh out loud with her blunt observations and humour. He finds a mention of himself in one of them and he grins despite the nature of the reference ('we all have that one colleague who thinks all the women in the office want him and parades about like a damn peacock').

It's almost 1am when Killian notices the time and he closes his laptop and slides down in bed to get some sleep. He's discovered that Emma's writing reveals a lot about her, from her intelligence and wit to her heartbreak and loneliness. Killian has also realized that for the past year he's made a terrible mistake in dismissing Emma Swan so quickly; her ability to be closed off and private yet also reveal small parts of herself in her writing is fascinating and he looks forward to getting to know her in person, not just through the words she types for everyone to read.


	6. Chapter 6

The week is almost over and Emma couldn't be more relieved. It had been fun to get out and do something different to her usual 9-5 work in the office, but after a couple of days the excitement of the crazy world of fashion had faded and now she was just tired and out of patience.

The models gave less than helpful responses to her questions and she has no idea what she's going to write in this article Regina wants from her. She's been staring at the open but empty word document for 20 minutes now with no inspiration and she bites down on her bottom lip when she resigns herself to the fact that she needs help.

It's 10pm and she has no idea if Killian is even in his room but she crosses the hall and knocks anyway, unsure whether she wants him to answer or not. Emma hears noises from the other side of the door before it opens and she's surprised by the sight of Killian looking disheveled with only a pair of black sweatpants covering him. He's got his phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder and he smiles at her while he hums in response to whoever is on the other end of the phone.

'Yeah, I'm listening.' Killian sighs, gesturing with a nod for her to come in. Emma awkwardly stands beside his bed as he closes the door and walks around her, closing the lid of his laptop on the bed and straightening the sheets a little.

'Aye, listen Liam, I have to go but let me know your flight details when you find them. Aye, okay, bye.' Killian says into the phone before hanging up. He looks up at her then, like he's shocked to see her in his room despite letting her in less than a minute ago.

'I'm sorry to intrude, I was going to ask for your help writing this article but I can leave.' Emma offers, her eyes widening when Killian practically darts in front of the door before running his hands through his already messy hair and smiling weakly.

'No need Swan, I can be of service.' Killian replies, but he looks the complete opposite of wanting to work right now.

'Maybe we can start tomorrow? It's already late tonight, I don't know what I was thinking, sorry.' Killian doesn't block her path to the door this time but there's a look in his eye that makes her stop anyway. He looks tired, but there's a sadness to his eyes that seems to go deeper than simply lacking sleep.

'Who's Liam?' Emma blurts out. She doesn't know why the question comes out of her mouth but it's out there now and Killian looks up at her with a softer expression, a light smile curving his lips as he puts his phone down on the table beside his bed.

'Liam is my brother. He's coming to visit from England with his family next month when the kids have a week off school.' Killian sits down on the edge of his bed, looking ready to climb back under the sheets and fall asleep.

'He already sounds like the exact opposite of you.' Emma teases and Killian chuckles.

'Oh aye, he is. He's also older and thinks he can boss me around still. We haven't spoken in a while but I've missed him.' Killian says earnestly. Emma leans against the desk as she watches Killian. She'd never really thought about Killian's life before, whether he had brothers or sisters or spoke to his parents every week. Honestly she never imagined he had relations beyond the women he charmed.

'Anyway, how can I help you? You seem perfectly capable of writing brilliant pieces all on your own.' Killian tells her and she fights the prickled heat on the back of her neck at his compliment.

'I have a hard time believing you've even read anything I've written, Jones.' She rolls her eyes, but even she knows the action was half-hearted. She notices his eyes drop to his laptop for a second before returning to her and she grips on to the edge of desk a little harder. No wonder he closed the lid rather hastily.

'You have a very interesting viewpoint on things, lass.' Killian shrugs and she crosses her arms across her chest defensively. The whole purpose of her job is to write for others to read her opinions but for some reason the idea of Killian reading them makes her feel exposed.

'Yeah well I have absolutely nothing of interest to say about the fashion industry. I have no idea why Regina is making me write this damn article but I literally have nothing on it and she wants it done by Sunday.' Emma slumps back against the desk and sighs.

Killian stands up and walks over to her, close enough to make her shift awkwardly and he tilts his head and smirks.

'I'll help you, but I have a condition.' He tells her and she feels a sense of dread building at his proposal.

'Go on a date with me.' Killian murmurs and she clenches her jaw. He's standing too close, his expression is too sincere and she swallows done the thick lump in her throat.

'Actually, I think I can manage on my own.' She replies a moment later, hoping her voice doesn't sound as shaky to him as it does to her. Emma briskly walks over to the door and lets herself out, avoiding any eye contact as she leaves. She lets out a breath when she's back in her own room, pulling out the elastic band that holds her braid in place and threads her fingers through the segments of hair until they flow in loose waves.

God, what the _hell_ just happened?

* * *

Emma doesn't even know who is hosting this after party, she's just glad that Fashion Week is over and that there's an open bar at the event. She watches Graham as he charms his way through the crowd around the bar, nibbling on her lip as she considers what Killian had told her about the guy. She hasn't spoken to him since last night and they haven't even crossed paths all day, making her wonder if he's avoiding her just as she's avoiding him.

Graham comes back rather quickly with their drinks, sliding in beside her and putting his arm around the back of her chair. She knows the gesture is meant to encourage her to slide closer to him but she stays put, giving him a fake smile and reaching for her drink.

'So what's your story, Emma?' Graham asks, and she internally groans at that question. She hates that damn question, but she sucks it up and plays along.

'Still being written.' She replies, giving a cliché answer to a cliché question, hoping he doesn't hear the note of frustration in her voice. She may have found him charming and attractive had she not spoken to Killian about him, but since their conversation she's finding it difficult to interact with Graham without her thoughts drifting back to Killian's words.

'Fair enough. Are there at least some chapters you can share with me though?' Graham smiles as if thinking this conversation counts as flirting. She hums thoughtfully, playing along with the whole mystery charade when really she's trying to come up with a way to tell him she needs to leave.

She lifts her eyes from her glass and her heart jumps when she sees Killian across the room. There's a beautiful brunette woman on his arms, tall with red lips and a slim figure. His hand is low on her body, almost resting on her hips as she places a hand on his chest and laughs at something he said. He looks down at her and smiles and they look like a couple advertising engagement rings or honeymoon destinations.

God, why does this man get under her skin so much? It's infuriating to say the least and she wishes she could stop glancing over every 5 seconds. She's too preoccupied with thoughts of Killian and this mystery woman until Graham notices her staring and clears his throat.

'Perhaps one of your chapters is about Mr. Jones? He has a habit of treating women like they're toys to discard whenever he pleases.' Graham says and Emma fights back the scoff she feels rising in her throat at his hypocrisy.

'You seem to dislike him rather a lot, how is it you call him a friend?' Emma asks with curiosity, ignoring the fact that the first time she's interested in conversing with Graham it's about Killian.

'I'll admit I use the term loosely. We mostly refer to each other as friends because we came to a sort of agreement a few years back. Back when I had just moved here I didn't know anyone and Killian said that if I gave him the heads up on job opportunities at the paper he would introduce me to people around the city.' Graham explains while Emma's eyes drift back to Killian and his date. Killian laughs at something someone says before his eyes wander the room. She looks away just in time so that he doesn't catch her staring but she can tell his gaze has landed on her.

'So what about you, what's your story?' Emma turns back to Graham and puts on her best flirtatious voice. Graham smirks and shifts so that his legs are almost touching hers and she fights the urge to swing her own legs the other way.

'Well, I'm from Ireland originally.' He offers (as if that wasn't obvious already).

'I've always thought the Irish accent was one of sexiest.' Emma teases, biting her lip when Graham's hand moves to curl her hair behind her ear. A chair opposite them straps along the floor loudly and she feels rather satisfied to see a glint of anger in Killian's eyes when she turns to look at him.

'Oh, hi Killian. I was just getting to know your friend Graham a little better.' She says innocently, pleased when his eyes dart towards the spot where Graham's hand possessively rests on her thigh (she's not exactly comfortable with his hand being there but it's getting a reaction out of Killian at least).

'Hi, you must be Emma. I'm Alexa.' The woman beside Killian says, extending her hand for Emma to shake, completely oblivious to the tension between the other three at the table.

Killian looks sufficiently uncomfortable as Emma forces a smile and shakes Alexa's hand, looking away when she shifts her chair closer to Killian's and brushes her hair off her shoulder in a bid to expose her neck and cleavage. Killian seems less enthralled by her than before though and Emma bites back a smirk at his tense body language.

The crowd quietens down as someone clinks their glass on the small stage at the front of the room and Emma turns to watch, only vaguely interested in the speech they're about to give. The person (a guy with overly gelled hair and a sharp black suit) thanks everyone for coming and congratulates them for another great Fashion Week. He tells jokes that goes over her head and makes references she doesn't understand and she quickly zones out, playing with the lace edges of her dress instead.

She thinks about Killian's request for her to go on a date with him and she wonders if she had agreed whether she would be sitting beside him instead of Alexa. Emma was sure he wouldn't take her out on a real date anyway; it was probably all a big joke and just a way to say he had dated all the women in the office.

She sneaks a look at him and is surprised to see him looking at her intensely. His jaw appears clenched and his eyes still have that hard glint that tells her he's angry over something. Emma reaches for her drink and hopes the cold liquid will lessen the heat she feels in her cheeks.

* * *

As soon as the speech is done the room is alive with chatter once again and everyone moves around to schmooze with each other. Alexa excuses herself to talk to her co-workers over at their table and Killian couldn't be more relieved at her absence. He heads straight to the bar and orders the finest, strongest rum they have, a treat for spending the first hour of the event sober.

He comes back to the table to find Emma sitting alone and he almost turns back around but she looks up and he knows it's too late.

'Where did your date run off to?' He asks, not even caring that it sounded as rude as it did, but Emma doesn't flicker.

'He's busy making connections with editors and CEOs, although you should probably be more concerned about where your date is.' She replies and he shrugs, trying to hide the involuntary way he winces at the word 'date'.

'Her not being at this table means some momentary peace.' Killian scoffs, raising an eyebrow when she smirks.

'Well I saw her flirting with some old guy with a thick wallet so I think you're safe for the rest of the night.' Killian slumps into the seat beside her, frustrated that his plan had backfired. Instead of making Emma jealous this whole thing with Alexa simply amuses her and it drives him crazy.

'You seem to be awfully pleased with my date abandoning me, Emma.' He says sternly, watching her as she pushes her hair away from her neck and tilts her head.

'I got the feeling she didn't like me very much, I just won't miss her at our table that's all.' She says casually as she takes a sip from her own drink (he believes it's a Cuba Libre and he thinks about how her lips would taste like rum and lime).

'She's read some of your work, I think your intelligence intimates her.' He replies quietly, and Emma's eyes widen as her fingers travel down her glass, collecting the beads of condensation from the cold drink. He sees her throat move as she swallows and his eyes can't help but drift to the curve of her breasts that are exposed from her low neckline.

'Why did you come with her if you dislike her so much?' Emma asks bluntly and he catches the scent of her familiar floral perfume when she leans forward.

'Why did you agree to come with Graham?' He replies, and his question surprises her for a moment before she narrows her eyes.

'I asked first.' It would sound immature if anyone else said it but the way she says it it's like a challenge and he can't resist.

'She suggested it and I had no reason to turn her down, it's as simple as that.' She raises an eyebrow and stares at him but he holds his own, his eyes darting between hers until she inhales and he bites back a grin.

'Fair's fair, love. What's your answer?' He whispers, watching as her eyes quickly drop to his lips as he speaks before looking back up to meet his challenging gaze.

'He suggested it and I had no reason to turn him down, it's as simple as that.' Emma repeats back to him with a casual shrug, finishing the rest of her drink in one mouthful.

'You mean to say that what I told you isn't reason enough to stay away from him?' Killian responds in disbelief. She'd understood him perfectly a few days ago when he explained why Graham was trouble yet here she was acting like it was nothing. Emma avoids looking at him and he frowns before realization hits him and he hums thoughtfully. She was getting payback for what he said yesterday, coming with the one person she knew would rile him up.

'Emma, this isn't some game okay? You might actually get hurt and it's not worth it just to prove a point.' He shifts closer to her now and she inhales at the shortened distance between them.

'I've been hurt before, I can deal with it.' She whispers before grabbing her handbag and walking off. His stomach churns with unease but he's at least glad to see Graham is still working the crowd and safely away from Emma.

Killian downs the rest of his rum before grimacing and following Emma through the crowd, his eyes fixed on her blonde curls swaying as she walks away.

* * *

Emma finds the restroom and locks herself in a cubicle, slumping her head against the door with a sigh. She had not anticipated the night going like this, with Graham and his too keen touch and Killian and his infuriating act of concern for her. He's probably out there laughing at her right now with Alexa, thinking he's fooled her and getting pleasure out of toying with her just like Graham said he did.

Emma hears the outer door of the bathroom open but she stays put, deciding to hide out until everyone leaves.

'Honestly I bet that girl is relieved it's an open bar because she looks like she can barely afford a glass of champagne.' An unfamiliar voice says and Emma frowns, looking through the small gap in the cubicle door to catch a glimpse of the woman talking. She recognizes Alexa's cream dress and assumes the other two women are her friends.

'She has this total doe-eyed look like she has no idea what she's doing but it's just part of the act. Everyone knows Graham Humbert is loaded, I bet she's working the 'poor girl with big dreams' angle to get free stuff from him, and probably other guys too. I guess it's working because Graham already worships the ground she walks on and Killian couldn't take his eyes off her the entire time. It's like she has a magical vagina or something.' Emma bites the inside of her cheek when it becomes apparent that she is the topic of discussion.

'Killian? Didn't he come with you?' One of her friends asks and Emma almost snorts from her hiding place.

'Yeah but he clearly only asked me to make that blonde bitch jealous for whatever reason. He was all over me until he saw her and Graham together. I don't care, I deserve so much better than a guy who is going to use me to make a scrawny nobody jealous anyway.' Alexa makes a pout as she reapplies her lipstick and Emma can't help the way her eyebrows shoot up.

Killian had said Alexa asked him, not that she would believe Alexa over Killian (although Killian wasn't exactly trustworthy either) but her stomach flutters at the thought of him trying to make her jealous (she scolds herself for being so petty after everything but she can't help it).

She decides then to the flush the toilet and unlock the door, smirking when she sees the look of panic on Alexa's face as she walks over to wash her hands.

'Even those of us with magical vaginas need to pee, Alexa.' She says casually as she walks out, pleased to see the three of them looking both shocked and embarrassed.

Emma thinks about leaving and spending the rest of the night watching movies in her hotel room but the thought is interrupted when Killian comes up beside her and she groans.

'Leave me the hell alone, Jones.' She sighs, not in the mood to continue their conversation from earlier.

'I will, just promise me you won't go home with Graham tonight.' He murmurs frantically and she darts her eyes between his, taking in his pleading expression.

'It's really none of your business what I do with my personal life, Killian.' She says dismissively, ignoring his genuine expression of concern as she brushes past him. She heads to the bar and carefully avoids running into Graham, Alexa and Killian for the rest of the night.

* * *

Killian lies awake in bed, painfully aware of every small noise around him. It's 12:30am and he hasn't heard Emma return yet. He left the party 2 hours ago when he saw her laughing with Graham and couldn't stand to watch anymore.

He hears a door open in the distance and he holds his breath, closing his eyes when he hears Emma's heels stop outside her door as she slides her key card in the lock. Killian shifts to turn the light off when his phone vibrates and he frowns when he sees Emma's name as the sender.

_You can go to sleep now, Jones._

Killian isn't sure how to react to this message. He simply replies with _Goodnight, Swan_ before turning his light off and setting the phone on the bedside table.

The knot in with his stomach loosens and he manages to fall asleep with ease now that he knows Emma is okay.


	7. Chapter 7

The weeks following Emma's dabble into the world of fashion are much the same as before. Regina's only words after she emailed the article were 'it will do' and Emma assumes that means she won't be getting any more hands on assignments any time soon.

Ruby seemed to have enjoyed Emma's work assignment more than she did, squealing at all the free stuff Emma got at the end of the week (it probably totaled to more than a thousand dollars in professional make up and gift cards but Emma doesn't really care for that stuff). Ruby made a few contacts at the Vanity Fair party they attended and is now convinced that if Granny doesn't give her the diner she will become a professional make-up artist and has been using Emma as a canvas for her work ever since, which explains her smoky eye make-up this morning after stopping by the diner for breakfast.

Ruby is also pushing her relationship with Walsh, with Mary Margret being the peacekeeper in the situation and trying to tell Ruby that Emma should move at her own pace. While she agrees with her roommate she also has no desire to actually have a pace to move at. She had used the excuse of being swamped with work during Fashion Week to not see him, but now she's back to the office it's more difficult to dodge him.

It's ridiculous really, she should just say she's not interested, but secretly she worries that if she turns him down she'll never have anyone show an interest in her again and despite all her trust issues and apprehensions over relationships, she doesn't exactly want to be alone for the rest of her life.

And then there's Killian. Their relationship had undeniably changed during their shared work assignment, at least Emma had felt that way, but ever since they returned to work it's as if nothing had happened. He still spends most of his time ignoring her and she feels the familiar coldness between them once again. It wasn't like she expected them to be best friends but Killian had acted completely different towards her when it had just been the two of them. 

Whatever his reason for ignoring her again, she's actually quite hurt, although she really shouldn't have expected anything else from Killian Jones.

Emma is typing up her latest piece when the sound of children disturbs her and she looks up from her desk. Two children, both appearing to be no older than 8, run towards Killian and are followed by two adults she assumes are their parents. She sees the resemblance straight away between the man and Killian and she knows it's his brother, Liam. She recalls him mentioning his brother's family were coming to visit and she nibbles on her bottom lip at the memory of being in Killian's room while he wore nothing but sweatpants.

Liam looks exactly like she thought he would; like an older, perhaps a little more exhausted looking Killian. His wife is short and her blonde hair is pulled up into a bun with some strands of it falling out, presumably from her exertion at following her energetic kids around. Killian stands up to hug the kids before chatting with his brother, pointing to a photograph on his desk with a grin.

Emma shakes her head and looks back at her computer screen, intent on returning to work instead of watching the family reunion across the room. It takes her 5 minutes to get her concentration back but just as her flow returns she feels a tug on the hem of her sweater and she swings round to see a little girl looking up at her with big blue eyes, twirling her finger around a curly lock of dark brown hair.

'Are you Uncle Killy's girlfriend?' She asks in a British accent and Emma doesn't know whether to be shocked at the question or amused that Killian's niece calls him 'Killy'.

'Now what would make you ask a question like that?' Emma replies softly, hoping her voice didn't sound too patronizing to the child.

'He has drawings of you in his house. He even painted your golden hair in one of them.' The girl replies, making Emma's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. The reaction goes unnoticed by the little girl though as she fiddles with the handles of the drawers in her desk, snapping her arm back quickly when her father calls for her.

'Anna, I told you not to disturb the adults while they work.' Liam sighs, shooting Emma an apologetic look while tugging on Anna's hand.

'But Daddy she's Uncle Killy's girlfriend.' Great, just what she needed; his family interfering in their weird, non-existent relationship. Liam looks up at her again and smiles and God she's in so much shit.

'Ah, it's nice to meet you. Emma is it?' Liam asks with an extended hand and shit he even knows her name.

'Yeah, it's nice to meet you too. Killian's told me a lot about his older brother.' She replies, cursing herself for going along with this. How hard could have been to just say no, you have the wrong person, no, I'm hardly your brother's girlfriend when he barely even looks or speaks to me.

'Anna, go join your mother and sister in the kitchen, Uncle Killy said they have cookies.' Liam prompts the little girl and she runs off obediently. Liam turns back to look at her and he looks more serious this time, his kind smile gone and his gaze heavy.

'Killian hasn't told me much about you, but he seems different to when I saw him last. He seems to have gotten his act together and I'm sure you have a lot to do with it. So thank you for helping my brother. He needed someone like you after everything with Milah. It was a while ago but she really hurt him, you know?' Liam tells her and all she can do is nod along helplessly. She's never heard of Milah before but she plays along as if Killian has told her his secrets because they're dating and why wouldn't he have?

'He's missed you. He has a big pride issue so he'd never say it but he wants your approval and he looks up to you.' Emma has no idea where this comes from but Liam drops his shoulders and gives her a warm smile and she's relieved that it was the right thing to say.

'Listen, I should get back to work, my deadline is in 3 hours and I have a lot to do! It was great to meet you though, and little Anna.' Emma blags, hoping the niceties don't sound as stupid to Liam as they do to her

'Aye, of course, sorry for interrupting. We're staying for a week and we'd love it if you could join us for Killian's birthday on Saturday.' Liam smiles, and Emma nods and comes out with some answer about definitely not wanting to miss it.

He heads towards the kitchen and Emma slumps back into her chair in mortification. She had never imagined herself getting into this situation and she tries not to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

Killian's brother and his family leave about 20 minutes later and she can feel Killian's eyes burning a hole in her head from the doorway to the kitchen. She looks up at him and he simply gestures for her to come over. That man has a whole mountain of explaining to do.

* * *

The only thing that comes to mind when he looks over at Emma is _shit._ She looks angry and she has every right to be, but he knows that she must have played along when Liam spoke to her. He had told him before he left that Emma seems like a wonderful person and he's glad Killian found her, to which he had simply smiled and not said anything to complicate the situation further.

Emma makes her way towards him and his stomach flips with anticipation. They've barely spoken since Fashion Week, which is mostly his fault, but this is like going from 0 to 60 really quick. She brushes past him into the kitchen (her damn perfume getting up his nose as usual) and he closes the door cautiously.

'I assume you want an explanation.' Killian says quietly when he turns to face her. Her arms are folded across her chest and scoffs in response to his rather silly question.

'You're damn right.' She bites back, and he has to admit he's missed her fiery attitude recently. Killian sighs and sits down at the small table in the center of the office kitchen, relieved when she takes the seat next to him without complaint.

'Well Liam and his family were coming to visit and we had planned to meet in the evening after they arrived and found their hotel but they surprised me at my apartment. I hadn't had time to clear away my artwork and Anna and Ellie found them and asked who the woman was. By then Liam had come over asking questions too and the easiest thing to say was that you were my girlfriend. Liam has always been judgmental of my life here in New York and I didn't want his visit to end in an argument between us like the last time, so I thought if I said I had a girlfriend he would back off. I apologize for bringing you into my problems, Swan. I hadn't exactly anticipated them coming to the office and actually meeting you.' He hopes the explanation is sufficient enough for her but although her anger seems to have faded she still wears a deep frown.

'Okay, but why were there pictures of me in your apartment anyway?' Emma asks and Killian feels his stomach drop. He stupidly hadn't thought about how he was going to explain that one and he sighs with resignation before scratching his ear, knowing the tips are probably turning pink already.

'Art is sort of a hobby of mine and I draw things that fascinate me. Plus I couldn't get you out of my bloody head for the past few weeks.' He notices a slight twitch of her lips at that and he know she wants to smile. She curls her hair behind her ear and looks away sheepishly and he can't help but think she's adorable when she's shy and embarrassed.

When Emma finally looks back at him the bashfulness is gone though and she looks serious again.

'Who's Milah?' She asks hesitantly like she already knows the answer and the name causes a range of emotions to hit him at once. He shifts in his shift and clears his throat before answering.

'Did my brother mention her then?' Killian murmurs, spreading out his hands when he realizes his knuckles were turning white from clenching them so hard.

'He said that she hurt you and that after everything with her you needed to find someone like…me.' Emma sounds apologetic, like she regrets bringing it up and he has a sudden urge to reach over and hold her hands but instead he restrains himself.

'Aye, but that's in the past.' Killian finally says with a weak smile, one that Emma returns just as weakly. Silence falls between them and he thinks about what his brother said about him needing to meet someone like Emma. It's true of course, his brother always knows best.

'Listen, I know my brother mentioned joining us for my birthday on Saturday. I'd owe you massively if you came with me. I promise I won't ask you for anything else, I just need Liam to think I'm happy.' The last part sort of slips out but he tries to ignore the glaring tone of self-pity as he waits for her answer.

'Yes.' She replies simply and he pushes away the disappointment that hits him at her blunt answer in favor of the relief he feels at her agreement.

'But I have a condition.' Emma adds, and he bites back the groan he feels rise in his throat. This can't be good.

'Go on a date with me.' She whispers, and he blinks in confusion. He remembers having a rather similar conversation with her a few weeks ago, only with their positions in the conversation switched and he's surprised to say the least.

'I'm not going to play along and be your fake girlfriend and lie to your brother and his family. But I'll come if we have a real date first.' He can't quite believe what he's hearing.

Emma Swan wants to go on a date with him.

'Aye, of course lass. I'd like that very much.' Killian replies rather breathlessly and Emma actually laughs lightly in response. The sound is soft and wonderful and warm and he likes it very much.

'I should get back to work.' She says a moment later and he moves to open the door for her. They move around each other rather awkwardly, unsure how to react to one another now that they've become whatever it is that they are. Emma looks scared for a second when they stand beside each other in the doorway but he smiles at her and she loosens up, giving him a shy smile of her own before she returns to her desk.

When he arrived at the office this morning the very last thing he thought he would leave with at the end of the day was a date with Emma Swan. It's decidedly his best day at work so far.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the feedback so far, I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read this story! I had a few different ideas with this chapter but after changing it up a few times I'm finally posting it, hope everyone enjoys it :)

'Hey, so I've invited Ruby and Ashley round for a night in. Ashley's having some problems with Thomas and she wants to rant.' Mary Margret calls as she unpacks the groceries in the kitchen. Emma exhales as she looks over herself in the mirror, frowning at the one lock of hair that curls differently to the rest of them. She slips on a pair of small heels and grabs her handbag, the nerves in her stomach multiplying as it gets closer to 7.

'Actually I'm going on a date tonight.' Emma says nervously as she steps out her bedroom. Mary Margret's eyes go wide before she claps her hands together and grins.

'Oh Emma, that's great! Who is it with, is it Walsh?' She asks excitedly and Emma can't stop the way her face screws up with disgust.

'Um, no. It's with Killian.' Emma replies before quickly darting into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Mary Margret follows her in and stands with her arms crossed, wearing a judgmental expression that would remind Emma of her mother had she had one.

'As in Killian Jones? The guy you work with?' Mary Margret asks and Emma is glad to have a mouthful of toothpaste as an excuse not to speak. She simply nods and frowns at Mary Margret in the mirror when she hums disapprovingly. Emma rinses out her mouth and finds her favorite red lipstick in her make up bag before responding.

'What is it?' She sighs, knowing her friend is positively desperate to say what's on her mind.

'Well, I just don't think it's wise to date someone you work with, especially Killian considering all the things you've told me about him. I just don't want to see you get hurt, that's all.' Mary Margret says firmly before giving her a smile that Emma can only interpret as pitiful.

'Aren't you the one that told me I should open myself up more, let love in and all that crap?' Emma asks teasingly before applying her lipstick.

'Yes, but I didn't mean with someone as questionable as Killian.' Mary Margret sighs, slumping against the door frame like the conversation is exhausting her.

'Look, it's nothing serious, it's just to get his brother off his back while he's in town. Besides, Walsh makes me feel more uncomfortable than Killian does and you're all pushing me to be with him so I think I'll make my own decisions on dating thank you very much.' Emma jokes before pressing her lips together to even out her lipstick. Mary Margret hums in response, putting her hands up to admit defeat and goes back into the kitchen to unpack the groceries.

 _It's nothing serious_. Emma wishes she could tell her heart that and maybe it would stop beating so damn fast.

* * *

'Wow, what rich person are you trying to impress?' David grins as Killian exits the restroom, nervously patting down the small but noticeable creases in his shirt. He should have stopped to iron it but he was already late for work after spending so long deciding which bloody shirt to even wear.

'Who says I'm trying to impress anybody?' He replies defensively but David just raises his eyebrows and him and Killian sighs.

'I'm going on a date with Emma.' Killian can't help the way his lips curve into a smile as he says those words but he tries to hide it by ducking under the bar and helping himself to a small amount of rum.

'As in Emma Swan, the woman you work with?' David asks in disbelief and Killian nods before finishing the rum in one mouthful.

'I thought you hated her? I mean obviously your hatred was just thinly veiled sexual desire but I never thought you'd actually go on a date with her. You're growing up Jones, I'm so proud.' David pats his shoulder with a ridiculously smug grin and Killian frowns at his friend until he leaves to tend to the customers waiting for their drinks.

Killian never really thought he'd go on a date with Emma either, yet here he was, making his way to her apartment to pick her up for a romantic evening together. He's usually quite relaxed about going on dates but Emma's seen him charm and flirt with other women before and he knows none of those moves will work on her.

This is uncharted territory and it makes his heart beat a little faster when he realizes he has no idea how to act around Emma Swan.

* * *

Damn, he looks good tonight. Like nibble on her lip, flushed cheeks good. He's wearing dark jeans with a navy blue shirt and a leather jacket, complete with rugged stubble and bright blue eyes.

Emma is sure she's been staring for longer than socially acceptable but she's pleased to see he looks equally enamoured by her appearance.

'Emma, you look beautiful.' He smiles softly and the crazy feeling in her stomach multiplies. She's never heard a compliment sound so genuine and the thought makes her blush even harder. She stumbles over words of appreciation for him too and he grins, pulling out his hand from behind his back and giving her a single red rose. It's perhaps slightly cliché for a date but she really doesn't care because he seems to be blushing too now and she takes the rose from him with a breathy thank you and puts it in the vase Mary Margret keeps on the table.

'Not serious, huh?' Her roommate whispers and Emma swiftly exits her apartment before Mary Margret gets the chance to meet Killian and say something embarrassing.

They discuss their days at work in turn, neither getting time to talk at the office and with Killian leaving quickly to get to his shift at the pub they hadn't spoken all day. The conversation feels strange to Emma and she's relieved when they arrive at the movie theatre, putting the awkwardness down to this being their first date.

Killian pays for tickets and gets the popcorn and she feels she should at least offer to pay but suddenly her palms feel sweaty and heat prickles her forehead and she just wants to get into the cool dark room of the theatre. They sit up the back (she knows the reputation of the back row in movie theatres but she wanted to stay away from the kids in the middle that look too young to be in an R rated movie).

'Swan, are you okay?' Killian whispers just as the lights dim for the movie to start. She simply nods and sits back with her eyes focused on the screen, chewing on her bottom lip until Killian looks away from her.

Perhaps this was a bad idea.

* * *

She's been uncomfortable since the start, he can tell. Killian isn't sure what's wrong but he can sense something is off with her. Emma is sitting rigidly beside him and has barely eaten any popcorn or taken a drink from her soda the entire movie so far.

He puts his hand over hers on the arm rest and she visibly jumps from his touch.

'Swan, do you want to get out of here?' He asks, and when he notices her eyes widening in the flickering light from the screen he realizes how his question might sound to her.

'I can tell you're not enjoying the movie, why sit until the crappy ending?' He adds, hoping that elevates her discomfort. She nods and they leave, narrowly avoiding getting hit with popcorn by the kids as they go.

So far the date hadn't been going as well as he had hoped and he wonders why Emma seems withdrawn (she had after all been the one to ask him on a date). They were going to go for dinner after the movie but he senses Emma doesn't want that.

'This is awkward isn't it?' Killian says with a scratch of his ear as they stand on the sidewalk outside the theatre. Emma licks her lips and the smallest smile tugs at them and she nods.

'Yeah, kind of.' She exhales, as if relieved he was the one to say it. 'I feel like we should talk, maybe that's why it feels like this.' Emma suggests and he can't help the churning feeling in stomach that stirs up at the thought of them talking.

'We can go back to my place and order in instead of going to dinner if you'd like.' Killian offers. Emma replies with a quiet 'okay' and a soft smile and damn his emotions are all over the place tonight.

He leads the way to his apartment and they walk in silence, neither sure what to say now that they have a more serious conversation looming over them. He notices the goose bumps on Emma's arms and he shrugs out of his jacket and places it over her shoulders. She looks up at him in surprise before murmuring her thanks, putting her arms through the sleeves and pulling the lapels of the jacket closer around her.

She's wearing a tight red dress and heels but the masculine jacket looks good on her and it makes him feel even more disappointed that this date isn't going well. She has a look of sadness that's making his heart hurt and he has a sudden urge to hold her, to brush through her blonde curls and kiss her until the look of despair is gone from her eyes.

They reach his apartment and he invites her in, telling her to make herself at home while he orders pizza. Emma doesn't of course, she sits on the edge of his sofa looking around his home with wide eyes, probably analyzing everything she sees.

'The pizza should be here soon.' He says as he returns the phone to the table and sits down at the other end of the sofa to her. She nods but doesn't look at him and he exhales.

'You seem to have a few things on your mind, lass.' Killian says quietly and Emma finally looks up at him. She looks less scared now but there is still a sense of hesitation he feels from her as she tugs on the sleeves of his jacket she still wears.

'Just one thing actually.' She turns to see him better but she still curls in on herself defensively and he can tell she's nervous.

'I've been trying to figure out what's going on between us and I can't. It was easier when you hated me, I knew where you stood with me then, even if I didn't know why. I thought if we went on a date it would make sense but I feel even more confused. I can't help but feel like…you're making fun of me.'

Killian was expecting her to mention his previous feelings towards her but he hadn't expected her to feel _that_ way.

'Emma, what could possibly make you think that?' He asks in disbelief and she shrugs.

'I just wonder if any of this is real or you're just playing some game with me. That you'll take me on dates and call me beautiful and then laugh at how desperate I was for love that I believed you.'

Killian wants to pull her into his arms, to tell her that all of that is ridiculous and the last thing he wants to do is break her. But he doesn't, because he knows that she doesn't want to be coddled or even comforted, she just wants answers. He's silent for a moment, trying to think of the best way to explain to her.

'I've acted a certain way towards you ever since we met. I suppose it seemed strange to you, me acting like I hated you even though I didn't even know you. Even I didn't understand why I felt that way about you, until now. I see myself in you, Emma. The way you are on the outside is how I feel on the inside. I created this…persona, this flirtatious, confident guy that I thought I needed to be to succeed. But the truth is, it's not really me. You reminded me of who I really was and I hated you for it.' He's still piecing it together in his own mind as he speaks but he feels relieved to be telling her the truth anyway.

Emma's expression is unreadable and he hopes he hasn't upset her but just as he is about to continue the buzzer goes off and he remembers the pizza delivery (it's the first time he's been frustrated at living so close to the pizzeria).

He buzzes the delivery guy up and awkwardly waits by the door, watching Emma as she shrugs out of his jacket and carefully places it on the back of the sofa. He wonders if she's about to leave but she leans forward to slip off her heels and he exhales as she gets more comfortable on the sofa.

There's a knock at the door and Killian is shocked to see his brother on the other side, holding up a box of pizza with a grin.

'I'm come baring food for my little brother.' Liam says and despite how much Killian has missed his brother all these months he could punch him for interrupting this moment with Emma. He opens the door wider so Liam can see Emma is there but he just takes it as an invitation and Killian grits his teeth.

'Oh Emma, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize I was interrupting.' Liam says softly when he (finally) notices Emma, but he continues walking into the apartment all the same and Killian rolls his eyes.

'And yet you're still here, _interrupting_.' Killian sighs, swinging the door shut and looking over at Emma apologetically. She's smiling but he can tell it's the polite, false kind and damn he was so close to finally getting somewhere with her.

'I'm sorry, I'll leave in a minute but I just need your help with something. Actually I suppose I could talk to both of you about it.' Liam says, sitting down in the armchair and helping himself to the pizza.

Killian frowns and takes the box away from him, offering it to Emma as he sits beside her, giving her another silent apology before turning to Liam.

'Well you know that Isobel and I have two kids but both of us have always wanted a bigger family. We've been trying for another child for a couple of years now but haven't been lucky. Isobel has miscarried twice and neither of us want to go through it again. It's been tough, especially with Isobel's sister getting pregnant recently. We were discussing our options and Isobel mentioned adoption. I wasn't too keen on the idea, I know the process is long and difficult and we've got Anna and Ellie to think about too.' Liam explains as he finishes his slice of pizza.

'What are your thoughts on it? Isobel says I'm being too closed minded, but it's a big commitment to make, you know?' Liam asks. Killian is about to reply with some admittedly unhelpful advice by saying that it's their family and their decision but Emma speaks before he gets the chance to.

'I think you should do it.' Her quick and simple response surprises both Killian and his brother and their expressions clearly urge her into an explanation.

'I grew up in the foster system. I never knew my birth parents and I was bounced around from group homes to foster families until I was 18. My whole childhood was spent wishing one day a nice family would come rescue me from the pit of kids that bullied me and foster parents that only used me for a paycheck. If you adopt just one kid, you're saving them from potentially having a childhood like mine.' The apartment is silent when Emma finishes speaking and Killian can do nothing but stare at her.

He'd never known any of this (why would he?) and her confession shocks him. Liam is the first to recover from the news and he clears his throat and nods.

'You're right, I suppose I've been selfish only thinking about it from my perspective.' Liam admits, taking another slice of pizza as he contemplates his options once again, this time perhaps with an open mind thanks to Emma.

Killian doesn't say anything, he just offers the last slice of pizza to Emma and finds his heart clenching when she smiles at him. She probably never got the last slice of anything in her foster homes and he can't help the wave of pity he feels for her. He knows she would hate that and he tries not to reveal too much in his expression as he looks at her.

Liam stays to chat for a little while longer and Killian comes rather close to kicking him out until his brother finally gets the hint that he wants him to leave.

'I'm sorry again for crashing your date guys. And thank you Emma for your help with this.' Liam says as he leaves, to which she just smiles and says 'any time'. Killian exhales when he closes the door and Liam is finally gone.

'Apologies lass, I didn't expect him to come over and stay for so bloody long.' Killian says but Emma is shaking her head as she shifts awkwardly on the sofa.

'It's okay, he needed some advice on something important and he came to his brother, that's what family is for, right?' She says and god he can't help the way his head tilts and his gaze softens as he looks at her. She's never even had a real family.

'It's just as well I was here and not some other woman or Liam would have asked all kinds of questions.' Emma jokes, trying to lighten the mood a little. He laughs but he doesn't find it funny at all and the laughter sounds horribly forced to his ears.

'I suppose you want to go home now.' Killian says a moment later, his disappointment evident in his voice.

'Actually I wanted to see your artwork, if that's okay.' Emma replies with a soft smile, her eyes travelling to the stack of canvases in the corner where his drawings of her are tucked away. He hadn't anticipated her ever seeing them and he suddenly feels nervous at the thought of her judging his work, particularly as she is the subject of most of them.

'Okay, but I warn you that they're not quite finished so don't judge too harshly.' Killian says with an involuntary scratch of his ear as she walks over to look for herself. She looks through the sketchbook first, flipping the pages of quickly drawn images that came to him when the pencil was in his hand. Those drawings were random, like plants and cityscapes and maps of constellations. Emma smiles as she looks over them and his stomach churns in anticipation for her reaching the other drawings.

'Have you always been interested in art?' She asks curiously as she lifts the lid on his old paint palettes.

'Aye, since I was very young. My mother was rather ill and I spent a lot of time in the playroom at the hospital. I would paint her pictures of flowers and the sun thinking it would cheer her up and make her better.' Killian replies honestly and Emma looks up in surprise. He sees the question in her eyes but knows she doesn't want to ask and he simply shakes his head in response to her silent question.

'I'm sorry, Killian.' Emma murmurs quietly. He walks over to join her, lifting the small canvas that sits on the wall off its hook as he goes.

'I painted this when I last visited her grave back in England. The sun was just beginning to set and I looked up and saw the sun shining through the trees and all the different colours of the sky. It was beautiful, and it stuck in my head until I could get it out.' Killian has never told anyone the story behind the painting before, no one besides Liam even knows he is the artist.

'It's beautiful. You're really talented.' Emma says softly and her compliment touches him more than he had expected. He hangs the painting back up and moves to the pile in the corner, laughing as he picks up the first one.

'I started this when I was drunk a while back and to this day I don't know what it was supposed to be.' It's a load of streaks in different colours that seem to be in some shape but he can't tell what. Emma laughs too, a curl of her hair falling in front of her face as she does. It reminds him of the drawing that is next in the pile and his stomach flips.

'I drew this of you the night we met in the café.' He explains a little more subdued this time, watching her as she takes in the drawing of herself. She doesn't speak and he's desperate to know her reaction. She puts the drawing down and moves towards the rest on her own, lifting them up and examining each drawing and painting he's made. Most of them are close up portraits of her but a few are different, like the one he drew of her at her desk. It was inspired by the time he saw her reading during their lunchbreak, with her hair tumbling down around her face as she reads, a more relaxed expression on her face than when she was working.

The one he had started painting was a portrait of her from the time she was late for work one morning. Her cheeks were rosy from rushing and her long blonde hair was windswept and slightly wild and it was his favorite one of her so far (he had laughed when Ellie said she looked like a princess on an adventure and wanted him to add a tiara).

'Why me?' Emma asks quietly and he's brought back to the reality of her standing in his apartment looking at the work he's kept secret for months. She's not angry liked he worried she might be but she seems emotional and he can only hope she doesn't close herself off and run before either of them can make sense of this.

'Honestly Swan, I don't know. All I know is that when I look for inspiration all I can think of is you.' Perhaps it's not an explanation, at least one of any great revelation, but Emma's eyes widen in response for a second before a smile tugs at her lips.

'You're rather confusing, Jones.' He feels the tension ease, if only a little, when she laughs lightly. She continues looking at his various pieces of artwork and he rubs his forehead in relief that she is still here.

'Would you like some coffee?' Killian asks and she looks up from another one of his drawings to smile and nod. He heads to the kitchen and puts the kettle on, shaking out his nerves while he's there. He hadn't realized just how anxious he had been over his date with Emma but the change in their plans had completely changed his idea of how the night would go and everything is now unpredictable and that scares him. But maybe a bit of fear is exactly what he needs.

Emma is looking at the painting on the wall again when he walks back over to her. She has a gentle expression as she regards the painting and a small smile that he's quickly growing to love.

'Killian-' she starts, but his lips are on hers before she can finish her sentence. His heart is racing and his skin is tingling as he pushes her up against the wall, pressing his own body against her as their lips meet in a heated frenzy and all sensible thoughts leave his mind as he _finally_ kisses Emma Swan.


	9. Chapter 9

Emma looks at the painting on the wall, admiring Killian's rather incredible talent. He has an eye for detail and a beautiful way of capturing those details in his drawings, with the portraits of her being no exception. She was curious the moment she learned there were drawings of her in his apartment but when she spotted the art supplies and canvases in the corner her heart had jumped.

She hadn't really known what to expect but it definitely hadn't been what she saw. There was care and thought and detail in the pictures of her. He even got the scatter of freckles on her nose in them and the colour of her eyes in the one he had painted.

The one he had painted when he visited his mother's grave was simply stunning and she can't take her eyes away from it while he's busy in the kitchen with their coffee. He hadn't mentioned anything about his father but she senses that it is just Killian and Liam now, and with Liam living over 3000 miles away Killian might even feel like he doesn't have a family sometimes. Perhaps they are more similar than she had realized.

She hears him come back and she feels her lips involuntarily curve at how touched he had been when she complimented his work.

'Killian-' Emma begins, but suddenly he is kissing her before she can say anything more and she freezes with shock. His hands are on her waist and he's moving her up against the wall, pressing himself against her as he kisses her so fiercely she feels lightheaded already.

Emma doesn't know what to think, doesn't know if she _can_ even think right now and instead she simply feels, following the instinct of her body to kiss back. Her hands run up his back and into his hair as she shifts her legs so that his hips are pressing against hers. Killian makes a low sound of approval when she tugs on his bottom lip with her teeth (by accident in the heat of the moment but he seems to appreciate it).

He smells like the coffee grounds and aftershave and his shirt smells like lavender fabric softener. Truthfully she's never be one to notice such different scents, particularly in moments such as this, but everything feels heightened as he touches her and their lips meet repeatedly. His hand moves from her waist to brush along her thigh and she feels like she burning when their skin touches.

'I've thought about this moment for a long time.' Killian murmurs against her cheek and his shaky voice makes her stomach flip.

'And how does it compare to your imagination?' Emma replies, inhaling when he moves to rest his forehead against hers.

' _Nothing_ compares to the real thing.' He sighs, and she feels like she would have slid down the wall had he not had a good grip on her. Emma breathes him in for a moment, her eyelashes fluttering involuntarily when he brushes his lips against her neck and jaw before pulling back. Their eyes meet and reality hits her that she just passionately kissed her co-worker, _Killian Jones_ no less.

'So…' She trails off awkwardly and she can see his kiss hazed glow fade with disappointment as he expects the worst. She feels like any doubts she had about his intentions with her have faded, but she doesn't know if that makes her feel better or uneasy in a different way.

Killian moves his hand off her thigh and steps back, giving her enough room to step away from him, if she wanted to. He rubs the back of his neck and looks away, as if ashamed by what he had done.

Emma can't bear it any longer and she grabs his forearm and pulls him back to kiss him again. He melts into her with relief and she takes control this time, hoping he understands she wants this too. It's not as urgent as the first time but it's still exploratory, the way he moves his hands back onto her waist before brushing up her back and into her hair, his fingers massaging the base of her head as she tilts to deepen the kiss.

It's been a while and Emma had forgotten just how enjoyable kissing can be.

Killian pulls away and she feels herself chase his lips for a second, not quite ready to stop. His arms move to circle around her back in an embrace and she lazily opens her eyes to see his blue ones staring back.

'Do you know now, Emma? Do you know I'm not playing some game with you?' He whispers and she's momentarily distracted by his dark lashes fluttering as his eyes plead with her. She moves her hand to cup his face, her thumb brushing the tinge of red lipstick that had transferred between their lips with a smile.

'Yes.' She replies, and she feels his lips curve beneath her thumb as he smiles back.

* * *

Its 11:30 when Emma returns home, completely forgetting it was girls' night until she opens the door, expecting a quiet apartment and is instead met with loud cheers of welcome from her clearly tipsy friends.

She slides off her heels and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge before joining them, grinning at the chorus of questions coming from all sides.

'How did the date go?' A polite enquiry from Mary Margret.

'Did you kiss?' An understandable question from Ashley.

'Did you have sex with him?' And a blunt demand from Ruby.

Emma takes a drink of her water before answering, giving herself time to decide whether she wanted to tell them everything or not.

'The date didn't actually go that well at first, things were awkward so we ditched the movie and dinner plans and had a quiet night in at his place.' Emma explains simply. It was the true after all, even if she had omitted some details.

'Right, because it's best to bang out the awkwardness than have it hang over you at dinner.' Ruby grins, earning her a scowl from Mary Margret and a muffled giggle from Ashley.

'And how did that go, were things still weird?' Mary Margret asks more sensibly and Emma fiddles with the plastic wrapping on her water bottle.

'At first, we weren't exactly on the best of terms with each other before this so I didn't know what to expect. We talked for a bit and got to know one another, it was nice.' Emma shrugs, suddenly feeling shy about talking to her friends. They were all open with each other about relationships and dating, Emma even laughed about her awkward one night stands and failed dates with them but her date with Killian was different. Despite everything it _hadn't_ been a failure, and she wants to keep their night between just the two of them for now.

'Emma you're blushing, you totally had sex with him!' Ruby exclaims and Emma rolls her eyes.

'Just because Victor is withholding sex does not mean you get to live vicariously through me. Besides, I didn't even sleep with him anyway. We just kissed that's all.' Emma feels heat prickle all over her body at the thought of their kiss (several, in fact) and she can't deny the fact to herself that it wasn't _just_ a kiss.

'Victor's being ridiculous if he thinks he can outlast me in this bet. I love the man but I can have orgasms without him. I give him two more days and he'll be begging for it.' Ruby snorts before her eyes widen and she grins.

'So you _did_ kiss him? How was it?' She demands before taking another sip of her tequila and Emma laughs as Ashley and Mary Margret look at her expectantly, both just as eager for details.

'It was…the best kiss I've had in a long time.' Emma reveals and her three friends grin and demand more details from her. She feels like she's in 10th grade instead of being a grown woman but she's enjoying this moment anyway. It's been a while since she's returned home from a date and actually felt good about it and she welcomes the sense of anticipation for more.

Perhaps she did succumb to Killian Jones' charm tonight, and perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing.

* * *

'Killian.' Emma sighs between kisses, finding herself once again up against a wall in Killian's apartment not 12 hours since the first time.

'Hmm?' Killian hums in response, his hands brushing the curve of her waist and settling on her hips as he leans against her, the heat of the moment making their foreheads clammy as they breathe heavily.

'Your brother is going to be here any minute now.' Emma murmurs, trying to convince herself as much as him that they need to stop.

'I've waited a long time to kiss you Emma, my brother can wait outside a few minutes until I'm finished.' Killian replies back before pressing his lips to hers once more. The man appears to be insatiable, pressing her against the wall and kissing her the moment she stepped foot in his apartment this morning. His gift was sitting on the floor by the door, completely forgotten about once they saw each other.

Emma had stopped off on her way to his apartment to buy him something; she couldn't exactly turn up empty handed on his birthday when she was supposed to be his girlfriend (or is she _really_ his girlfriend now?). Killian hadn't even noticed the badly wrapped gift in the sequined blue bag (it was the only thing the store had that wasn't pink with princesses on) when he opened the door for her, quickly pulling her inside and muttering a compliment before picking up exactly where they left off the previous night.

'But-' Emma begins but she's cut off by Killian chuckling against her lips and she opens her eyes to look at him. His own eyes are only half open, a slightly dazed look on his face as he grins at her.

'I didn't think you be would so concerned with propriety, Swan.' He says, curling her hair behind her ear and fixing his shirt as he steps back (she bites her lip at the obvious wrinkle where she grabbed it).

'I'm not usually, I just feel like I need to make a good impression for your family.' Emma shrugs, fixing her hair in the mirror and avoiding catching his eye in the reflection.

'They already love you.' Killian replies and she bites the inside of her cheek at his response. She sneaks a glance in the mirror at him and she can tell he is about to say something else but the door buzzes and he tilts his head, as if debating whether or not to say it before his brother comes in.

Killian presses the button to let Liam into the apartment building, still watching Emma as he moves. She turns to move over to the couch but he stops her with a gentle touch on her arm before kissing her, far more softly than before.

'I won't get to kiss you for the rest of the day.' He murmurs, as if justifying the surprisingly tender kiss. She smiles as he steps back and picks up her forgotten gift, raising his eyebrows questioningly at her.

'You didn't need to get me anything.' Killian says sheepishly, although she notices him peer into the gift bag curiously and it's obvious he's trying to hide how pleased he is that she did. There's a knock at the door and the unmistakable giggle of his nieces in the hall and he slides the gift into the small coat closet before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

'Thanks, love. I'll open it later when we have some privacy.' He says casually, making his way over to let his family in. His words make her stomach flutter and it's the first time she feels like they're a real couple. Their date last night hadn't exactly been conventional and despite the heat and clear passion in their kisses, the casual intimacy was what made her heart beat a little faster.

Emma's thoughts are interrupted by a loud chatter as soon as Killian opens the door and she smiles as Anna and Ellie run in immediately wearing princess dresses and tiaras.

'We come visit New York and all they want to do is go to the Disney Store.' Liam's wife Isobel laughs as she hugs Killian. Liam comes in behind her with a grin, holding his own gift bag of presents for his brother.

'Happy birthday, little brother.' He says, putting the bag down to hug Killian. Emma watches on, biting her bottom lip as she sees how happy Killian looks. She remembers what he said about it being a while since he last saw his brother and she wonders if it's hard having family so far away (she _does not_ think about the fact that she's never even had a family to miss).

Isobel sees her watching and smiles, coming over to join her in the lounge area.

'Hi, you must be Emma. I'm Isobel, Killian's sister in law.' She says with a friendly smile and Emma smiles back, feeling a little shy all of a sudden. She's not exactly a sociable person but she wouldn't consider herself shy either, but Isobel and Liam are different. They're Killian's family and they will probably judge her more critically than a stranger would. That and the fact that her and Killian have only been 'dating' less than 24 hours makes her anxious.

'Hi, it's nice to meet you. How are you enjoying your visit so far?' Emma asks politely as Isobel comes to join her on the sofa. Killian and Liam are still talking away as they walk into the kitchen, Anna and Ellie following behind with requests for juice boxes.

'It's been great, nice to get away from the daily grind of things back home. And of course to see Killian.' Isobel replies, holding a cushion to her chest as she gets comfortable. 'I wanted to thank you, by the way.' She adds and Emma raises her eyebrow in surprise.

'For what?' She says, but she recalls what happened last night (besides her and Killian making out) and she understands what Isobel means.

'Liam told me that you helped him see things differently about the whole adoption thing. I really think it could be a great thing for our family.' Isobel smiles and Emma feels relieved. She never usually tells people about her childhood but she can tell that Isobel holds absolutely no judgment or pity towards her for it and it's nice.

'I'm glad I could help. I understand why he was hesitant but I know what it's like to be on the other end, to not have parents and siblings and a home. When I was a kid all I wanted was to be in a family like yours.' Emma admits and she really doesn't know why but somehow the Jones family have a strange ability to make her open up.

'Well, I guess you're a part of our family now right? From what Liam tells me Killian is really happy with you. I'm sure you know about their argument a few months ago but Liam's been so worried about him since then. He thought maybe Killian lost it a little, went off the rails to spite him. He said the kids wanted to see their uncle but really he just wanted to check in on him.' Isobel explains and Emma nods along like she knew about all this already.

'Well Killian's been stubborn in not wanting to prove Liam right but he admitted he should have listened to him sooner.' Emma replies, making a mental note to ask Killian what the hell happened between him and his brother.

Anna and Ellie run back in the lounge and Isobel gives her a smile that suggests their conversation has come to an abrupt end now that the kids are here, for which Emma is secretly grateful for. She hadn't prepared for how she was going to act like Killian's girlfriend of 4 months and not 12 hours.

'If you were a princess I think you'd be Rapunzel.' Ellie says to her as she climbs up onto the sofa, snuggling into her mom as Anna joins her sister and sits with Emma.

'I think you are Odette.' Anna smiles up at her as she fixes her tiara. The family resemblance between them all is obvious and she sees Isobel's strong cheekbones already noticeable in her eldest daughter, although she sees the Jones' genetics in her blue eyes and dark hair.

'Anna has discovered The Swan Princess and watches it every day after school.' Isobel says softly, brushing through Ellie's hair as she speaks.

'Do you want to know a secret?' Emma whispers to Anna, who nods excitedly as she plays with the glittery skirt of her princess dress.

'My last name is Swan.' Emma tells her, laughing when Anna gasps with wide eyes beside her.

'My auntie is the Swan Princess.' Anna giggles excitedly and Emma's chest warms at how happy the little girl is (and maybe also because she called her auntie).

Killian and Liam come in then and Emma can see they've shared an emotional moment of some kind by the expression on Killian's face. He's smiling though, genuinely, and she knows the two brothers have resolved whatever issue had come between them. Killian is positively beaming when he sees his niece curled up with her on the sofa and she realizes what a far cry this man is to the one she knew (or thought she knew) at work.

Killian turns the TV on and Anna and Ellie both dive for the remote, fighting first before Anna says they will only watch something if they both agree on it. The adults laugh at the maturity of the 8 year old and Emma looks over at Isobel and Liam, their arms around each other on the other end of the sofa as they watch their children happily. The girls make a mini bed of cushions on the floor and lie down as they watch The Little Mermaid and Emma knows that the child Liam and Isobel adopt one day will be very happy to join their family.

Killian comes to sit beside her now there is space on the couch and he puts his arm around her too, kissing her cheek and lingering for a moment while no one is looking.

'Your smile is so beautiful, Swan.' He whispers and her stomach drops at his words. She had never imagined Killian Jones would say those words to her, and she had definitely not imagined the involuntary flush of her cheeks when he did. It seems like things have changed a lot since they first met.


	10. Chapter 10

Emma's hand is in his as they walk through Central Park after dinner, Liam and Isobel walking beside them and the girls running around ahead. It's been the best birthday he's had in years and Killian is glad to have his brother back in his life. He realized just how much he's missed talking to him and playing with his nieces and laughing as Isobel complains lightheartedly about her husband.

Killian has enjoyed catching up with his brother, but the day was made even more enjoyable with Emma by his side. They hadn't had much time (any time actually) to get accustomed to dating, to knowing each other on a more intimate level but while they've been practically forced into acting like a couple today nothing _felt_ forced between them.

Emma has been surprisingly responsive to his affections throughout the day, a far cry from the woman who would sneer at him in the office if they ever crossed paths. Killian thinks about what he knows of Emma, her lack of family and her fear of being used and played by him and he instinctively squeezes her hand tighter as they walk. Emma's laugh pulls him out of his thoughts and he looks over at her to see her smiling, talking to Isobel as Liam chases after his daughters and lifts them up in the air, Ellie giggling and Anna tugging on her dad's sweater to go next.

She seems to glow with happiness, her cheeks slightly flushed and her eyes sparkling and he wonders how there was ever a time he didn't see her this way. They stop near Liam's hotel and say their goodbyes for the night, Liam, Isobel and the girls all wishing Killian a happy birthday once again before heading up to their hotel room. He and Emma walk slowly back to his apartment, laughing about the embarrassing stories Liam had told over dinner of Killian as a child. Emma hums with a smile before sobering up and he knows what's coming.

'What happened between you two?' She asks and he feels her hold his hand a little tighter as she waits for his response.

'Liam disapproved of my lifestyle out here, and at first it just started with him teasing me about late nights and partying but then it became more serious and he was genuinely worried about me. I thought he was being ridiculous to be honest, that he was uptight and boring now that he had settled down. The last time Liam, Isobel and the kids came to visit was over a year ago and I ruined it.' Killian explains, inhaling as they cross the street before continuing, avoiding looking over at Emma despite her encouraging hold on his hand.

'I had a hangover the whole day I spent with Anna and Ellie and Liam knew. Then I lied and said I had to work but I just went out to a bar and got drunk. I came back home with a woman I didn't even know the name of but Liam and the kids were still at the apartment. Isobel took them back to their hotel but Liam stayed, yelling at me that the girls just wanted to see their uncle and that I cared more about getting laid than the family. We had talked on the phone since then, but it always came back to the same thing. A few months ago Liam blew up at me, saying he dreads the phone ringing because he worries its bad news about me. I told him that he should stop caring about me and maybe we'd both be better off and we hadn't spoken again until a few weeks ago.' They reach his apartment building but he hangs back, not wanting to assume she wants to go back up with him.

'That's why you wanted me to come today, to show Liam that you had stability in your life.' Emma says quietly and he wonders what she thinks of him. She never exactly held him in high regard before but he had hoped this weekend had changed that.

'Isobel said Liam was worried you had gone off the trails to spite him.' Emma adds and he chuckles quietly.

'Of course the bloody git made it about himself.' He says with a shake of his head but he smiles anyway. 'I'm just glad we're speaking again. Despite how much he nags and complains I know he does it to protect me.' Emma nods and smiles and he sees a genuine care in her eyes for him, although there is a hint of something else there too, perhaps sadness.

'Would you like to come back up, maybe actually have some coffee this time?' Killian asks with a grin and Emma bites her lip and looks up at him through her lashes, testing his restraint of waiting until they're in the apartment to kiss her.

It's Emma that caves first when they make it back inside, wrapping her arms around his waist beneath his jacket and kissing him with a muffled hum of pleasure. Kissing her is unlike anyone else; there is no battle to prove who kisses better or who is more dominant, it's just natural.

Emma breaks away and hides behind her hair as if embarrassed by her hasty behaviour, although she runs her tongue along her lips appreciatively and his stomach flips. Killian brushes the hair away from her face, smiling when she looks up at him with a shy smile of her own and he knows it's been a long time since he felt this kind of connection when he looks into someone's eyes.

They eventually separate and Killian goes to make coffee while Emma gets comfortable on the sofa (he notices she's a lot more at ease now than she was last night). She quietly takes a call when her phone rings and he grins when he hears her whine her friend's name before telling them to not wait up for her.

'Sorry that was just my roommate being nosy.' Emma sighs as she takes the mug of coffee he offers her.

'She doesn't approve of you.' Emma adds and Killian raises his eyebrows in surprise.

'What exactly does she have against me?' He asks casually, placing his own mug on the coffee table until it cools down a little.

'I may have complained about you once or twice.' Emma shrugs and Killian frowns. Somewhere between all their kisses and shared smiles this weekend he had forgotten that they hadn't started on the best of terms. Emma seems to notice his expression and puts her mug down beside his.

'I think we both made some assumptions about each other that weren't exactly fair.' She says softly and he nods.

'Aye, I suppose we did. And I should apologize for something else as well. I said that you were only given your job at random, but truthfully you got it on merit. I was angry and jealous when I said that and I knew it would hurt you. I see how hard you work and I know how much it means to you. So I'm sorry for that, Emma.' Killian tells her, surprised to see that she is smiling.

'I figured as much. I told the receptionist you had an STD so I guess we're even.' Emma laughs and he gasps in fake offense.

'What if Jessica had been my soulmate, Swan? How would you have felt keeping us apart like that?' Killian responds, failing to hide his grin as Emma laughs again.

'You really believe in soulmates?' She asks and he thinks about the question more seriously than the simple joke she had presented it as.

'I'm open to the idea.' He replies, reaching for his coffee and taking a drink to avoid seeing her reaction. He can hear her hum thoughtfully as she shifts on the couch beside him.

'Well, if soulmates were real surely fate would find a way for you and Jessica to be together then.' Emma continues and he tightens his grip on the mug.

'And yet I'm here with you.' He can see Emma swallow but she doesn't look away and the desire to kiss her burns up again inside him, but then Emma clears her throat and the moment passes.

'So when does your brother fly back home?' Emma asks, leaning forward to get her coffee and tuck her legs up on the sofa.

'Their flight leaves tomorrow evening, sometime around 6 I think. He wasn't here for very long but maybe now we're speaking again we'll see each other at Christmas. I've wanted to go back to England for a while now so perhaps I can go visit next time.' Killian realizes how much he's going to miss Liam and he fights off the wave of sadness he feels.

'It's nice that you have that. I've always wondered what it would be like to have a family you make plans with for the holidays. A few years back I spent Christmas with my friend from high school and her grandmother. They were lovely and welcoming but I felt like I was intruding; they weren't _my_ family.' Emma admits, a look of nostalgia on her face as she stares into her mug.

'Christmas has never really been a great time for me either, not since moving here anyway. Neither I nor my brother could afford to see each other so I usually spend Christmas alone. The one year I didn't was when the family down the hall wanted to use my oven and felt sorry for me.' Killian chuckles. Emma rests her hand on his thigh and he inhales, trying not to look too affected by her touch.

She puts her mug on the table and gently takes his away too, moving so that she is straddling him. He feels himself flush at the sudden intimate position they're in and he hesitantly rests his hands on her hips as she looks at him. He's seen her wear this expression before, when she's deep in thought at her desk but this time he can see her up close and he can't take his eyes off her.

'I hated you because you reminded me of how alone I felt. You were with all these different women and it reminded me that I had no one. I never imagined that we had that in common.' Emma murmurs and he clenches his jaw as her eyes drift down to his lips for a second.

'Slightly ironic that perhaps we wouldn't have felt so alone if we had just gotten to know one another sooner.' Killian replies, not waiting for a response before leaning forward to capture her lips. Emma's hands travel into his hair and he groans at the sensation of her fingers running through it.

Emma pulls her lips away from his but lingers only inches away, the closeness of her lips to his causing them to tingle with anticipation.

'But surely you felt something with those other women.' Emma whispers, as if questioning his interest in her despite their intimate activity.

'Not like this, not like with you.' Killian admits, not caring that he revealed more than he intended. She makes a strange noise of surprise before kissing him quick and hard once more. He feels so hot that his jeans feel suffocating and his skin prickles all over but he embraces the heat of Emma's skin as she slides her hands under his shirt to touch his chest.

He shifts so that they slide down the sofa and Emma is beneath him, their lips barely parting as they move. Emma wraps her legs around him as her hands move back into his hair and her soft noises of appreciation stokes the desire burning in his chest. He pulls away from her to breathe for a moment, smiling as she slowly opens her eyes and chews on her swollen bottom lip as their eyes meet.

'I don't know how I'm going to cope at work on Monday not being able to do this whenever I please.' Killian jokes, making Emma roll her eyes and grin.

'You need to practice some restraint, Jones.' She replies, teasing him as she squeezes her thighs tighter around him, a smug look on her face as he groans. She rises up to kiss him slowly and he relishes in this moment while he can.

'You make it difficult, Swan.' Killian jokes, closing his eyes when she tucks her head into his neck and laughs softly. They remain in each other's arms for a while, sharing kisses and random thoughts before they both groan with discomfort at the cramped space on the sofa. He's surprised at how Emma fluctuates between flirting and kissing to seeming shy and self-conscious but he puts it down to her being just as stunned by their connection as he is. He suggests watching a movie and she smiles, pulling the blanket from the armchair and getting comfortable beside him. She gasps in surprise when he wraps his arm around her waist and tugs her closer and he enjoys the way she wriggles in his arms and pulls the blanket over him too.

'I find it hard to believe Killian Jones spends his Saturday nights curled up on the sofa watching movies.' Emma teases. Killian laughs gently and plays with the curl of her hair that is tickling his arm.

'It appears Liam's endless complaining paid off and I'm less of the party man I used to be.' He replies, meaning it as a joke but realizing the truth to his words all the same. They're silent for a while when the movie starts but Killian isn't really paying attention while his thoughts are elsewhere.

'Can I ask you something?' Emma says suddenly and he feels his heart jump for no explainable reason.

'Sure, lass.' He replies softly, hoping her relaxed demeanor means it's nothing too heavy.

'Are we in a relationship now?' Killian is both relieved and surprised by the question. He shifts so he can see her better before answering.

'Well I had assumed our amorous activities were evident enough, Swan.' He teases, brushing the hair away from her face to kiss her cheek.

'Yes, I consider this a relationship. I'm not entirely sure where you stand but I know that for me, this is real.' Killian continues, smiling when he feels her lace their fingers together beneath the blanket.

'I feel the same.' Emma replies almost timidly before grinning.

'You forgot to open my present earlier.' She says before kissing him quickly on the lips and getting up to retrieve the gift bag from the coat closet. Emma is apologizing for something, the bad gift bag he assumes by the way she's holding it, but he barely hears her words as she comes back over, making herself comfortable again as she waits for him to open it.

He grins and dips his hand into the scrunched up tissue paper filling the bag and pulls out a long black case, knowing before he opens it that it's a very expensive paint set. He also noticed a couple of brushes and pencils in the bag and he finds himself feeling emotional over the gifts.

'Emma you don't know how much I appreciate these, thank you.' Killian smiles, putting his arm around her shoulders to pull her in for a hug. They spent the rest of the night cuddled on the sofa, pretending to watch movies while actually being more focused on each other's lips. His brother always used to preach about how he might be happier if he tried establishing real connections with people and he has to admit that Liam was right (or he can stubbornly think that it's just Emma he has a connection with, but maybe it's a little of both).

* * *

Emma looks over at Killian regularly as they wait for their food to arrive in the restaurant. Anna and Ellie are busy with the activity packs the waitress gave them and are both off in their own world of creativity, leaving the adults some time to talk together. Killian offered to take them out for lunch before they leave for the airport but Emma knows in his mind he's counting the minutes he has left with his brother.

'So how do you keep it professional at work? Does your boss even know? I remember you mentioning she was a piece of work when you first started, Killian.' Liam jokes as he reaches for a breadstick.

Killian meets her eyes and she shrugs subtly, giving him the floor to answer this time (she had already answered the questions about how they met and their first date, which she had tried to keep as truthful as possible).

'Regina doesn't know. She's in a relationship with the creative director so she can't exactly complain about co-workers dating but we decided it was best if she didn't know. She would purposely keep us separated if she did.' Killian snorts and Emma tries not to look surprised. She wasn't blind; she could see there was something between Regina and Robin but she didn't know the rumours were true.

'Our work is usually quite different so we don't really have to worry about crossing paths in the office.' Emma adds, making Liam laugh.

'I remember when Killian first started his job and he complained about you getting the position he wanted. I guess now the two of you are in all kinds of positions together.' Liam grins, earning him a shove from his wife and a scowl as she nods to the children, who remain unfazed by the mature comment they didn't understand. Emma feels her cheeks warm as she looks down at the table, flushing even more when Killian wiggles beside her and clears his throat.

Emma has never been more relieved for their food to arrive and is glad for the change of focus once everyone starts eating. Liam is insistent on grilling Killian about various aspects of his life but at least none of it includes Emma and she can listen to the conversation without feeling the mild panic that sets in when she has to come up with something to tell them about her relationship with Killian.

It's only when the conversation steers towards their next get-together that Emma starts to feel awkward again.

'Yeah, well we'd love to have you over for Christmas. There's plenty of room for you both in the guest room and it will be nice to have the whole family together for the holidays, especially with Izzie's sister visiting too.' Liam smiles and Emma feels her forehead prickle with panic. Sure, Killian had mentioned wanting to visit Liam for Christmas but it definitely hadn't been a package deal with her coming too.

Killian's hand suddenly rests on her thigh under the table and she knows he's trying to calm her.

'I'd love to come back for Christmas. I'm not sure if Regina will give us both time off but I'm sure we can work something out.' Killian replies, looking over at her with a smile that's entirely for show. There's a pleading look in his eyes and she rests her hand over his.

'Of course, I would love to spend Christmas with everyone, thank you.' Emma replies politely. Isobel comes back from the restroom with the girls and Killian pays the bill despite Liam's protests. She slides out of the booth to leave and almost jumps when Anna slips her small hand in hers, her skin still damp from washing her hands.

They all go back to the hotel room and Killian helps carry the suitcases down to the cab until it's all packed in the boot and they're ready to go. Emma can see Killian wants to talk to his brother so says goodbye to Isobel and the girls to give them some privacy.

'It was lovely to meet you, Emma.' Isobel says and she hugs her warmly.

'You too. Killian has such a wonderful family.' Emma replies, laughing when Ellie tugs on her sweater for her own hug. Emma picks her up and the little girl wraps her arms around her neck tightly. Anna wants a hug too so she kneels down to hug them both, feeling surprisingly teary as Anna mutters 'bye-bye' rather sadly.

Liam comes over then, smiling at her before hugging her too.

'Thank you.' He says quietly and she doesn't need to ask.

She puts her arm around Killian as they watch the cab drive off, waving at the girls through the back window. Emma bites her lip and rests her head on his shoulder, feeling emotional as if she was saying goodbye to her own family and not people she's only known for a couple of days.

They stand on the sidewalk for a while after the cab disappears down the street until she shivers and Killian squeezes her shoulder.

'Come on, love.' He murmurs, taking her hand and leading her back to his apartment. As Killian opens the door and she smells the familiar scent of his home she realizes that she's practically spent her whole weekend here and that tomorrow they would return to work. They hadn't discussed how this change in their relationship will affect their work, besides the conversation with Liam earlier.

She's distracted from her worried thoughts when she notices Killian head straight to the kitchen and begins looking through the cupboards with intent.

'What are you doing?' Emma asks as she watches him pull out a bag of sugar.

'Making hot cocoa.' Killian smiles softly, finding a pot of cocoa powder next. She wordlessly helps him, getting out the milk from the fridge while he finds the salt. He measures the ingredients out seemingly based on memory and whisks them into a saucepan. There's a lull in activity while they wait for the mixture to be ready and Killian looks over at her, emotion clear in his eyes.

'I was dreading Liam coming over. I thought he would start criticizing me again, making me feel like a failure, but he didn't. Before they left he told me that he was proud of me, and I realized how stupid I had been to push him away.' Killian reveals as he gently stirs the contents of the saucepan.

'Well at least you're speaking again now, and you'll see him at Christmas.' Emma offers before realizing she gave him a perfect segue into their yet to be had conversation regarding the holidays.

'Emma, don't feel any pressure about that okay? Liam is after all under the impression we've been dating for 4 months already, and 6 by Christmas. We'll move at our own pace.' Killian says softly and she nods.

'Sure, but I guess our work issue is more immediate anyway. I think we should set guidelines.' Emma says firmly as she lifts off the magnetic notebook from the fridge, smiling when she sees that he wrote down Pop Tarts on his shopping list after she mentioned they were her guilty pleasure.

'Guidelines?' Killian asks curiously as she flips to a clear page and clicks the pen on the counter.

'Yes. I want this to work without either of us losing our job.' _Or each other_ Emma adds silently in her mind.

'So guidelines, the first one is no kissing in the office.' She has to bite back her laugh when she sees Killian literally pout in disapproval.

'Number two, no distracting each other from work.' Emma says as she writes them down on.

'Number three, you're not allowed to wear those see-through blouses because they break the second rule for me.' Killian grins and despite the way she rolls her eyes and scowls she feels her cheeks flush.

'Fine, then number three B is that you're not allowed to wear that blue shirt that compliments your eyes and makes then ridiculously hard to ignore.' Emma replies, focusing on writing it down so she doesn't look at him.

'Number four, we see each other on our lunchbreak whenever we can.' Killian says more seriously this time as he stirs the hot cocoa mixture intently.

'Number five, we don't tell anybody else in the office about us.' Emma adds just as Killian reaches for two mugs and pours the hot cocoa into them.

'Do you have any cinnamon?' She asks and he looks up with mild surprise before smiling softly.

'Aye, second shelf on the left.'

Emma sprinkles the cinnamon over her hot cocoa, taking a small, experimental sip to test the taste. She's never had homemade hot cocoa before but she's glad her first taste is of Killian's. He managed to get the ingredients just right and she feels comforted by the small warmth of the drink already.

She looks up to compliment him but Killian is kissing her before she can speak. Despite the spontaneity of the kiss it's soft and slow and she's aware of every tilt of his head and brush of his tongue against hers.

'Number six, we always make time for this.' Killian whispers, licking his lips at the cinnamon he can taste from her mouth as he pulls away. Emma nods as he reaches up to the top shelf, pulling down a small bag of marshmallows and she laughs lightly.

She notices the tips of his ears are red as he sprinkles some marshmallows on the top of his hot cocoa and she steals one from the bag and eats it, earning her a fake frown of disapproval before Killian's smile breaks through and he laughs.

They curl up on the sofa under the blanket with their hot cocoa and watch some silly romantic comedy, criticizing the characters and plotline and predictable ending and laugh at the awkward extras in the background. Killian returns their mugs to the kitchen a little while later while she flicks through the movies on Netflix, but when he comes back he has a strange look on his face.

They decide on a horror movie next, one that they can also criticize the stupid decisions of the characters and the bad fake blood. They pause it while Killian goes to the bathroom and Emma follows the hunch she has and sneaks into the kitchen. Sure enough, there's two bullet points added in Killian's handwriting, the sixth one he mentioned earlier and a new one he hadn't.

_Number seven, when you lose motivation remember that you'll get to be with Emma at the end of the day._

Emma clenches her jaw to stop the tears at prick her eyes, quickly returning to the couch and feigning tiredness as the reason her eyes are watery. Killian asks if she wants to go home but she shakes her head and curls into his side as they continue with the movie. Every brush of his fingers along her arm makes her stomach swoop and she wonders how she's ever going to restrain herself at work now that they know each other like this.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started university so I don't know how much time I'll get to write/update but I still hope to finish this story before season 5 starts. Thanks for all the response and I hope everyone enjoys this chapter :)

Killian gets to the office a whole half hour earlier than he needs to be, hoping to catch Emma before they start work. He idly spins around in his chair, checks his emails (three times) and rearranges his desk in that time until its 9am and the buzz of the office builds as the day begins. He glances over at Emma's desk, wondering if he had missed her arriving but her chair is empty and he feels a sense of dread begin to build in his stomach.

Emma is almost always on time, if not early. In fact the only day he can ever remember her being late was the one that inspired his painting. What if she was avoiding him? The weekend had been amazing, at least he had felt so, and he hoped she had felt the same.

Killian is deep in his worried thoughts until the sight of Emma rushing in the door lifts his heart. Her cheeks are flushed like the last time and her hair is windswept but she seems okay. She smiles warmly at him as she walks to her desk and he grins back, relieved to know avoidance wasn't her reason for being late. She types quickly on her phone as she sits down at her desk and his own phone vibrates in his pocket.

_Is Regina in the meeting yet?_

_Aye, it started at 8:30, you're safe._ Killian replies back, looking over at Emma to see her slump against her chair.

 _Is everything okay?_ Killian adds, still curious as to why she was late. She looks up at him from across the office and smiles, nodding subtly before turning on her computer to start her work and he knows he should do the same.

The first few hours of the day crawl by, more so than usual anyway. The after buzz of Fashion Week has died down and Killian has returned to his regular work of profiling designers and looking into the Spring/Summer collections for the following year. Sometimes he likes that element of fashion, of looking forward months ahead and all the preparations that go into each season, but he finds himself looking out of the window and remembering he's in October and not a much warmer month.

Killian actually enjoys the Fall season a lot, especially now that he lives in New York. Sure, the city can have its ugly rainy days just like England did in Autumn, but there's something about watching the leaves change on the trees in Central Park and the misty mornings on his way to work. Killian feels his hand itch and decides that he will draw out his appreciation for the weather when he gets home tonight.

'Hey.' He hears a quiet voice say from behind and he jumps, completely in a world of his own for a moment. He spins round in his chair to see Emma pulling on her jacket and moving her hair so that it tumbles around her face.

'Did you want to grab lunch together?' She asks like it's a daily recurrence before he remembers the fourth item on their list was to see each other on their lunchbreak. He had pinned the list on his refrigerator proudly, smiling when he saw it in the morning.

'Aye, of course.' Killian murmurs before noticing that most of the office had already left for their own break.

'I was thinking we could go to Granny's a few blocks away. She gives me discount and free coffee refills.' Emma smiles and he's itching to kiss her but he knows he needs to wait until they are away from work.

Killian nods and follows Emma out of the office, unable to help himself when the wind blows her scarf from her around her neck. He quickly retrieves it and makes a big deal of placing it back around her, his fingers grazing her warm skin as he does. She narrows her eyes at him but otherwise her expression is not one of disapproval, in fact there's a hint of a smile on her lips and he wants to kiss the curved corners of her mouth.

'How come you were late this morning?' Killian asks with concern as they head towards the diner she suggested. Emma laughs softly and he glances over at her see that she seems rather pleased with his concern for her.

'I was up late talking to Mary Margret, my roommate, and I slept in this morning. I'm usually pretty good at being able to get up in the morning but I guess I had a rather active weekend that tired me out.' She says casually, but she raises her eyebrow at him when they stop at the crossing.

'Swan, I can show you a far more active weekend than that.' He replies, and if her cheeks hadn't already been flushed from the cold they would have been from his comment. Emma bites her lip, looking as if she's about to say something but the light changes and they're pushed forward by the bustling New York pedestrians around them.

'I was worried you were avoiding me.' He admits when they reach a less crowded stretch of sidewalk.

'Why would you think that?' Emma scoffs.

'Would you believe me if I said I'm actually rather insecure?' Killian replies and Emma hums thoughtfully.

'I wouldn't have a week ago.' Is all she says as she turns left into the little building with the 'Granny's Diner' sign hanging above it. The place looks rather quaint and Killian isn't surprised to have never noticed it before. It's got a homely feel to it despite the busyness of the lunch hour and he follows Emma to a booth near the back, sliding into the opposite side from her. She takes off her scarf and jacket and he does the same just as a waitress comes over to serve them.

'Hey Emma. Do you want the usual? I guess you want to make it two this time though.' The waitress says in a blatantly suggestive way and he looks up at her surprise. The woman has long brown hair with streaks of red underneath, matching her red lipstick and shoes. He reads the name tag just as Emma says the name out loud in an exasperated tone and he gathers that the two women are friends.

Ruby turns to face him with a bright smile on her face.

'Hi, I'm Ruby. You must be Killian. Emma has been quite expressive about you.' She grins and he knows without looking that Emma's cheeks are turning red.

'Can you just get us coffee to start with please?' Emma groans and Ruby smirks.

'Coming right up.' She replies, but Killian doesn't miss the way she mouths 'he's hot' afterwards.

'I'm sorry, I totally forgot Ruby was working this shift.' Emma apologizes in embarrassment and Killian laughs as he lifts up a menu to look at.

'I find your friend rather amusing actually. Do explain, what exactly does she mean by 'expressive'?' He teases and he feels Emma lightly kick his shin under the table. Ruby returns with their coffee as well as a grilled cheese sandwich and onion rings for Emma. Killian steals one as he decides what to have before Emma convinces him to see how amazing Granny's grilled cheese is.

Ruby brings him his own but her teasing has lessened and he can see her genuine care for her friend's happiness. He notices a bit of cheese on Emma's lip and brushes it away, smiling when she looks away sheepishly.

'I never imagined you'd be like this.' Emma says once they've finished eating, both of them drinking their coffee slowly to procrastinate getting back to the office.

'Like what?' Killian asks curiously.

'I don't know. Sweet? I guess. I thought you'd be…' She stops and he can tell she doesn't want to say it but he knows what she's thinking anyway.

'I've just seen you act differently with other people, that's all.' Emma shrugs and he can't decide whether she seems angry about that or not. He knows what she means, he was hardly discreet with his flirting in and around the office with other women.

'It wasn't serious with them.' He tells her simply and she takes a long drink of her coffee before replying.

'Have you dated recently? Like a serious relationship, not just sex.' Emma asks, leaning forward as she talks quietly (probably to avoid her friend Ruby eavesdropping).

'No. I haven't been in a serious relationship since I was 22, before I even moved here.' Killian answers honestly and watches as Emma's mouth drops open in surprise. She recovers quickly, but he can still see the shock in her eyes before she bites her lip, perhaps realizing she's his first serious girlfriend in almost ten years.

She takes another drink of her coffee and he glances over at the clock on the wall. Their lunchbreak is over in 10 minutes but he doesn't want to go back yet.

'So, you're really serious about me, huh?' Emma laughs shakily and he laughs too, mostly from relief. He doesn't answer though, just finishes the last of his coffee and gestures to the door with his head.

'Come on love, we should go back before we're late and give Regina an excuse to fire us both.' He sighs, his heart lifting when she slides her hand in his with ease when she stands up.

'Hey guys, I was thinking we could all go out for some drinks tonight?' Ruby asks as they head to the door and he feels Emma's hand tighten around his slightly.

'Well I work evenings at Mulligan's so you could stop by for drinks and I can join after my shift? I'll throw in a free round too.' Killian smiles at Ruby, who grins back looking pleased.

'Great. But we can't call it a double date because Mary Margret will get upset and complain that she's the fifth wheel.' Ruby replies with a sigh, looking at Emma as she mentions their other friend. They say their goodbyes and walk briskly back to the office, still holding hands.

'Is your friend Mary Margret not happy being single then?' Killian says, making Emma snort.

'Definitely not. She's a hopeless romantic. She adores romantic comedies and fairy-tales, she even enjoys reading the wedding and engagement announcements in the newspaper. We've tried introducing her to a few people but she firmly believes in fate and destiny and love at first sight and everything. She wants it to be organic and romantic.' Emma replies and Killian raises her eyebrows in surprise.

'And how is it you two are friends?' He asks teasingly and Emma sways into him so her shoulder bumps his playfully. The reach the office and their eyes meet for a moment before they separate their hands, the cold air hitting his skin immediately after he loses her touch.

He watches Emma walk back to her desk, looking over at him with a secret smile and Killian wishes he had kissed her when he had the chance. They didn't get long together but it definitely feels like an improvement to his day to spend that time with her.

'Jones.' He hears as Will Scarlett sits on the edge of his desk with a grin and Killian wonders what he's in for.

'You spent some time with Emma right? Back at Fashion Week and all that? How easy do you reckon she is?' Will asks with a raise of a single eyebrow and a lick of his lips and Killian clenches his fists under his desk.

'I don't think she's into that sort of thing, Scarlett.' Killian replies dismissively but Will shoves his shoulder and Killian feels his anger build slowly.

'So you're saying I should take her to diner before I bang her?' Will continues and Killian grits his teeth. He isn't sure if Will has always been so crass or if he's only noticing now because he's talking about his girlfriend. Regardless, Killian feels the urge to tell Will the truth, to make him back off but he knows he can't.

'I just don't think you're her type is all.' He shrugs, grateful that Regina decides to walk through the office at this point, prompting Will to quickly go back to his own desk. He smirks at the way she looks over at Robin's desk as she goes and wonders if he and Emma are that obvious.

* * *

She didn't really need to print out her research, she didn't need to use the printer near Killian's desk and she really didn't need to pretend to struggle with the paper tray. Even so, she's surprised when she senses him come up behind her, gasping when he overlaps her hands with his on the tray and gently helps her guide it back in.

'Killian, what are you doing?' She whispers, her skin prickling when she feels his warm breath on her neck and his body curve around hers.

'You looked like you were having some difficulty, Swan.' He replies simply, but his voice his husky and low and she can't help the swoop of her stomach.

'Scarlett was being so obnoxious earlier, asking me how easy I think you are.' Killian continues quietly, making her inhale as his lips hover over her neck.

'Is it terrible that I feel possessive over you?' The tray is back in, her research is printing and yet they're still standing close together, Killian's hands lingering on hers before he steps back. His eyes are dark with desire and he's staring at her lips and she entertains the idea of relenting to her own desires for a second before sighing.

The printer is tucked around the corner, only visible from Killian's desk and one other empty one and Emma is tempted to make use of their momentary privacy but hears the clip of Regina's heels marching somewhere and knows she shouldn't.

'Did you tell him I wasn't interested?' Emma asks, glad to have decided to print numerous pages of probably irrelevant information if it gave her an excuse to linger a little while longer.

'Aye, but he's persistent. I almost wanted to go over and kiss you in front of everyone just to show him that you were taken.' Killian admits and she knows by his tone he's being honest. She tests their luck by touching his arm, giving him a gently squeeze of reassurance. He seems riled up about Will, nearly as much as he was about Graham.

'You really don't like the idea of me being intimate with anyone that isn't you, do you?' She teases quietly, grinning as he scrunches his nose.

'Of course not Swan. And why would you _want_ to anyway?' He grins back, resting his elbow on the photocopier as he licks his lips.

'We haven't even slept together yet, how do I even know you're any good?' Emma asks, knowing as soon as she opens her mouth that it is a stupid question, teasing or not. Killian closes the gap to her, his eyes clouding over with desire once more and she glances behind him nervously before looking back at him.

'Well maybe we need to change that and I can show you just how good I am.' Killian whispers and Emma doesn't realize she moaned out loud until his warm hand rests on her hips and he's kissing her. Her heart is racing, from his touch, his words, his husky voice and lust filled eyes. It's also racing because she's entirely aware that they could get caught at any minute and despite her worries over keeping this a secret, despite all those guidelines they came up with, she finds it kind of _thrilling._

She's vaguely aware of someone clearing their throat and she would have shoved Killian away had he not already jumped from her at the sound. It's Robin, grinning like the Cheshire cat as he moves to grab something out the printer that she hadn't even heard come out.

'Don't worry, I'll keep quiet.' He says softly, his grin still present as he nods to them, gesturing with his finger that Killian had some of her lipstick on him.

'We couldn't even go a day.' She says and Killian laughs lightly, the bubble of desire around them swiftly bursting with Robin's interruption. Killian rubs off her lipstick from his face with a look of humiliation and she smiles.

'I'll see you tonight.' She says quietly before walking away, almost forgetting her research until Killian calls after her and she comes back to retrieve it, a look of affection in Killian's eyes as he smiles at her embarrassment.

Emma scolds herself for being so reckless; _she_ was the one who suggested the whole guidelines thing and now she's the one breaking them already. At least if there were going to get caught it was Robin who saw them. He couldn't judge given his position and from what Killian had told her he seems like an honorable man, or at least someone who would keep his word.

* * *

Emma watches Killian at the bar, expertly making drinks and smiling at customers, looking over at her with a different smile every so often. She barely registers her friends speaking to her until Mary Margret puts a hand on her arm and she tears her eyes away from Killian.

'I was just asking how come Killian works here as well as with you?' She asks and Emma plays with the straw in her drink.

'Oh, well you remember what it was like for me when I first starting writing, I had to take up some hours at Granny's again because the pay wasn't so great. There's a hierarchy in the journalism world, or at least Regina implements one, so Killian doesn't earn as much as me.' She looks back over at him as she speaks, remembering what he said about being lucky his friend David owned the bar and offered him a flexible bar-tending position.

'They were so cute at lunch earlier.' Ruby says with a grin and Emma blushes. They usually talk about Ruby and Victor's relationship, or Ashley and Thomas, even Mary Margret's hopeless romantic qualities, but never usually Emma's love life. Of course that would qualify her to actually have a love life and not random dates and one night stands but now this thing with Killian is real and the topic of discussion and secretly she kind of likes it.

'He's so into you Emma, I saw the way he looked at you. And he's hot and that's always great.' Ruby laughs, making Victor frown beside her in the booth before she reassures him of her continual attraction to him.

'I also saw the way you looked at him.' Ruby adds a while later, more seriously this time and Emma feels the heavy eyes of her friends waiting for her response. She doesn't respond, only takes a drink from her straw with a smile. She's not good at talking about her feelings but they all already know how she feels about Killian judging by their grins and not so secret looks of happiness that she's finally committing to something.

They chat for a while about random things until Victor's pager goes off and he quickly dashes back to the hospital. Ruby pouts and says she loves having a doctor boyfriend but hates his crazy hours and how he can never truly relax when he's on call (hence the glass of water left on the table instead of a beer). It's almost 10 and Emma knows Mary Margret usually starts to make a move to leave at this point, but she notices her friend is rather focused on the bar and Emma follows her gaze.

It certainly wasn't Killian she was looking at so she assumes it's David her friend has her eye on. Emma smirks at the heart shapes that are practically in her eyes and tries to look casual as she leans back.

'Killian said he was lucky to get this job actually. His friend David, that's the blonde guy at the bar, he owns the place and offered him a position.' Emma starts, watching Mary Margret begin to smile.

'That was so kind of him.'

Emma makes a mental note to ask Killian if he can introduce the two of them when he comes over.

* * *

It's almost 10pm and his shift is nearly over, thank goodness. He doesn't hate working here, in fact he quite likes working with David and the customers are usually pretty good to deal with, but when Emma is sitting over in one of the booths just waiting for him he definitely wishes the shift would end right away.

'Killian just go over there already, I've got this covered.' David smiles and Killian is grateful for his friend's kindness. Emma is laughing about something when he slides in the booth beside her, his stomach flipping when she turns to smile at him and looks at him with a soft expression of happiness.

'Hello, love.' He says quietly, kissing her cheek despite her friends watching intently. Ruby is sitting opposite them, grinning ridiculously at them. He assumes the women on Emma's other side is her roommate Mary Margret, who seems to be staring over at David. Emma catches his look of confusion and smirks, which he assumes means that her friend is attracted to his friend. If he remembered correctly Mary Margret was the hopeless romantic, the one that believed in love at first sight and he decides he'll call David over once he's finished.

He learns that Emma and Ruby have been friends since high school. Ruby's grandmother gave Emma her first job at the diner when she was 16. They met Mary Margret there a few years ago and the three became good friends. Killian can see how much the three of them care for each other and he realizes with a wave of quilt that it had been insensitive of him to assume Emma had no friends back when he didn't know her.

'So now you know how important Emma is to us, you know we'll make you pay if you hurt her right? Well, I will, Mary Margret isn't exactly threatening.' Ruby laughs as Mary Margret looks insulted.

'Aye, I see that. But Emma is rather intimidating on her own anyway.' Killian grins, Emma wriggling beside him to slap his chest playfully.

'How come you guys hated each other in the beginning? I mean Emma definitely didn't hold back when she complained about you.' Mary Margret asks and Killian feels Emma stiffen beside him. They had both come to an understanding that their previous opinions of each other had been unfair and while their conclusions had made sense to them it wasn't exactly something easily explained to others.

'Killian hated me because I didn't swoon over him like everyone else.' Emma replies with a roll of her eyes and he laughs.

'And Emma hated me because I ignored her.' Killian adds, but while Ruby and Mary Margret laugh and Emma smiles, he notices a slight change in her expression and he wonders if he hit a nerve. He squeezes her shoulder and she shifts closer, changing the focus to Ruby and her plans to convince her grandmother to give the diner when she retires. Ruby is talking a mile a minute and Killian tunes out for a moment, wishing he could be alone with Emma right now. He likes her friends and he appreciates that she wanted to introduce him to them, but he also wants to kiss her (and talk privately, but kissing it definitely his priority).

The pub begins to quieten down near 11 given that it's a Monday night with no sporting event happening and David comes over to join them. He slides in beside Ruby but Killian glances over at Mary Margret who is already blushing and curling her short hair behind her ear flirtatiously.

'This is David, my colleague and more importantly my closest friend.' Killian says sincerely while David nods to them all as a hello. His eyes linger on Mary Margret and Killian shares a knowing smirk with Emma before David clears his throat.

'It's nice to finally see you with Killian, Emma. I saw him pining for you months ago that time you guys came in here. He was all jealous because you were with a guy that wasn't him.' David grins, looking sufficiently pleased with himself when Emma raised her eyebrows in surprise and looked at Killian questioningly.

'When was that?' Ruby asks curiously and despite the playful, teasing mood of the conversation Emma still looks to still be in disbelief.

'When you forced me to go for drinks with Walsh and said you and Victor would come to make it less awkward.' Emma replies and Killian feels a stab of jealousy at Emma mentioning the man's name. It was ridiculous to feel that way, she was after all sitting pressed against him and not this other guy but it makes his stomach drop to think of Emma with someone else.

He feels a little better when Emma spends the next 10 minutes bashing Walsh before she yawns and he remembers they have work in the morning. They decide to call it a night and Ruby catches a cab to her place, hugging her friends and even Killian before leaving. He realizes awkwardly that while he had planned to walk Emma home, Mary Margret was her roommate and needed to get home too.

'I could drive you home, if you don't mind waiting until midnight to close up?' David offers and Killian relaxes at the suggestion. Mary Margret agrees enthusiastically of course and Emma says goodnight to her roommate with a smile before they leave, walking hand in hand down the street together.

'I'm so glad David likes her too. I've never seen her so enamoured by someone before.' Emma says happily and he tugs on her hand to pull her into him, kissing her as soon as their mouths are close enough.

'Why did you flinch when I said that thing about ignoring you?' He asks (finally) and she sighs against his lips.

'Because it was true. Because it drove me crazy that you would flirt with everyone but me because it made me feel undesirable and deep down I wanted you to like me, I wanted you to want me and I thought there was something wrong with me because you didn't.' He hadn't expected her to answer so honestly and he sighs her name sadly. She steps away from him and keeps walking but he slides his hand back into hers as they go.

'You shouldn't measure your self-worth on the opinion of others.' Killian says softly, surprised when she snorts loudly.

'Are you really going to lecture me on this?' She asks with a laugh.

'Emma-'

'Look, I spent my whole life thinking about how my parents gave me up, how no other family wanted me and how all of my relationships end badly. It's hard to think anything different when I'm always the problem.' Emma replies sharply but her uneven delivery gives away her emotions.

Killian has gotten glimpses of the true Emma beneath the surface but this is the most vulnerable he's seen her so far.

'Swan, you're not the problem. I'll admit your negative attitude probably doesn't help though.' He jokes, trying to lighten the mood as he watches Emma chew her bottom lip. She stops abruptly on the sidewalk and he stops too, watching her as she looks at him thoughtfully.

'You said that the person I thought you were was just an act, a persona you thought would make you more successful. You thought women would like you more if you were confident and flirty and guys would respect that fact and like you too. You measured your self-worth by what other people thought of you too.' Emma tells him simply and he nods in agreement.

'Aye, you're right.' Killian admits quietly, stepping closer to Emma to cup her cheek.

'Then why do you get to be hypocritical about this?' She asks, leaning into his touch despite the fire in her eyes.

'Because no matter what's between us now, I was another person who made you feel like you weren't good enough. I stayed away from you because I felt something and I panicked, but that's my own fault, not yours.' He realizes that they're having a rather intense conversation in the middle of the sidewalk late at night and that the both of them should really to getting home and going to bed and be responsible but he waits until the fire in Emma's eyes dies down.

She kisses him, soft and quick but it's the confirmation he needs to know she okay. They make it to her apartment building a little while later, their walk mostly consisting of comfortable silence and a few casual kisses while they wait for cars to pass. He thinks she's going to kiss him again but she pulls him in for a hug and somehow the gesture means more than a kiss in the moment.

'I'll see you tomorrow.' Emma smiles, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading up to her apartment. Killian is grateful for the long walk to his own apartment; the cool night air is refreshing and the moment of solitude gives him time to think about things (namely Emma).

It isn't until the next morning however when he sees her walk in to the office wearing that damn see through blouse and a ridiculously smug grin on her face that he realizes just how much trouble he's in with this woman.


	12. Chapter 12

'Swan, I thought it was your idea to put these guidelines in place. How can I take them seriously when you're openly violating them already?' Killian frantically whispers despite them being alone in the office kitchen and she smirks.

'Oh, I totally forgot about the issue you had with this blouse. I was tired this morning and just threw on anything I could find.' Emma shrugs innocently, holding back a laugh as Killian's eyes drift to the sheer material over her bra.

'Besides, we've already kissed and been caught, the guidelines are hardly holding up very well are they?' Emma adds, gasping when Killian presses his warm hand against her back and kisses her desperately.

'So by your logic I can do that whenever I want.' Killian murmurs, brushing his lips against her jaw.

'Well technically according to number six we should always make time for this so…'

'So you remember the part about kissing but not how distracting I find that blouse?'

'Because I like kissing you and I like teasing you.'

'By that answer I'll assume it means you like _me_.'

'You know I do.'

Emma feels like she's in Killian's apartment instead of at work and while his warm arms and soft smile are comforting she forces herself to remember where she is. He must sense her thoughts as he kisses her briefly before stepping back, returning to his mug on the counter and scooping in a spoonful of sugar with his coffee.

'Regina has asked me to go to an event this Friday. It's a minor fashion award show, I'll be surprised if any celebrity above the D list attends but I have to report on it anyway. Would you like to be my date?' Killian asks and her heart leaps.

'I would love to.' Emma replies, smiling when Killian grins in response.

'If you want to keep this a secret you should at least try to be more subtle.' A familiar voice says and Emma whips round to see Robin leaning against the door with a smirk.

'Right, because the yearning looks between you and Regina are so subtle.' She retorts, making Killian chuckle next to her.

'At least we don't make out every time we find a second alone together.' Robin replies, helping himself to the cookies Killian usually hides on the top shelf.

'I highly doubt all those meetings you two have in her office about the 'vision' for the newspaper are purely professional.' Killian says and the slight flush to Robin's cheeks gives him away. He's about to say something else on the matter but Will joins them in the kitchen and the three of them stay silent.

Killian looks over at Will before raising his eyebrows at her and she swiftly leaves before Will can ask her out or God knows what else.

 _I'm entirely open to you wearing something revealing on Friday, love._ Killian messages her a little later and it isn't until she looks over at him that she realizes with a blush that he seems to have been watching her for a while.

 _I'm entirely open to the possibility of not wearing anything at the end of the night._ Emma makes her own cheeks burn this time but she forces herself to press send and avoids looking back over Killian. Despite their multiple allusions to having sex, neither of them have actually made a move much to Emma's surprise. She's torn between wanting to take things slow (or at least slower than she usually does) and wanting to literally tear of Killian's shirt in the middle of the office.

Killian doesn't reply, at least not immediately but he's trying to appear busy with work when she finally looks over and she isn't sure if it's a good thing or not. Perhaps they should tone down the intimacy at work but she hadn't thought he would ignore such a suggestive message.

Emma puts her phone in her pocket and refocuses back on her own work, as difficult as it is when she can see Killian studiously avoiding her gaze. She puts her headphones in and listens to music to tune everything out, relaxing slightly when her fingers glide over the keyboard as inspiration comes to her. She's vaguely aware of movement around her a little while later but it looks like just another temp intern and Emma quickly loses interest in the activity in the office.

It isn't until she notices the intern standing at Killian's desk that she pulls her headphones out, distracted by the fact that there is another young beautiful woman looking for his attention. Her stomach clenches at the memory of the last girl who came in that Killian flirted with and she tries to be covert as she watches them.

Killian seems to be giving her a tour of the office (Emma seriously questions why Killian is the one that has to do this every time) and she pushes her headphones back in and pretends to look enthralled by her work as they walk towards her desk.

'This is Emma, she writes the opinion pieces for the newspaper. It's a coveted role but Emma deserves it; she's the best writer here.' She hears Killian say as he walks past, looking back to flash her a grin and she smiles back. She uses his compliment as motivation to continue working, although she catches a glimpse of him leaning against the wall by the water cooler and running his tongue along his bottom lip and the desire to kiss him has never felt stronger.

* * *

'You shouldn't have sent that message Emma. You're making it so hard for me.' Killian sighs against her cheek and she shakily exhales, not caring that they're only a few steps away from the office. Killian had wasted no time in waiting once they left the office and she's relieved he's just as needy as she is.

'What exactly am I making hard?' She murmurs, holding in a laugh when Killian groans against her at the double entendre.

'Emma.' He says roughly and she bites her lip at his husky voice, glad he's wearing his longer jacket today so she can subtly slide her hands into the back pockets of his jeans and press him closer.

'Killian.' She replies, mocking his firm voice as she says his name. He laughs and she can feel his smile as he kisses her, his hands resting comfortably on her waist as he holds her.

'Did you mean it? What you said earlier.' Emma asks and Killian hums against her lips.

'Aye love, I did.' He replies and she feels her stomach flip. He moves to pull her hands out his pockets and holds them.

'Remember that night I came to ask to borrow your laptop charger?' Killian murmurs and Emma's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. She nods and he looks down at their joined hands with a smile.

'I lied. Well I told the truth about forgetting my own cable but I pretended I was going to do some work when really I just wanted to see you.' His voice is soft and warm and she sways into him, memorizing the way he smiles and the way his thumb caresses her skin.

'You don't have to make excuses to see me now.' Emma replies, her heart jumping at the way Killian looks at her. She feels a satisfying flutter in her stomach at the thought that she's never seen him look at anyone else that way (and she's seen him with a fair amount of women since they first met).

They go to Granny's for lunch again and Emma is happy with the routine that seems to developing already. They laugh and talk over coffee and grilled cheese sandwiches while Ruby grins from behind the counter, thankfully being a little less invasive then the previous day. They walk hand in hand back to the office and Emma lingers for a quick kiss before going back in but Killian gently keeps her there with a tug of her hand.

'Will you come back to mine after work? I don't have a shift at the pub tonight so we can spend some time together.' Killian says quietly and she feels the twitch of his hand in hers as he clearly feels the desire to scratch his ear with nerves. They've spent a lot of time together in the last few days but she understands what he means; most of their time has been with his family or her friends or at work. Her cheeks warm with the thought of finally having some real private time together and she nods with a smile.

They return to their respective desks for the rest of the day and Emma smiles to herself as she works. She can't quite remember a time that she was ever this happy.

* * *

Emma is looking through his sketchbook again when he returns from the kitchen and he watches her for a moment as she remains unaware of his presence. She's smiling at his drawings and it lifts his heart to know she isn't faking her reaction for his benefit to be polite, that she truly thinks he's talented and appreciates even his random little sketches.

She reaches the final page of his new drawings and bites her lip. He had drawn another picture of her, just quickly, but it was the first one where he had captured her smile. Emma delicately runs her fingers over the scribbles of his pencil and he feels his throat tighten. His art work is usually private, not because he's embarrassed or self-conscious or anything like that, but it's just a way for him to get out his thoughts sometimes and showing his sketches to Emma is almost like revealing all his thoughts to her.

Killian clears his throat and walks over to her as she puts the sketch book down.

'Glad to see you're putting the things I got you to good use.' She jokes and he puts him arms around her as she leans up to kiss him.

'You know I never show this stuff to anyone, right? Even Liam and the girls wouldn't have seen it if I had had time to put it away somewhere.' Killian tells her softly and her green eyes dart between his as she searches for something.

'I know.' She replies a moment later. They move to the sofa and Emma immediately bundles under the blanket while he makes the room more romantic with the soft light of lamps and candles. She wraps him in the blanket too, pressing herself against him despite the increasing warmth of the apartment from the heater. It's almost November and the temperature is beginning to drop as Winter comes, but all Killian can think of is Christmas.

It had seemed so far away when they were discussing it with his brother but now the holidays can't come soon enough. Perhaps he shouldn't have but he's been entertaining the idea of him and Emma getting on a plane to England together, Emma wrapped up a sweater and scarf as they head to Liam's house for Christmas. He's imagined them exchanging gifts and laughing as Anna and Ellie run around in princess dresses and playing in the snow. It's very picturesque and domestic but he wants it with her anyway.

'Who was that woman you brought to that party during Fashion Week?' Emma asks suddenly and he's pulled out of his thoughts by her surprising question.

'Alexa? She's a journalist I've met at various events for a couple of years now. She asked if I wanted to go with her to the event and I had no reason to say no.' Killian shrugs, wondering where Emma is going with her inquiry.

'When I was in the bathroom she came in with her friends and I heard her say that you were the one to ask her and that you were all over her until you saw me. She was pissed because she thought you had used her to make me jealous.' Emma sounds calm but he can tell by the way she swallows and avoids looking at him that she's anxiously waiting for his response.

'Well, that depends.'

'On what?'

'Were you jealous?' There's a pause after his question and his heart beat feels heavy as he waits.

'Yes.'

Emma is in his lap kissing him desperately and he gives it right back, nipping her lips and firmly grasping her hair in his hands. She briefly pulls away to tug the blanket away from them, their heated activities enough to warm them now. Her hands are furiously working the buttons on his shirt as she presses her hips into him and he groans.

'That night was torture. I couldn't be with you and you were with that bloody idiot and I wanted you so much.' He murmurs while Emma kisses his neck, her mouth lingering at his collarbone after she sucks firmly on the tender skin there. She laughs lightly, probably at his reference to Graham, and the sound tugs at the corners of his lips.

'I love you.'

The words come out before he can stop himself and they both freeze simultaneously. Emma's hands, warm and solid against his chest, slide off him and she pulls her lips away from his. Her eyes are wide and she looks terrified and his stomach drops.

'Emma, I –' He starts, but she quickly gets off his lap and exhales.

'I have to go.' She says, looking around as if searching for something before going to the door, not looking back as she leaves. Killian remains on the sofa, unsure what to do next. He liked Emma, more than liked her, but those three words hadn't even entered his mind until this moment. He doesn't even know if they're true, but they're definitely not untrue either.

Killian groans and rubs his forehead, leaning back on the sofa and staring at the ceiling. He sure does know how to ruin a good thing.

* * *

Mary Margret is curled up on the sofa when Emma returns home, pausing whatever romantic comedy she's watching when Emma kicks off her shoes and joins her.

'I thought you were spending time with Killian tonight?' Mary Margret asks and Emma sighs, cuddling a cushion to her chest as she slumps into the sofa.

'Yeah, I was. But then he said he loved me and I had to get out of there.' Emma shrugs and Mary Margret wriggles beside her.

'What?' She gasps and Emma bites the inside of her cheek.

'I don't even know if he meant to say it. We were kissing and maybe he just said it in the heat of the moment. He looked just as shocked as I did but I panicked and left before we could talk.' Twenty minutes ago she was sitting on Killian's sofa making out, now she was sitting on her own sofa questioning everything and her stomach is in knots as that moment replays in her mind.

'Well you've only been dating since last week, maybe it was just in the moment.' Mary Margret offers. Emma knows her friend doesn't think that but she's grateful that she didn't say what she truly thought.

She's silent for a moment as she considers what Killian said and _why_ he said it, causing a dull ache to throb in her head.

'Emma, how would you feel if he meant what he said?' Mary Margret asks curiously and Emma sighs again.

'Honestly, I have no idea.' Emma answers. She looks at her phone, another thing she doesn't know how she feels about when she sees no new messages or calls. Killian hasn't contacted her which means he either meant it and is giving her time to process or he didn't mean it but doesn't know how to tell her. She reaches for the remote and presses play, hoping some stupid movie will distract her.

Mary Margret also helps distract her, talking about her day at work and updating her on the gossip of her colleagues. It works, but only until she has to go to bed and is left alone with her own thoughts.

Emma lies on her side staring at her phone, not sure whether she wants it to vibrate or remain silent. She caves and wiggles up the bed until she's sitting up and grabs her phone, opening the messages from Killian and types a simple message.

_Goodnight Killian x_

She takes out the kiss, then puts it back, then adds a second one and takes it away again. They haven't used kisses in text before and she's never been one to read into them all that much either but she feels the need to add something to soften the tone after running out on him. Emma presses send and impatiently waits for a response (if he responds at all). She slides back down the bed but keeps hold of her phone, checking the screen regularly despite not feeling a vibration.

Twenty minutes later when she begins to doze off the phone vibrates and she opens the message from Killian.

_Goodnight Swan x_

She hadn't expected him to say much else; it was obvious that whatever happens now he's going to follow her lead, but the use of her last name makes her calm for some reason. No one else has ever used it affectionately, it's something unique to Killian and she's relieved to know that intimacy is still between them at least.

Perhaps things will be fine if she just pretends this never happened.


	13. Chapter 13

'So I was thinking of just buying a new dress for this thing on Friday. I mean it's a fashion event so I can't exactly turn up in something plain, can I? I'll take Ruby shopping with me tonight, she's always good at finding just the right outfit.' Emma rambles as she makes her coffee.

Killian sits at the table, his hands curled around his own coffee mug as he watches her. She had smiled at him on her way to her desk this morning and joined him on his coffee break like they had done the past few days. The last he had seen of Emma was the back of her as she quickly exited his apartment last night, hastily retreating from his blurted profession of love.

Emma appears unfazed, acting as if nothing even happened and he closes his eyes at the realization that that is exactly what's she's doing; acting as if it didn't happen so she doesn't have to deal with it.

'So you still want to go? After last night I-' Killian begins but Emma turns around swiftly to face him, finally looking at him in the eye.

'Last night was an accident. It came out in the heat of the moment but you didn't mean anything by it so it doesn't matter.' She shrugs and he feels the frustration build in his chest.

'So you're a mind reader now, lass?' He asks with an edge to his voice and he sees a twitch of surprise in Emma's face before clenching her jaw.

'It doesn't matter.' She says firmly and he sighs.

'Emma we should talk about this.' He speaks quietly despite the kitchen door being closed and despite wanting to talk to her about it he doesn't exactly want to be having the conversation at work.

'There's nothing to talk about.' Emma murmurs as she turns back to her coffee and he stands up, testing the waters as he stands close behind her, close enough to smell her perfume and brush his fingers along her arms.

'Okay, maybe we don't have to talk, but are you up for listening to what I have to say?' Her shirt sleeves stop halfway up her forearm and he can see the goose bumps rise on her exposed skin as she inhales. He molds his body to hers, biting back a grin when she presses herself into him despite her verbal distance.

'It's better when we use our mouths for things other than talking.' Emma sighs and he kisses along her neck to demonstrate what's she's talking about. He puts his arms around her waist and she places hers over them, her skin hot when they touch despite her still present goose bumps.

'I'm not sure what to think or feel.' She whispers and he squeezes a little tighter.

'Neither do I.' He replies softly. He hears voices from the other side of the door and reluctantly steps away from Emma, clenching his fist at the fact that he has to hold himself back.

'It doesn't matter.' She repeats once more before heading back to her desk and he knows she doesn't believe what she's saying. It does matter and that's exactly why she ran last night and why she's avoiding talking about it.

Killian doesn't know how he feels about this. On the one hand it's great that she didn't completely freak out and end their relationship already but on the other he hates that she won't even talk about it.

They go to Granny's for lunch again as their daily routine begins to set in and he finds it unnerving how normal Emma is behaving. She smiles and jokes about Will's bad attempt to ask her out and complains about the most recent ridiculous article Regina is making her write. She orders a grilled cheese and a coffee and makes plans with Ruby to go shopping. She shivers and comments on the cold weather on their way back to the office, knowing he would put his arm around her to warm her up. Emma is totally normal and it's frustrating.

'Emma, you don't have to pretend to be okay with what I said.' He sighs, finally having enough when she goes to kiss him like there isn't an air of awkwardness between them. Her face falls and he almost feels guilty before telling himself it's ridiculous to live a lie and pretend everything is fine.

'I'm not pretending because you didn't mean it so there's nothing to be okay with.' Emma shrugs and looks down at her feet and he groans.

'Why are you so sure I didn't mean it? Is it easier to tell yourself that so you can go on acting like this isn't serious, that someone might actually feel that way about you and not leave you?' Killian says firmly, dropping his tensed shoulders when Emma looks up with a terrified expression.

'How do you-'

'I've read enough of your writing to know you've been hurt before, Swan.' Killian says more softly, stepping closer to her when she looks away.

'Fine. I'm not okay with what you said.' Emma sniffs and he pulls her into his arms silently. She's reluctant at first but then her arms come around his middle and she presses her face into his chest and he kisses the top of her head.

'Was it too soon? Or the wrong moment? Or is it because you don't feel the same way? I'm just trying to understand you, Emma.' Killian sighs as Emma pulls away.

'There are various reasons and none of them are really easy to talk about, particularly on a busy sidewalk outside our office.' Emma says quietly and he nods in understanding.

'We should get back.' She adds, kissing his cheek lightly before walking towards the entrance and his heart clenches as he follows her. The images of the two of them spending Christmas together begin fading as he can feel the wall between them building back up again and even if he doesn't know how she feels or even how he feels, he knows he that doesn't want to lose her.

* * *

His suit is perfectly fitted to his body and it makes her bite her lip. She's seen him in a suit before but this time is different. This time she can tuck her hand inside his jacket, she can look appreciatively at how the pants hug his legs and how the dark blue colour of the material compliments his eyes.

Ruby had picked out a dark blue, almost black dress for her and it seems to perfectly match his suit despite not knowing what he was wearing until he picked her up from her apartment. They've only just arrived but Killian's hands barely leave her hips and waist as they enter the venue and her stomach feels uneasy.

Things have been strange between them the past few days; Killian has been determined to bring up what happened any chance he can and Emma has been just as determined to ignore it. They haven't been completely alone since then either and she dreads every moment that gives Killian the opportunity to mention it. He hasn't so far but the evening has only just begun and she knows the subject is practically unavoidable when they're attending their first event as a real couple and their clothes match and Killian's hand possessively rests on her waist.

'You look good tonight, Killian.' Emma says with a smile, feeling strangely nervous as she compliments her boyfriend. At first she can see the genuine look of surprise and happiness on Killian's face before he cocks an eyebrow and smirks flirtatiously.

'Admit it, love. You always found me attractive.' Killian challenges, pressing her against his side as they wait to be seated by the usher. A flash goes off and Emma looks over to see a photographer clicking away with his camera, already moving on to the next group of people after them. She curls her hair behind her ear self-consciously before looking back at Killian.

'It was never your attractiveness I questioned.' Emma replies and she see his eyes drop to the plunging neckline of her dress briefly.

'I never questioned yours either.' He murmurs and she feels heat rush through her body. Killian leans into her and kisses her cheek, humming with satisfaction and she angles her face to kiss his lips. Their kiss is brief when the crowd around them begins moving and they're finally directed to their seats. Emma shifts closer to Killian and he rests his arm on the back of her chair with a smile, his fingers playing with the ends of her hair casually.

'Do you think Graham will be here?' Emma asks, laughing when Killian scoffs.

'I bloody hope so. Then he can see that we're together and he can't touch you.' She gets a thrill at Killian's blatant possessiveness and perhaps the hint of jealousy she hears as he probably thinks back to that night she attended the event with Graham.

'I went with him that night because I knew it would bother you.' Emma admits, biting her lip when Killian tilts his head in surprise.

'You asked me on a date and I wanted to see if you really meant it.' She shrugs and Killian chuckles with a shake of his head.

'Swan, of course I meant it.' He says simply, moving his hand to brush her cheek affectionately. He has that look in his eye, the one where he looks at her like he's thinking those words and she inhales. A few others join their table and they both shift, silently agreeing to tone down their affection now others are around. Emma remains close to his side though, resting her hand on his thigh as the room fills around them.

'I've never had a girlfriend to bring to these events. It's much better sitting here with you then at the bar with all the women trying to figure out if I'm gay or not.' Killian jokes and she laughs, remembering a time when she joked about that very thing with her friends.

'Anyone would know by the way you keep looking down at my breasts that you're not gay.' Emma teases and he kisses her temple softly, the slight scratch of his facial hair surprisingly pleasant. She shifts her hand just slightly up his thigh and she feels him tense beside her.

'Emma.' Killian whispers warningly and she moves her hand back up towards his knee.

'It's so easy to tease you.' She grins and he releases a breath, trying to frown disapprovingly but there is mischievous twinkle in his eye that tells her he's actually enjoying it.

The award show finally begins and an array of presenters in seemingly fashionable dresses and suits take to the stage. Emma hasn't seen one celebrity she recognizes since getting here but honestly she wouldn't know Dolce and Gabbana if they were sitting right beside her. She looks up at Killian between award transitions and he looks just as bored as she feels and she's relieved to know it's not her lack of knowledge regarding the fashion industry making this event tiresome.

Emma rests her head on his shoulder and he puts his arm around her tightly. She closes her eyes for a moment, letting the warmth and comfort of Killian's embrace distract her from the less than entertaining events on stage.

'Sweetheart?' She hears him murmur and her heart jumps at the endearment. Emma opens her eyes and the room is full of noise and movement and she sits up in shock.

'Did I fall asleep?' Emma asks, her cheeks flushing when she realizes the answer. Killian tilts his head and smiles softly at her, brushing down her hair gently.

'Aye, love. Don't worry, you didn't miss much. I just have to talk to a couple of people and then we can go home, I promise.' Killian says and she wipes her eyes, hoping she hasn't ruined her make-up. She feels guilty for falling asleep (and a little embarrassed) but Killian seems to find it amusing and he pulls her into his side while they wait for the crowd around their table to die down.

'I'm sorry, I'm a terrible date. I can't believe I fell asleep.' Emma groans, smiling when she hears Killian's low laugh close to her ear.

'I thought it was adorable, Swan. And you don't snore or drool which is always nice to know.' She looks up at him and she notices how tired he looks, how his facial hair is scruffier than he usually lets it get and how dark the circles beneath his eyes are.

'I'm sorry.' She repeats and he shakes his head.

'Emma, it's fine, I-'

'No, not about this. For what I did the other night, for running out on you. I was selfish, I was only thinking about how difficult it was for me to hear those words and never thought about how difficult it was for you to say them.' Emma says quietly and she feels the tension in Killian's body disappear as he drops his shoulders and sighs.

'I haven't said it to anyone in almost 10 years.' He admits and Emma feels the familiar swoop of her stomach that usually makes her want to run.

'Did you really mean it?' Emma blurts out. The main hall is almost empty now as everyone makes their way to the reception room for drinks and interviews and corporate conversations but they stay where they are, needing the privacy of the quiet room for this particular conversation. She hadn't intended to bring it up tonight nor had she really intended to discuss it at any other point but Killian's sweet nature makes it hard for her to ignore such a thing for too long.

Killian swallows thickly and looks down at his shoes, putting his hands into the pockets of his pants and rocking on his heels.

'It's not something I tend to say if I don't.' Killian says quietly and Emma is grateful that she's leaning against the back of her chair. Killian loves her. He _loves_ her. She tugs his hands out of his pockets and laces their fingers together, squeezing his hands until he looks up at her. He nods and she knows he understands that she can't say it back, at least for now.

Emma leans forward to kiss him. It's a kiss of reassurance, to let him know that even if she can't say it, it doesn't mean she doesn't feel it. She feels tears build in her eyes and she squeezes them shut, feeling a tear run down her cheek despite willing them to stop.

They hear a clatter behind them and Emma pulls away abruptly to look over Killian's shoulder, seeing a janitor start stacking the chairs already. Killian's thumb brushes her tear away and she smiles.

'We should join everyone else.' Emma says, nodding towards the reception room but Killian stops her with a tug on her arm.

'I can make something up for the article. It's not like anyone will read it anyway. I just want to go home now.' Killian tells her and she's ready to disagree with him but she sees his tiredness once again and simply nods, holding on to his arm as he leads the way out. She doesn't spot Graham as they leave but she does recognize Alexa, who stares at her as they walk past. Emma feels rather satisfied to feel her glare as she leaves with Killian, mostly because it reminds her that Killian wanted to make her jealous by being with Alexa, that he hated seeing her with Graham and that he stayed up waiting for her to return to the hotel that night so he knew she was okay. Killian Jones loves her, and that fact makes her heart swell despite all her apprehensions.

* * *

'It's just a zip, Killian. It only takes a few seconds.' Emma teases as his hand lingers on the zipper, the fasten of her dress lowered to expose the soft, fair skin of her back. She turns around and drops the dress to the floor, stepping out of it as she pushes her arms and head through the holes of his sweater. The material stops halfway up her thigh, barely covering anything (and not covering anything at all when she bends down to pick up her dress) before she pulls on a pair of his sweatpants. After a moment of wriggling she somehow pulls her bra out of the sweater sleeve and puts it with her dress on the top of his chest of drawers. She's already gone to the bathroom to remove her make-up when Killian realizes the implication of all this.

They had gotten a cab back to his apartment and when they both yawned and rubbed their eyes Emma suggested turning in for the night. He had given her his clothes to change into and she had asked him to help her remove her dress. It isn't until he's staring at the black lace of her bra that he realizes they're going to share a bed tonight.

He strips down to his boxers and puts his clothes beside Emma's dress, clenching his jaw at the thought of Emma's black lace panties to match her bra. She shuffles out of the bathroom with a sleepy look on her face, yawning again and covering her mouth with the long sleeve of his sweater that looks so good on her.

She stops just before she gets the bed and her eyes widen, as if only just realizing it herself too. Emma looks over at him sheepishly and he climbs into bed with a smile, folding the quilt over so she can climb in too.

Killian turns off the lights and puts his arm around her and she clings to his chest, sighing into his neck as she gets comfortable. She smells like her floral perfume and his fruity soap and he hugs her closer. He's so tired his eyes are already closing but he makes sure to imprint this moment in his mind.

'Say it again.' Emma whispers and his heart beats erratically for someone so exhausted. She shifts so that their lips meet in the dark and his skin tingles where their bodies meet.

'I love you.' He whispers back, moaning when she kisses him once more before settling back into his side.

'Okay.' She says a moment later. It may not be the desired response one would like to hear after expressing their love, but he knows Emma and he knows she can't say it back yet. But at least this time she doesn't run, at least this time she cuddles up to him and falls asleep on his chest. At least this time she stays.


	14. Chapter 14

Emma wakes up to a strange sensation on her chest and after a few disoriented blinks she realizes its Killian's hand on her breast. She grins, taking in his sleep tousled hair and his relaxed face as he sleeps. His hand is warm on her skin but she feels a slight chill when the cold morning air hits the exposed skin of her stomach where the sweater has risen up. Killian's legs are stretched across her lower body, tangled with her own in such a way she's surprised it's comfortable.

Judging by his breathing, he's still in deep sleep and she closes her eyes again, enjoying the feeling of waking up beside him. She remembers the way he whispered his words of love to her before she fell asleep and her heart beat increases. Emma has had a couple of relationships over the years where they've told her such things but it ended before she ever said it back. There has only been one person she has said it to and he left her and she doesn't want that to happen now. Not that she thinks Killian would leave, but she hadn't thought Neal would leave either.

Killian stretches beside her and she opens her eyes when she feels his lips on her neck.

'Good morning, Jones.' Emma smiles and he hums in response, moving his lips across her exposed skin as his hand squeezes her breast.

'It is a very good morning, Swan.' He mumbles and she laughs softly, twisting until she's facing him and can kiss him on the lips.

'I can't remember the last time I woke up in such a good mood.' Killian grins and she rests her forehead on his contentedly. She can feel the lingering presence of his morning arousal between their bodies but she decides not to tease him, instead opting to quietly lie in his arms for a little while longer.

'It's Thanksgiving next week.' Emma says casually as she wriggles down the bed to rest her head on his chest. She can feel his heart beating beneath her ear and the rhythm is soothing and almost hypnotic as she waits for his response.

'Aye?' Killian says questioningly and she remembers that he wouldn't have grown up celebrating Thanksgiving when he lived in England and perhaps not even after moving to America.

'I was wondering if you'd like to come over to my place. Mary Margret usually prepares the dinner and everyone comes over, it's really nice. Ruby suggested we make it a couple's thing this year considering all of us are in relationships now.' Emma explains, smiling when Killian moves his hand into her hair and brushes through it gently.

'I'd love to, it sounds wonderful.' Killian replies and she can hear the happiness in his voice.

'Regina said we don't have to be back into work until Monday so maybe we could spend the long weekend together?' She continues, brushing her fingers over Killian's stomach in random patterns.

'Of course, Swan.' Killian murmurs and she closes her eyes again. She knows it's coming before he says it, knows by the way his hand stills in her hair and the way his body tenses beneath her.

'I love you.' He speaks quietly, as if worried she will freak out and she moves her arm to circle is waist in a hug.

'Okay.' She whispers and a moment later he continues brushing her hair and relaxes. She can't give him much right now, but at least she can give him the reassurance that she won't run.

* * *

The day before Thanksgiving Emma comes back to his apartment after work to help bring everything to her place. He had packed a small bag of his things to last him the weekend as well as some alcohol for the dinner. Killian is just putting his toothbrush in the bag when he realizes Emma seems distracted by something. She's looking at the recently added photo frame to his night stand and he smiles.

He had found the photographer from the award show and bought the photograph he took of the two of them. It wasn't until he saw it full sized in the frame that his stomach flipped at the image. He and Emma were standing hip to hip and looking at one another, wide smiles on both of their faces. Killian is well aware of how he looks at Emma but what he likes the most is the way she is looking at him. She looks so happy, practically glowing as she looks up at him in the photograph and he can't help but imagine that it's a look of love. It certainly matches his own expression of love anyway.

'We look pretty good together.' Emma grins and he laughs, standing behind her and looking down at the photo. Emma leans back into him, pulling his arms around her middle and resting her head back on his shoulder.

'I love this picture. You look so happy.' Killian tells her and she turns her head slightly towards him.

'I _am_ happy. You make me smile more than I have my entire life.' Emma says affectionately and he kisses her cheek.

'Aye, the same of you for me, lass.' He replies, smiling when she says 'good' firmly. They leave before they get too distracted by each other, Emma teasing that they'll have plenty of time together this weekend.

When they get to Emma's place Mary Margret is already preparing the turkey for tomorrow, the apartment smelling like herbs and spices and cooking. Emma and Killian volunteer their help but Mary Margret insists on doing it herself, so instead they settle on the couch and watch some cheesy family movie on TV.

'The first Thanksgiving I can remember was when I was 6. I was in a new foster home and I barely knew the family. The kids hated me and I was always blamed for anything that went wrong in the house. But on Thanksgiving things were different. They let me help set the table and praised me for knowing where to put each piece of cutlery. The other kids let me sit and watch cartoons with them without kicking me or spitting in my hair. I got a decent plateful of food instead of scraps and I even got first choice of dessert. It didn't feel like a home there and they didn't feel like my family, but I was thankful for at least getting to enjoy the holiday.' Emma shares with him and he kisses the top of her head softly.

'You deserved so much more.' Killian replies, feeling anger towards all those that have hurt Emma in her past. She turns away from the TV and into his chest, her hand holding on to his shirt tightly.

'None of that matters. I want to make new memories now.' Emma murmurs and he whispers 'aye' into her hair. Emma seems to doze off in his arms and he holds her close as she sleeps, smiling at Mary Margret when she looks over at them with an almost tearful expression.

She comes over and sits on the arm chair beside the sofa, smiling at her friend in his arms.

'She's so guarded, it's nice to see her trust someone like she does with you.' Mary Margret says quietly and he moves his arm to gently brush away Emma's hair from her face.

'She trusts me, but she's still guarded.' Killian replies, looking for signs that Emma can hear them. She doesn't flicker and her breathing remains even so he assumes she is still asleep.

'Emma told me what you said to her. I know she hasn't said it back yet but give her time. It's difficult to get past her walls but it's worth it when she lets you in.' Mary Margret tells him and he smiles at her before looking back down at Emma.

'I know. I'll wait for her, however long it takes.' Killian says, earning him an approving nod from Emma's friend. There's a knock at the door and Mary Margret gets up to answer it. Emma stirs at the noise and makes a muffled groan and rubs her eyes.

'I've got to stop falling asleep on you.' Emma laughs roughly and he bends down to kiss her forehead.

'I don't mind at all, Swan.' Emma shifts up to kiss him back, a soft touch of her lips against his before she gets up and stretches.

'Hey guys.' Killian hears and grins when he sees David carrying a box of beers.

'I guess the perks of inviting bartenders is free alcohol.' Emma jokes, going into the kitchen to investigate the array of drinks David had brought with him. Killian gets up to join her, giving David a pat on the back as he goes. David and Mary Margret are busy flirting with each other and Killian seizes the opportunity to be alone with Emma once more.

'I know it's only Thanksgiving but have you thought about Christmas at all?' Killian asks nervously as Emma places the wine bottles in the rack. He was looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with Emma but truthfully the holiday isn't really that significant for him given the fact that he didn't grow up in America and has never really celebrated it. Christmas however has always been his favorite holiday.

'Not in any great detail. I wasn't sure if your brother's offer still stands.' Emma shrugs, pulling up her hair and tying it into a loose bun at the top of her head.

'Aye, it does. I just thought perhaps, if we were to be going, we should book flights before they become really expensive. Liam suggested that if we are coming we should go a few days before to beat the Christmas Eve rush at the airports. And flights are cheaper if we come back before New Year but it depends what you would like to do, whether you'd like to come back here and spend New Year with Mary Margret and everyone.' Killian is aware that he is rambling but he has no idea what Emma thinks of this matter and the nerves make his stomach churn.

'You always scratch your ear when you're nervous.' Emma smiles softly and he flushes, gripping on to the edge of the counter tightly. Emma slides up onto the counter and tugs him towards her so that he is standing between her legs, her thighs gently rubbing against his hips as she brushes her hands down his arms.

'I'm going wherever you are, Killian. If you're spending Christmas and New Years with your brother in England then I'm right there with you.' Emma tells him and he feels the knot of nerves in his stomach loosen as he takes in the look of affection in her eyes.

'So we're going to England for Christmas?' Killian asks, smiling when Emma nods happily.

'But I do have to warn you that I've never been on a plane before.' She says, her hands now resting on his chest as a look of nervousness flickers across her face.

'Don't worry love, it's actually kind of fun, or at least I think so. And if you do get scared I'm sure I'll find a way to distract you.' Killian teases, raising an eyebrow suggestively that makes her giggle.

'Thank you.' Emma says more seriously and he tilts his head curiously.

'For what?'

'For waiting for me.' Emma replies and he raises his eyebrows again, this time out of surprise.

'You were awake?' Killian asks, trying to figure out how she had feigned sleep so well. She nods and leans forward to kiss him chastely, the light touch of their lips not enough for him but he holds back his desire to kiss her further when she inhales.

'Can I ask one more thing of you, Killian?' She whispers and he whispers back a quick 'yes' because honestly this woman could ask anything of him and he would oblige.

'Please don't break my heart.' His own heart hurts at the way her voice cracks and the way her eyes beg him to not let her down like everyone else has and he gives in to his desire to kiss her (properly this time). Emma immediately welcomes the voracity of his kiss and tightens her legs around him, pressing herself against him as much as possible. He feels her reciprocate his love, even if she hasn't said the words out loud and he's so lost in her he barely registers the smash of a wine bottle beside them.

Emma jumps down to clear it up (and probably to get out of the compromising position they were in before their friends come to investigate) and he kneels down to help her, picking up the large parts of glass while she mops up the liquid.

Sure enough Mary Margret and David come in to the kitchen to see what happened and Emma breezily makes up a story about her hands being wet from the sink and the bottle slipping when she went to put it with the others. They clear up the mess and Mary Margret resumes her preparation of the turkey with David's help. Emma laughs about being a klutz in the kitchen and leaves, taking his hand and guiding him to her room.

Mary Margret had already put his things in Emma's room but he's more focused on looking at her things than his own. She's got many photographs placed around the room, all of them featuring at least one of her current friends. There's one of her and Ruby working at the diner, wearing far more modest clothing than what Ruby wears now as a waitress. Emma looks young, about 16, and he grins at how similar she still looks to her teenage self. She's a woman now but the big green eyes and blonde hair and dimpled smile haven't changed at all.

Everything else seems to be from the last few years and he notes that there doesn't appear to be anything from her childhood, not that she would necessarily put them up if she did own memories from back then but it's a stark reminder that she felt alone for most of her childhood. There is one photograph of Emma as a teenager with a guy he doesn't recognize and he wonders who it is. The guy is hugging Emma from behind and looks a couple of years older than her but he can't tell if the pose is platonic or romantic. He wonders if perhaps this was the person who broke Emma's heart first, but it seems a little masochistic to put up a picture of them together if it was.

'That's August.' Emma tells him, moving to stand beside him as he surveys all her framed and pinned up pictures. 'He was the closest thing I had to a brother back in foster care. We met in the group home and then saw each other on and off for years afterwards when one or both of us was fostered and then returned. He's a writer too now, but he writes fictional stories and publishes them online. I still talk to him every so often. Last time I did he told me he had a good feeling about his next story and that it was going to be picked up by a real publisher one day.' Emma laughs, leaning against him as she looks over her own photographs.

'He was always so optimistic. When we were little he would make up stories about the parents that didn't pick us by saying they were ogres and would eat me in the middle of the night if they adopted me anyway. And then he told me I was a princess that had magical powers to defeat the ogres and they didn't foster me because they were scared of me. I believed him when I was 6 of course but even when I was old enough to know better I was still grateful that he tried to comfort me.'

Killian grabs Emma's hand when it brushes against his and although she doesn't sound sad she has that distant voice when she speaks of her past. He hears a faint giggle from down the hall and Emma snorts at the flirtatious noises of her roommate.

'I'm so glad you're here because otherwise I'd have to deal with this all by myself.' Emma jokes, tugging him towards her bed and patting the space beside her when she climbs on top of the comforter.

She gets her laptop and opens Netflix, saying that Ruby and Ashley are bringing Chinese food for everyone later but it's safer to wait in her room than the rest of the apartment with Mary Margret and David constantly flirting and giggling and kissing.

'Do you ever find our relationship strange? David and Mary Margret only just met but they're clearly very taken with each other. You and I didn't even like each other when we first met.' Emma says as she settles her laptop at the foot of the bed, the opening credits of some movie playing as she settles back beside him.

'Sometimes thing in life take us by surprise. Mary Margret was clearly looking for love and David couldn't wait to start a new relationship after ending things with his old girlfriend Catherine. You and I were different. I wasn't looking for anything serious and you didn't seem to be looking for anything at all. It isn't until we really got to know each other that we realized what we wanted, or at least that was the case for me. I know exactly how I feel about you _now_ , how I felt a year ago doesn't matter.' Killian tells her softly and she looks up at him, her eyes roaming over his lips before she meets his eyes.

'Killian, I-' She begins, an intensity burning in her eyes until she licks her lips and smiles.

'I wasn't looking for anything, but I'm glad I found you anyway.' Emma finishes, kissing him sweetly on the cheek before lying back down and shifting her focus to the movie. He looks at the screen too but his mind is elsewhere. Killian is almost certain Emma was about to say how she feels, _truly_ , but something stopped her. He's never thought of himself as a patient man, but he will be for her.

* * *

Thanksgiving has arrived and the day couldn't have started any better for Emma. She woke up in Killian's arms once more, laughing at the way he groaned at the early hour. She got dressed in her favorite sweater and inhaled the smells coming from the kitchen when she opened her bedroom door, Killian sleepily following behind as she greets Mary Margret, already wearing her apron.

Killian quickly joined David on the couch to watch the football game lead up while Emma joined Mary Margret in the kitchen, taking the easy job of making the cranberry sauce while her roommate tackles everything else. Ruby and Victor join them a few hours later, adding one more guy on the sofa and another girl in the kitchen. Despite Ruby's job as a waitress she can't actually cook to save her life so she ends up leaning on the counter chattering on as her friends work.

Ashley and Thomas are the last to arrive but seeing as they have a bet placed on the game between themselves they both settle down to watch it with the guys. The turkey is in the oven, the cranberry sauce is made, the potatoes are mashed and the pie for dessert is cooking when Emma finally rejoins Killian, deciding to sit on his lap given the limited space in the lounge area with all the guests.

'Hi, honey.' Killian murmurs after kissing her and the pleasant dance her stomach does flares up again at his endearment. There are shouts from around them as the game comes to a dramatic close, Ashley looking smug as Thomas hands over money, clearing losing the bet they had going. The group settles around the TV again when a movie starts playing but they soon end up talking over it, conversations filled with debates about football teams and which actor was the best Batman (they at least all agreed George Clooney was the worst).

Emma looks around the room and smiles. She's known some of them for over 10 years and some of them only a few weeks but they are all her family. It may not have been the family she had wanted as a child but she wouldn't change this for anything. Killian's arms suddenly tighten around her and she pulls her eyes back to him, smiling when he runs his hands over the worn material of her sweater, the warmth of his skin reaching her through the fabric.

'What are you thinking, love?' He asks quietly. She knows by the look in his eye that he wants to kiss her, and by the slight tension in his jaw that he is holding back while they are around everyone and it makes a light blush form on her cheeks.

'Just that I finally feel like I have a family.' Mary Margret calls everyone over to help set the table but Killian holds on to Emma to stop her from getting up just yet. He kisses her, not as vehemently as she knows he wants to but it's enough to tide them both over until they have more privacy.

They join everyone else a moment later, Emma self-consciously licking her lips when Ruby gives her a knowing smirk. The food begins building on the table and they pour glasses of wine and say 'happy thanksgiving' to each other while they wait for Mary Margret for bring out the turkey. With 8 of them sitting around the table they end up with limited space between each other but Emma doesn't mind when Killian bumps his shoulder against hers and their legs brush under the table.

The turkey finally appears and everyone cheers; Mary Margret looking flushed from the heat of the kitchen but pleased everyone seems to appreciate her hard work. She cuts up the turkey and shares it out, telling everyone to dig in (they all oblige willingly). Emma fills her plate with food and begins eating, watching Killian as he puts a modest amount of everything on his plate. She teases him and says that everyone eats tons on Thanksgiving and so should he. He laughs and scratches his ear before helping himself to more dumplings and she grins.

They go around the table sharing their favourite Thanksgiving memories and Emma's heart tightens when it gets to Killian and he clears his throat and looks around sheepishly. It amazes her that she's seen him exude so much confidence in the office and at parties but in front of their little group he seems nervous. She finds his hand under the table and smiles when he visibly relaxes.

'This is my first Thanksgiving that I'm actually celebrating, so I guess I would have to say this one.' Killian jokes, her heart thumping when he looks at her with his soft blue eyes and a genuine expression of happiness.

'Yeah, I think this year is my favorite too.' Emma adds and when none of her friends question her on it she realizes the way she staring at Killian is rather transparent.

The dinner continues blissfully and once everyone is stuffed so much they can barely move they go back over to the couches, everyone with a little less energy now but still riding the high of the good food and wine.

David asks Victor about the most gruesome surgery he has performed and they all laugh and groan when he explains in detail about projectile blood spurts and exploding organs. Mary Margret goes to clean up the array of dirty dishes in the kitchen but David stops her, pulling her into his arms and telling her she needs to relax for the rest of the night. Emma smiles at the way her friend blushes and snuggles into David's side, glad to see her so happy, perhaps even with the Prince Charming she always dreamed of.

They open one more bottle of wine as they wind down for the night, everyone feeling lethargic now as the night progresses. Ashley and Thomas set up camp on one of the sofas for the night, curling up under a blanket while they yawn. Emma takes that as a cue to go to bed herself, knowing that Killian is right behind her. They all say goodnight before Ruby gasps and realizes they haven't said what they were thankful for. Everyone groans some variation of being thankful for sleep and Ruby snorts at their responses.

It's been a wonderful, relaxed day with all the people she cares about but Emma smiles at the sight of her bed, discarding her sweater and leggings on the floor and climbing into bed, glad to have Killian sharing with her to warm the bed up quicker.

'What are you really thankful for, Swan?' Killian murmurs as they shift and wriggle until they both get comfortable.

'That my boyfriend's body temperature is always higher than mine so he can warm me up.' Emma replies, making Killian's chest rise with laughter.

'What about you?' Emma adds, finally closing her eyes when Killian kisses her forehead.

'I'm sure you know my answer already, lass.' Killian tells her quietly. His hands roam her bare skin and she breathes in deeply, twitching slightly when his fingers graze over her hip bone and across the ticklish part of her stomach. His fingers just brush across her panties and suddenly the heat coursing through her makes her feel wide awake.

Killian moves his hand back up her body, resting on her ribs just below the curve of her breast. He obviously intended it to be a more casual touch but Emma still feels like she's on fire and she groans in frustration. Killian chuckles and she knows he isn't going to acquiesce to her desires, no matter whether he feels the same or not. She wonders why, but when his teasing touch becomes affectionate she knows.

'I want to hear you say it again.' Emma whispers.

'I love you.' Killian tells her once more and she pulls the comforter tighter around herself despite the heat their bodies have already generated beneath the sheets.

 _I love you, too._ The words are trapped in her mind for now, not quite ready to reach her lips and the thought of saying them out loud makes her nauseous with nerves. She means them, and she wants to say them to him so terribly but that feeling of doubt is holding her back. Killian said that he will wait for her but it might not be long enough.

* * *

As the weeks draw closer to Christmas their schedules become rather hectic. Regina has plans for a 'revamp' of the newspaper in January and so the last few weeks of the year are tense in the office, particularly as no one beyond Regina (and probably Robin) are aware of these new changes. Killian feels like if there are any cuts going into the New Year that he will be first so he begins taking up a few more hours and shifts up at the pub with David just in case he's out of a job by the end of the month.

He's also trying to save up some money for going to London, although fortunately he and Emma have booked their plane tickets. They leave tomorrow and the anticipation and excitement is building in his chest already. Not only is he excited to see Liam, Isobel and the girls, he's excited to be going away with Emma.

At first when he began telling her he loves her and she didn't say it back it hurt, but he's grown to accept her apprehensions and even enjoy the way she asks him to say those words to her every night. She's not quite ready to say it back but he knows she appreciates hearing it from him, more so now that she's shared her past with him. She told him about Neal, her first love and heartbreak. She told him that she was honest and open and vulnerable with him and he abandoned her and she's never been the same since. He told her about Milah too, how she was his own first real love and heartbreak.

It's the early hours of the morning when he gets up and checks over his suitcase, making sure he has everything he needs, double checking his passport in his bag. The cab is picking up Emma first before coming to his place and then to the airport. Killian feels the travelling nerves set in as he goes over everything in his mind and quickly messages Liam to say he will call when they land.

The buzzer goes off and he knows it's the cab driver so he pulls out his suitcase, locks his apartment and takes the elevator down.

'Killian Jones?' The cab driver asks and he nods as he goes to put his suitcase in the boot of the car, realizing when he does that Emma's suitcase isn't in there. He looks through the window and doesn't see her sitting in the car either.

'Did you come here first instead then?' Killian asks after he closes the boot and climbs in the front passenger seat.

'No, I went to your girlfriend's like you said when you booked but she said she wasn't coming and to just come here.' The cab driver shrugs passively and Killian frowns. He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and hopes its Emma with an explanation. Sure enough it's her name on screen, but there isn't much of an explanation.

 _I'm sorry._ Is all the message says and his heart sinks.


	15. Chapter 15

'Killian you look exhausted.' Is the way his brother greets him at the airport after giving him a hug and Killian rubs his forehead, not even fighting Liam when he takes his suitcase and pulls it for him.

'Well when you've been stuck on a plane for 8 hours surrounded by screaming children and rude passengers you tend to end up looking worse for wear by the end of it.' Killian replies, aware that he's grumbling like an old man.

'And of course everything with Emma.' Liam says quietly and Killian grits his teeth. He had messaged Liam to tell him Emma wasn't coming before getting on the plane. He hadn't shared details but his brother can obviously sense that the reason Emma wasn't there had nothing to do with simple work commitments.

'Aye.' Killian sighs, not saying anything else until they're in Liam's car, driving on the motorway in the dark back to the house. He had called her, he had sent her messages, he had tried to call Mary Margret and Ruby but neither picked up and he had no idea what to do.

'Everything has been perfect and Emma was so excited to come. Then she sends me this message saying 'I'm sorry' and that's it, no explanation.' Killian rants, his sadness and disappointment fading as his anger now builds.

'If she didn't really want to come why didn't she just tell me instead of buying a ticket, instead of making plans with me for Christmas and leaving it until the day of the bloody flight to say she's not coming.' Killian continues venting while Liam remains silent in the driver's seat, giving his brother some much needed time to get everything off his chest first.

'I get that this was a big deal for her, it was for me too. But instead of going through with it and maybe having a wonderful time here she chickens out. I know the woman has a bloody commitment issue by why commit to this then do this to me now?' He leans his head back against the rest and exhales.

'Killian, what the bloody hell are you doing here?' Liam asks and Killian lifts his head up in surprise, looking at the outline of his brother he can see from the dim lights of the other car's headlights.

'You invited me?' Killian replies, although he knows it's an obtuse answer.

'No, why did you even get on the plane? Why didn't you go to Emma and ask her these questions in person? Why didn't you go after the woman you clearly love?' Liam asks.

'Because I know her. She's the most stubborn person I've ever met and me being there in person wouldn't have changed her mind. She needs space. When things get too much for her she runs, just like she did the night I told her I love her.' Killian explains and Liam turns to look at him for a second before looking back at the road ahead.

'So you've told her how you feel?' Liam asks.

'Aye, she hasn't said it back though. She said she needs time so I'm giving it to her. I haven't put any pressure on her at all and I thought she appreciated that. Perhaps this was too much for her.' Killian sighs, closing his eyes as he leans back against the headrest again. Liam doesn't reply and Killian begins to doze off, exhaustion catching up with him after a long and emotional day.

He's woken up a while later by the sound of Liam's car door closing and he rubs his eyes before realizing they've reached the house. It's late, almost midnight now and he's sure the kids are already in bed, something he's grateful for tonight. He loves the girls of course but he doesn't have the energy to keep up with them right now.

Liam takes his suitcase into the house and Killian follows with his backpack, noticing as he walks up the driveway to the front door that everything seems so quiet here compared to the loud noises of the city he's now used to.

Isobel is in the kitchen with a bowl of homemade soup and warm bread ready and Killian hugs her gratefully. He assumes Liam had texted his wife with a heads up that Emma hadn't come with him and he can see the sad look she gives him when she asks how his flight was. He eats his food quickly and gives Isobel and his brother a quick hug before going up to the guest bedroom. He finds his European adapter and plugs his phone in to charge, not surprised when there are no messages from Emma.

Killian wrestles with thoughts of calling her again, or messaging her and saying how angry he is that she didn't just say _something_ if she hadn't wanted to come. He does neither, instead climbing into bed and thinking how she could be lying in his arms right now if she were here with him. He falls asleep to thoughts of Emma and how despite all his emotions towards her right now, he just misses her.

* * *

In his exhaustion and clouded mind Killian hadn't noticed all the Christmas decorations around the house until the following morning. There's tinsel and garlands wrapped around the staircases and fairy lights illuminating the hall ways. The windows have snowflake stickers and the doorways have mistletoe hanging above them. The tree is large, the angel on top touching the ceiling of the big living room that is also vastly decorated for the season.

All kinds of baubles and lights and tinsel hang on the tree and the stockings hang above the fireplace. He notices a gap beside the stocking with his name on and with a clench of his heart he knows Isobel took down the stocking she had made for Emma.

'Uncle Killy!' He hears from behind and he swings round just in time to lift up Ellie as she dives at him for a hug.

'Hello there little princess!' He greets her and she slings her small arms around his neck.

'Do you like our decorations? Mummy let _us_ make the tree pretty this year.' Ellie says proudly and he looks back over the tree and sees the pink ballerina baubles and glittery stars and he grins.

'It's beautiful.' Killian tells her, putting her back down as Anna runs into the room.

'Hi Uncle Killy.' She says with a smile, although a little more reserved than her sister. He hugs her and she leads him over to the sofa and looks at him seriously.

'Where is Auntie Emma?' Anna asks and he feels winded. He had expected questions from Liam and Isobel but he hadn't anticipated having to explain to his 8 year old niece.

'She had a lot of work to do back home and sadly she can't come here for Christmas this year.' Killian replies, hoping Anna didn't see through his badly told lie. The little girl nods and he exhales, thinking about how she called Emma 'Auntie' and he feels another pang in his chest.

He watches Disney movies with his nieces, thinking of the last time he spent time with them and Emma was beside him. He can't help it, everything reminds him of her and he wishes it would stop but he can't escape his thoughts of her. Liam suggests they go to the Christmas market in town and Killian is thankful for the distraction as he wraps his scarf around his neck in preparation for the cold December chill.

Anna and Ellie can't contain their excitement at all the stalls and Isobel takes them round, starting with the candy stall. He and Liam follow behind and he knows his brother wants to talk to him.

'So have you heard from Emma at all?' He asks casually, but Killian senses a lecture coming from his brother and it stirs the irritation inside him.

'No. She'll talk to me when she's ready.' Killian replies briefly and Liam walks a little faster to step in front of him.

'I know you think that is what is best for her, but what about you? Look, Emma seemed like a great person when I met her but you're my brother and I care about how you feel in this situation and you deserve answers. Do you even know if you're still together, is this her breaking up with you?' Liam presses on and Killian sighs.

'Liam, I don't bloody know, okay? All I know is that Emma and I understand each other, and she knows that I need answers but I know she needs space. It probably doesn't make sense to you but I know not to push her.' Killian explains, and when Liam doesn't reply he hopes it means he's going to stop questioning him on it, at least for now.

They stop in a little café and have hot chocolate and candy canes and mince pies. Anna and Ellie get their hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream but Killian simply sprinkles some cinnamon on his, remembering when Emma's lips tasted like this after their coffee date one day. He checks Facebook, knowing Emma wouldn't text now that he is abroad but he has no messages from her on there either. He does see a post from Ruby, a photograph of her, Mary Margret and Ashley decorating Granny's diner. The caption reads 'Getting into the Christmas spirit with the girls' but he notices the absence of Emma and he can't decide whether that's a relief or not.

It would have hurt to see Emma happy with her friends when they had plans together but it's almost worse that she isn't because that means she's not with him or her friends and he doesn't want to think of her being alone.

'You look sad.' Anna says to him when they return to the market, sliding her mitten covered hand into his and looking up at him with big questioning eyes. He often forgets how smart and mature his eldest niece is becoming and he gives her a smile, one that she probably sees through.

'I'm not sad, little one. I just miss Emma, that's all.' Killian says honestly and Anna swings their arms as they walk.

'Is she your best friend?' Anna asks and he smiles genuinely this time.

'Aye, she is.'

'Do you love her?' Anna looks up at him again, and he nods.

'Yes, very much so.' Anna smiles back, squeezing his hand before skipping off to join her sister at the jewellery stall. Killian smiles, his niece managing to cheer him up a little.

* * *

It's a quiet morning on Monday when Killian gets up. There's 4 days until Christmas but Isobel still has work until Christmas Eve and Anna and Ellie are at a friend's house for the day. Liam is upstairs wrapping some of the girls' presents while they're out of the house and Killian takes advantage of the quiet to read in the living room.

The fire is crackling and the house feels cozy but his mind continues to stray and it takes him rereading the same line of the book 4 times to realize he needs to put it away for now. He sighs and gets out his phone, trying not to feel disappointed when there are still no messages. He checks his emails disinterestedly until he raises his eyebrows in surprise at the notification of a new article from Emma on the site.

Killian's finger hovers over the link for a moment, debating whether or not to read it. He tosses his phone down beside in frustration, brushing his hand through his hair as he exhales. His eyes go to the empty space on the fireplace for her stocking before drifting over to the framed photographs of Liam and Isobel. They have photographs from their wedding around the house but the main one in the living room is of them gazing at each other after the ceremony.

With a swoop of his stomach he realizes it reminds him of the photograph he has of he and Emma looking at each other like that and he grabs his phone, inhaling as he clicks on the article link.

Killian clenches his jaw at the title, _The Truth about Love,_ and begins reading.

_Love makes you do stupid things, like getting married in Vegas because you don't want to spend another moment without them. Okay, perhaps 99% of these cases involve minds inebriated by something other than love but the point of extremity still stands._

Killian smiles, hearing the words in Emma's voice. He continues reading, enjoying her writing as he always does, until he's almost at the end and Emma's comments become more personal and his heart tightens.

 _While love can make us do crazy things, it can also make us hold back too. It can make us terrified because having that love is so wonderful that you panic, you think about losing it and suddenly you're cautious. Love is like a spinning tea cups ride that never stops, but if you're too close to the edge you could fall out and suddenly you're off the ride, not knowing how to get back on it, not knowing if you c_ an.

_Love has made me feel all kinds of emotions that are too inconceivable to explain. It's not something that can easily be put into words, the feeling in your heart and your stomach that makes you want to burst with how overwhelming it is. Love is beautiful in that way, but it's also hurt me, or rather I've used it to hurt myself.  
_

_Love kept me from getting on a plane once, but I'm ready to take off now._

Killian rereads in the words over, his heart beating quickly as he shuts off his laptop and rushes upstairs.

'Liam, we need to go the airport. Emma will be there.'


	16. Chapter 16

'Killian, there are several flights from JFK today, how the hell will you know which one she's on, if she is even on a plane?' Liam demands as Killian scans the arrivals board desperately. His brother is right, there are several flights from New York in the next few hours and he has no idea which one Emma will be on (but she _will_ be on one of them).

One has just arrived and he waits at terminal 3 to see if Emma arrives. He knows it's a long shot and after waiting half an hour and realizing all the American accents have disappeared and he hasn't seen Emma he admits that wasn't the one.

The next one arrives at terminal 5 in an hour and he looks over at Liam, who just sighs and shakes his head with small smile.

'I'll get us some coffee.' They head over to the other terminal and sit in the waiting area, watching all the comings and goings, the reunions and tears and hugs and kisses. The sight makes his heart ache for Emma even more and he looks longingly at the doors even though he knows even if she were on this arriving flight she wouldn't be here yet.

'You didn't explain why you think Emma is coming.' Liam says and Killian almost feels embarrassed to tell him the truth.

'She posted a new article on the website yesterday and I read it. It was about love, and how it makes us do crazy things but can also hold us back. She said that it had stopped her getting on the plane but she's ready now. She knows I love her writing and she knows I would have read her article. It was her way of telling me that she's coming.' Killian explains, unable to help the smile that tugs his lips.

Liam raises his eyebrows in surprise but doesn't dismiss the idea as ridiculous and Killian is relieved.

'She couldn't have been more specific, like ending the article with her flight number or something?' Liam teases and Killian laughs, his heart picking up when he sees a new crowd come through the doors. His eyes dart quickly over the groups, stopping momentarily on those with blonde hair before looking away when he realizes they're not Emma. When it's clear that she's not on this flight either Liam clears his throat and gets up to toss their now empty coffee cups.

'Come on then, the next flight lands in 10 at terminal 3 again.'

They end up sitting through two back to back arrivals in terminal 3, neither flights carrying Emma and Killian begins to lose hope. What if she had meant it metaphorically? A badly chosen metaphor given their current situation but perhaps she had meant that she's ready to commit when he comes back, not necessarily literally get on a plane to come to him.

After three cups of coffee and two pieces of gum he decides on hot chocolate with cinnamon, sick of the taste of coffee and needing something to comfort him. Liam talks to Isobel on the phone and Killian's stomach drops when his brother tells her that they are waiting for Emma as she decided to come in the end. There is no doubt in Liam's voice, like they have confirmation, like it's a sure thing. His stomach is churning with anxiety and he exhales.

'There's another flight arriving at this terminal soon, and then two at terminal 4. We'll wait for these three and then we will go.' Killian says firmly and Liam frowns.

'But what if she's not on the next three flights, what if she's on the fourth and we miss her?' Liam asks and Killian wonders if Liam has secretly enjoyed this mission to track down his girlfriend at the airport with only arrivals from New York as their clue.

'What if she's not on any of them, Liam? What if she didn't really come?' Killian replies quietly. Liam drops his shoulders and tilts his head sympathetically.

'It's a possibility. But wait until you know if that possibility is real before giving up. She could be getting off her plane right now, wondering if you're at the other end.' The very thought of Emma walking through those doors and him not being there makes him want to stay.

He shifts his focus back on the terminal door and waits once again. The sounds of the airport have now become a soft buzz in his ear and he actually finds the busy atmosphere relaxing. Killian sips his hot chocolate and waits.

There's a burst of activity as groups begin to stream out with their suitcases and greet their families and friends and fortunately the crowd moves regularly so he can still see the doors. Every time they're pushed open his heart jumps, only to sink again when he doesn't see Emma in the crowd.

'Isobel made Emma a stocking.' Liam says and Killian nods, keeping his eye on the doors as he speaks.

'Aye, I noticed the gap next to mine and assumed she had taken it down before I arrived.' Killian replies, finishing off his drink and pushing it into the center of their table.

'And the girls keep mentioning their 'American Auntie Emma' to all their friends, especially Anna.' Killian wonders why Liam is mentioning this now because it's hardly making him any less anxious.

'I'm glad Emma made such an impression on them.' Killian offers. He's not really in the mood to talk right now, particularly about how much his family likes his girlfriend seeing as she isn't even here yet.

'I just think it's nice that we get to know what's going on in your life. For a while you sort of shut us, _me_ , out.' Liam continues and Killian understands what he's getting at.

'I know, and I'm sorry for that. After hearing from Emma what it's like to not have a family I realized it was wrong of me to shut out the family I do have. We all have that moment where we think it has to be us versus the world.' Killian grins, referencing a time many years ago when Liam had his own moment of drama. Liam rolls his eyes before smiling, giving his brother a nod to signify everything is okay.

'Judging by the influx in Yankees hats around here I'd say this lot are from New York.' Liam says and Killian stands suddenly, too anxious to sit any longer. The initial crowd seems to die down quickly but Killian refuses to accept it wasn't this flight either. Perhaps she's still at baggage claim, her suitcase one of the last to go on the carousel. Perhaps security stopped her because she couldn't tell them what address she's staying at. Perhaps there are numerous reasons for her delay and not just because she's not coming.

His stomach his aching now and he knows he should calm down, eat something, drink water, but he can tear his eyes away from the doors to focus on anything else.

But everything seems to lift off him when he sees blonde hair wrapped in a messy braid, falling around a familiar face and he feels like his heart is literally bursting.

'Emma.' He murmurs and takes off before Liam even has time to register Emma's arrival for himself.

She hasn't seen him yet and she's wearing an expression of worry as she chews her lip, tugging her suitcase along behind her as she walks through the groups of happy loved ones, clearly unsure where she's heading.

'Emma.' He calls and his heart clenches when he sees her turn to him in surprise, her eyes wide and watery. She stops where she is and he runs the few hundred yards to her, scooping her in his arms and spinning her around. She laughs through her tears and presses her face into his neck, tightly clinging on to his sweater.

'You read my article.' She muffles against him and he laughs.

'Aye, of course I did. You came.' Killian replies, breathing in her comforting and familiar scent.

'I realized how stupid I was for not coming but I couldn't get another flight out until today. Killian, I'm so sorry.' Emma begins but he pulls back and cups her face, brushing away the stray tear that ran down her cheek.

'None of that matters now.' He says softly and Emma smiles. She looks tired but otherwise happy and he feels his anxiety wash away the longer he looks at her.

'I love you.' Emma says softly and he can't contain the wide grin that forms on his lips.

'Okay.' He replies, his stomach flipping at the sound of her gentle laughter. He pulls her into his arms once more and holds her more appreciatively now that his initial emotions have calmed down.

'I love you too.' Killian says calmly, although his heart is still hammering in his chest.

* * *

 

_3 days ago_

Emma stares at the suitcase sitting by the door in the dimly lit apartment. It's early and she knows the cab is coming to pick her up at 6am but now that she's ready with 10 minutes to spare the anxiety burns in her chest. She had been excited for this day since they booked their tickets 3 weeks ago but now it's here her head starts throbbing and her heart thumps with anxiety.

It's something she can't quite explain even to herself, the anxiety she feels over this trip. She's met Killian's family and loves them already (and she knows they're pretty fond of her too). She's excited to experience a different country and get on a plane for the first time, no matter how scared she is about what taking off and landing is going to feel like. And she wouldn't choose anyone other than Killian to be there with her for all of this. So why does she feel like this?

She stands up and pulls her suitcase back into her room before throwing on a jacket and pair boots, wiping her eyes as she leaves the apartment. The cab pulls up just as she reaches the lobby of the building and Emma walks briskly over before the driver gets out.

'Hi, I'm Emma Swan. I'm sorry but there's been a change of plans. I'm not going so just go to Killian Jones' address and take him to the airport.' Emma explains, sliding the driver a 10 for the inconvenience. He just nods and rolls the window back up and drives away. Emma stands on the sidewalk outside her apartment, shivering and imagining Killian's reaction when the cab pulls up outside his place and she's not in it.

She returns to her apartment with fresh tears in her eyes, crawling back into bed and hugging her pillow. Emma is aware that she is the one making this difficult for herself but she can't help it, this damn wall that she's spent so long building is getting in the way. She messages Killian a simple _I'm sorry_ and shuts off her phone, burying herself under the blankets as she cries. She feels awful and ironically the person she needs to make her feel better is the one she just hurt.

-/-

'Emma, what are you still doing here? I thought your flight was at 10am.' Mary Margret asks when Emma shuffles out of her bedroom sometime in the afternoon.

'I didn't go, clearly.' Emma mumbles as she shoves two pop tarts into the toaster and sniffs, feeling the tears sting her eyes once again.

'Why, did something happen between you two? Did Killian go by himself then?' Her friend asks and Emma bites the inside of her cheek before turning around.

'No, nothing happened between us and yes I assume so.' She answers but Mary Margret gets up from her comfortable nest on the sofa to stand beside her in the kitchen.

'So why didn't you go?' Mary Margret says softly, clearly knowing it's a difficult situation for her.

'I don't know. I had my suitcase packed all ready to go and suddenly I had this feeling in my chest that ached and I freaked out and couldn't do it.' Emma explains poorly and Mary Margret tilts her head sympathetically.

'Emma, I thought you got past that anxiety, I thought you trusted Killian?' She says and Emma is grateful the pop tarts are ready so she can turn around and blink away her tears.

'I do trust him. I thought I got past it too but I guess not.' Emma replies quietly, heading back to her room with her pop tarts and shutting the door. She turns her phone back on, biting her lip when she sees all the messages and missed calls from Killian. She knows what she did was awful and the fact that Killian is clearly hurt pains her even more. _What have I done?_ Emma thinks with frustration when she reads Killian's last message ( _I'm sorry if this was too much. Merry Christmas, hopefully I'll see you soon)._

-/-

Emma groans after getting off the phone with the airline. She's going to have to pay an extra 600 dollars to get her flight rescheduled, which they can't do until Monday and she's already lost enough time as it is.

Killian has probably arrived in England now and she would be there with him if she hadn't been so stupid. The momentarily lapse in her fear of commitment has already hindered her enough and she just wants to be back with Killian again. She can't even imagine how hurt he must be that she bailed with no explanation and she hates herself for freaking out. As long as she can get to him on Monday, it's only a couple of days away.

Regina is demanding one more article from her before the end of the year so she decides to busy herself with work instead of worrying about everything, opening up her laptop and wiggling her fingers ready to type. She already has an idea of what she wants to write about.

Emma finishes the article in record time, emailing it back to Regina for her to check over before submitting it tomorrow. She remembers blushing when Killian told her that he set up notifications for whenever she posts new articles and she hopes he will get one this time too.

-/-

Emma holds her passport and boarding pass as she waits for her gate to open. The nerves are still present but this time she feels excited. The anxiety is still present, still churning in her stomach but her need to see Killian outweighs any worries she has. She only saw him on Friday but somehow everything that's happened over the past few days makes it feel like so much longer.

She considers messaging him to say she's on her way, to apologize and say that she made a mistake and she wants to be with him and she's coming.

Emma wonders if he will understand what she means in her article, if he even reads it. She has hope that he will though, that things will work out. The gates open and they begin calling up row numbers and she shakes her hands out with anticipation. Her row number is finally called and she joins the line to get her passport checked. Ironically she feels like she's on autopilot as she's gone through the different processes of the airport, despite it being her first time. Her mind has been preoccupied with thoughts of reuniting with Killian and she wishes she could just bypass the next 8 hours and be in England right now.

Eventually she gets on the plane and finds her seat, settling down and looking out the window at the wing of the plane. _I'm coming, Killian_ she says silently when the plane begins moving, the windows rattling as it speeds along the runway and tilts to take off. Her stomach lifts as the plane quickly flies upwards and she wishes he was beside her to squeeze her hand and comfort her. She shuts her eyes and imagines him there with her, telling her it's okay and calling her Swan with a grin.

It still feels shaky but the vibration of the plane has died down and Emma opens her eyes, looking out the window again and seeing New York fade away. She keeps looking out until they're over the Atlantic Ocean and she exhales, knowing she's closer to Killian now.

* * *

 

'So how did you even know what flight I was on?' Emma asks as they drive back to Liam's house, pressing herself close to Killian in the back of the car. Liam had given them some time to reunite before coming over, something Killian had been rather grateful for. His brother greeted Emma warmly with a hug but Killian took her hand as soon as the two separated, wanting to keep hold of her and not letting go even now as they sit in the car.

'We didn't.' Liam jokes and Killian plays with the end of Emma's braid as she looks up at him with confusion.

'We went to the terminals where flights from New York were arriving and waited to see if you came out. Fifth flight was the charm I guess.' Killian smiles and Emma's eyebrows dip into a frown.

'You sat through all those arrivals for me?' She asks quietly and he drops his playful manner for a moment.

'Aye.' He replies simply, shaking his head when Emma's eyes fill up with tears again. She rests her head on his shoulder and holds on tightly to his hand, staying quiet for a long time after that. Liam puts the radio on, probably feeling awkward with the silent but intense reunion he and Emma are having.

After half an hour on the motorway Emma lifts her head off his shoulder and looks out the window curiously. In the excitement of seeing her he had forgotten that this was her first time in England, and her first time out of America at all.

'How was your first time on a plane, lass?' Killian asks softly, still smiling despite the little clench of heart that reminds him he didn't get to be there with her for it.

'It was weird. I guess I knew what to expect from movies and stuff but after being around rude passengers the excitement wore off pretty quickly.' Emma replies with a scoff.

'The turbulence was horrible though. It made me feel sick.' She adds and he puts his arm around her as if to comfort her from the long gone motion sickness she experienced.

'I pretended you were there with me.' Emma says quietly to him and he kisses her chastely, trying to communicate silently the things he wanted to say if there were in private.

She smiles before looking back out the window, the countryside flying past them on their way to Liam's.

They get back later than expected, way past dinner time and the girls' bedtime. Isobel hugs Emma like an old friend while Liam takes her suitcase up to the guest room and Killian can see how overwhelmed Emma feels with all the hospitality and warmth his family shows her. Isobel insists on cooking them something but both he and Emma refuse and Liam agrees, ordering the three of them some pizza so his wife can go to bed and get some sleep before getting up for work in the morning.

Liam is busy quietly checking on Anna and Ellie while they wait for the pizza so Killian shows Emma around the first floor of the house. She smiles at all the decorations around the house but when he takes her into the living room and she sees a stocking with her name on she tears up again.

'I've never had a stocking before.' Emma mumbles, walking over to it and running her fingers along her embroidered name. Killian comes up behind her, putting his arms around her as she sniffs and wipes her tears away.

'Well get ready to be part of all kinds of Jones family traditions.' Killian tells her softly, smiling when she laughs lightly and puts her arms over his. He can feel her lean against him and he knows she's tired and wants to go to bed but he also knows that her stomach was rumbling in the car and she gets grumpy when she's hungry.

Liam comes back downstairs in good timing for the doorbell ringing and Killian is glad the pizza has arrived now that his stomach is beginning to growl. The three of them eat the pizza at the small breakfast table in the kitchen, too hungry to talk to each other until they've had at least 2 slices.

'Now as the two of you are clearly on good terms again I should remind you that your nieces are just down the hall and believe me they will ask about any 'strange noises' they hear coming from your room in the night.' Liam tells them firmly and Killian almost chokes on the crust of his pizza. Emma's cheeks have never flushed so quickly and he clears his throat and glares at his brother.

'I don't think this conversation is really necessary, Liam.' Killian says, frowning when he brother shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

'I'm just trying to save you the awkwardness in the morning.' Liam offers with a grin. Emma finishes the rest of her pizza in record time, clearly wanting to go bed and Killian heads up with her, saying a rather sheepish goodnight to his brother, who clears up the pizza boxes and turns off the various Christmas lights around the house.

Emma looks unsure where to go and he takes her hand, leading her to their room. He hears her gasp when she enters the room and he smiles as he begins unbuttoning his shirt.

'This is just the guest bedroom?' Emma asks in surprise as she takes in the four poster bed and deep brown colour of the expensive wooden furniture.

'Aye, Liam and Isobel have very expensive taste, although I suppose they have the money to support it.' He shrugs, trying to suppress the sting of jealousy he feels towards his brother's stable lifestyle.

Emma opens her suitcase and shuffles things around until she finds a pair of pajamas and her bag of toiletries, standing up and looking at him awkwardly.

'The bathroom is at the end of the hall, lass.' Killian says softly and she nods, quietly closing the bedroom door behind her as she heads to the bathroom.

Killian exhales and opens the wardrobe to get out the extra blanket Isobel had told him about. Despite the fact that there would now be two people in the bed the temperature drops a lot during the night and he doesn't want Emma to feel cold.

She returns just as he climbs in, straightening up the edges of the blanket at the foot of the bed. Emma puts her clothes in the laundry hamper beside the wardrobe and slides her bag back into her suitcase before standing there hesitantly, chewing her lip as she watches him with teared filled eyes.

'Come here, Swan.' Killian says, patting the space in bed beside him for her. She obliges, lifting up the comforter and immediately presses herself into his side. He feels her sob as he wraps his arm around her and he slides down the bed until they're face to face.

'Why are you crying, lass?' He murmurs, brushing away the tear that rolls from her eyes across her nose as she lies down.

'This is all I've ever wanted.' Emma replies, the corners of her lips tugging into a smile despite her tears. 'I wanted a family, to feel save and loved and to feel like I have a home. I've finally found that in you.'

Killian feels himself tear up at Emma's words. Her watery green eyes are looking into his with such love he has to kiss her, brushing his hands over her soft pajamas as he holds her close.

'I love you so much, I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you.' Emma whispers and he shakes his head and kisses along her cheek and jaw.

'I don't care how long it took, you're here and I love you and I've never been happier.' Killian tells her, his heart jumping when she laughs and cuddles up to him. They seem to have a silent agreement of not going any further than kissing for tonight, both clearly put off doing anything else by his brother's little talk with them.

'I know I said it doesn't matter, but why did you back out of coming with me?' Killian asks after a moment of quietness as they lay beside each other. Emma opens her eyes and traces the shape of his lips with her finger softly.

'I knew that it was only a matter of time once we got here that I would admit to being in love with you. It was easier being in my bubble of denial, pretending that things were still casual between us. I've never really let myself be truly happy because I worry about it being taken away. You get hurt if you care too much and I didn't want to get hurt. But I realized that I was the only thing standing in the way of my happiness and I wanted to stop hurting myself, and you. Killian, you have to know that I've never felt this way before. I've never felt this content and happy before.' Emma admits and he instinctively tightens his grip on her hip as he listens.

'I'll do everything I can to protect that happiness, Emma. You're my happiness too, and I don't want to ever lose you.' Killian feels himself relax the more they reveal to each other and his anxiety from earlier is completely gone. It's been one of the longest days of his life but he's relieved that this is the way it's ending.

'The girls are going to be so excited to see you tomorrow.' Killian tells her with a smile and Emma hums happily, brushing her legs against his as she wriggles in the bed.

'I'm so glad I came. Christmas with your family is going to be amazing.' Emma replies before yawning and he kisses her forehead before tucking in the sheets behind her to keep her warm.

'They're your family too.' Killian tells her simply, knowing by the way she hugs him that she's grateful. They both fall asleep quickly, tired from the emotionally exhausting day, but it's the morning when Killian realizes just how happy he is when Emma wakes beside him, ignoring his protests of morning breath to kiss him and tell him she loves him.

There's a small knock at the door and Killian shifts to a more respectable position just before Anna and Ellie come running in, jumping on the bed and hugging Emma.

'Auntie Emma!' They cheer and he sees how much they look up to her already, particularly Anna, who seems to have formed a strong bond with Emma. They cuddle in beside her and luckily the bed is big enough for all of them. He remembers the women he casually dated before Emma and how he never would have even introduced them to his family. Now he has found Emma and everything has changed.


	17. Chapter 17

'Emma.' She vaguely registers Killian whispering beside her and she groans in response, his hand on her shoulder gently rocking her awake.

'What?' Emma asks, peeling her eyes open to see the outline of Killian in the darkness of the bedroom.

'It's snowing.' Killian murmurs excitedly before shuffling out of the bed and over to the window, peeking round the curtain to look outside. Emma rubs her eyes but climbs out of bed too, joining him at the window and smiling when she sees the peaceful snowfall in the backyard of the house.

'I didn't know you liked snow so much.' Emma says quietly after shifting her gaze to Killian for a while, noticing how mesmerized he looks by the snow. He looks like a child all giddy over snow at Christmas time and it makes her heart squeeze.

'I like watching it. It's so relaxing, just watching the snow silently falling until there's a blanket of white across everything. It makes me calm.' Killian explains and Emma wonders by his tone if there's something else. He finally tears his eyes away from the snow outside to look at her, the strange light of the early hour of the morning the only thing illuminating them.

'I told you about how Liam and I haven't been able to spend Christmas together very much since I moved. The first Christmas I spent away from him was horrible. I was only 23 and entirely alone and it really got to me. One night I had a panic attack, the anxiety of being alone in a terrible apartment with no friends or family too much for me. I looked out the window and realized it was snowing and I took a deep breath and watched it until it stopped. It didn't fix my problems but it calmed me down and now whenever it snows I remember that time in my life, and that I managed to get myself out of that pit of anxiety.' Killian is only wearing his boxers and she can see the cold affect the bare skin of his arms and chest and she hugs him tightly, hating the very thought of him feeling like that.

'I love you.' She tells him, and it's probably the first time she's told him for unselfish reasons, to comfort him instead of herself. Emma pulls him back to bed and kisses him lazily once they're back under the sheets, suddenly feeling wide awake.

'Emma.' Killian murmurs harshly when her hand dips below the waistband of his boxers and she snorts.

'Your body is betraying you, Jones.' She replies and he groans when she touches his arousal. Their kisses turn more passionate as she teases him and he bites her lip when he finally comes from her ministrations, breathing heavily against her lips as she grins. His hand skirts the waistband of her own panties but she pulls it way with a shake of her head.

'Another time.' She whispers, kissing away the look of confusion on his face until he realizes that right now is about him. She spends a while just touching him wherever she can, discovering all his scars and secrets along the way. Killian wears a lazy smile while she kisses along his chest and gently runs her hand up his leg until she rests it on his thigh. He twitches when she brushes over the pink scar just above his hip bone (he had fallen from a tree when he was 10 and a branch had cut across the exposed skin) and she smiles, enjoying the way he moans when she presses her lips to the tender spot.

Emma's eyes begin to feel heavy with sleep again despite the morning sun just beginning to peek through the curtains and she sighs happily, knowing she has nowhere else to be but with Killian.

'I love you.' She says once again, her stomach flipping when Killian opens his eyes and smiles at her like those words mean everything to him. Perhaps they do.

* * *

Liam has taken Anna and Ellie to their school Christmas fair and the house is quiet for the first time in days. Killian is sitting by the fire in the living room, content enough to finally read his book without his mind wandering. Emma has gone for a walk in the snow and while he was completely up for joining her he knew she needed a moment to herself. He knows she's having a good time here but it's also a lot for someone who isn't used to being around all these people so intimately.

Killian hears the front door and he smiles as he hears Emma take off her boots and sniff from the cold air. She comes in to the living room still bundled up in her scarf as she pulls off her gloves, smiling at him despite her red nose and ears.

'Ah, it's so warm in here.' Emma sighs as she sits down in front of the fire, holding her hands close to warm them up. Killian slides his bookmark in place and moves to sit beside her, brushing her hair out of the way as he untangles her scarf from around her neck. Emma shivers and he kisses her neck and tugs on her cold earlobe, making her giggle.

Her fingers are red and he rubs them in between his to warm them up, stopping briefly to kiss her equally red cheeks. When Emma finally stops shivering he tucks her between his legs and wraps his arms around her as they sit by the fire. He closes his eyes when she rests her head against him, the solid feel of Emma in his arms and the crackling sounds of the fire enough to soothe him into a dozy state.

'Killian, can I show you something?' Emma says quietly and he frowns with curiosity.

'Aye, lass.' He replies, missing her as soon as she disentangles herself from him to stand up. She smiles and says she'll be back in a moment and his mind thinks of various possibilities of what it is she is going to retrieve. She comes back downstairs a few minutes later and is holding something small and wrapped up and he wonders if it's his Christmas gift and why she's giving it to him two days early if it is.

'I was going to wait until Christmas to give it to you, but I also wanted it be just us when I did.' Emma says as she sits back down beside him and hands him the small gift. He's surprised by the weight of it and gives her a questioning look before her smile encourages him to open it. Killian carefully tears away the wrapping paper but feels even more confused when he sees a golden plaque with his name on.

'It's your artist plaque. I submitted some of your work to a gallery and you were picked to be included in their exhibition next month. You can withdraw if you're not comfortable with it, but I knew if I suggested it you would have said you weren't good enough.' Emma tells him, shuffling beside him in anticipation for his response.

Killian looks at his name on the plaque again, imagining it on the wall beside his artwork in a gallery and his stomach churns.

'No one besides you and Liam has seen my artwork before, I'm kind of nervous.' He laughs and Emma smiles, lifting his arm to tuck herself into his side.

'Everyone is going to love it, Killian.' She says softly and he sighs happily at the confidence in her voice.

'Thank you, Emma.' Killian replies a moment later, smiling when she leans up to kiss his cheek.

'I didn't submit the one you painted of the sunset. I thought you'd prefer to keep that one private.' Emma says quietly and he nods, grateful that she knows him so well. He's excited for this opportunity, particularly as he never even thought about it being a possibility.

'I love you.' Killian tells her, glad he can say it without worrying how she will react, knowing she loves him back. Emma used to flinch whenever he told her and now she smiles warmly and relishes hearing those words and it makes his heart swell to know she's finally accepted his love.

'I love you, too.' Emma replies and he can tell she enjoys saying it just as much as he does.

* * *

'Emma, are you ready?' Killian calls from the other side of the door and she sighs, looking in the mirror and brushing over her dress before opening the bedroom door. She shouldn't feel nervous, it's only a Christmas talent show at the girls' school but somehow Emma feels like everyone will be scrutinizing her. Isobel is on the PTA and friends with a lot of the other parents, who all know Liam's brother and his American girlfriend are over for Christmas. She feels like she did in high school when she wanted everyone's approval and it's unnerving.

'You look beautiful, my love.' Killian smiles appreciatively at her as he looks her up and down and rests on her eyes. Her nerves lessen slightly at his compliment but she pulls him in for a reassuring hug anyway, careful not to get her make up on his white dress shirt.

'What if Isobel's friends don't like me?' She asks, knowing how silly it sounds to worry about such things.

'Of course they will, Swan.' Killian says calmly and sometimes she forgets how supportive he really is.

'I'm sorry, I just get really anxious about meeting new people.' Emma shrugs off and Killian smiles.

'I never would have guessed from our first meeting.' He replies teasingly, making Emma rolls her eyes and shake her head. She remembers it clearly, the day they both started at the newspaper and he hit on her in the elevator before they realized they were co-workers. She thought he was attractive (okay, she specifically remembers thinking he was 'hot as hell') but it was her first day at a new job and she did not want to get distracted by a hot guy with an accent.

'Just because I told you to go screw yourself doesn't mean I wasn't anxious on the inside.' She says humorously and Killian's expression softens.

'I could tell you were. You avoided eye contact and tugged on the strap of your bag the entire time we were in the elevator. I suppose you were nervous about your first day too, but I saw you tense when I spoke to you. And then you fired back at me with such confidence and I thought you were fiery and brilliant and I didn't even know your name yet.' Killian tells her quietly, tucking her hair behind her ear and brushing his thumb across her cheek.

'No you didn't.' Emma laughs off gently but Killian lifts her chin and kisses her, slow and meaningful, and rests his forehead of hers.

'Yes I did.' He reaffirms and Emma inhales, her stomach flipping at just how much he loves her. Their moment is broken by Anna calling for them from downstairs and Killian presses one more quick kiss to her lips before taking her hand and heading downstairs.

Emma smiles at Anna and Ellie in their dresses and braided hair as they excitedly climb into the car and Ellie rests her head against Emma's arm as they head to the school. The girls quickly join their friends when they arrive and Emma finds Killian's hand as they enter the school hall. There's a table of mince pies and tea and coffee that the majority of the adults are crowded around and Isobel begins saying hello to all the parents she knows.

Isobel introduces them to a couple of people and she feels Killian's arm move around her waist tightly when the single dad on the PTA takes great interest in her.

'Killian.' She says with a grin and he shrugs innocently, kissing her cheek as they find some seats to watch the show. Isobel and Liam bring over the parents of Anna and Ellie's friends and introduce them. Emma and Killian alternate between answering their questions about their jobs, how they met, what living in New York is like and if they're enjoying their stay in England. Emma is realizing that their life in the big city must seem like a whole different world to all these people that live in small towns and cottages in the English countryside.

'Would you want to stay in New York for the rest of your life? Or would you want to come back here, or maybe go somewhere else entirely?' Emma asks Killian when the parents begin complaining about something to do with the school and Isobel and Liam get caught up in the conversation.

'I don't know, I suppose I haven't thought much about it. I've never seen myself coming back to England but I'm not sure if I would stay in the city for the rest of my life either. Maybe one day we'll live in the suburbs together.' Killian laughs, lacing their fingers together as he bumps her shoulder.

'Together?' Emma teases and Killian runs his tongue along his bottom lip in a way that makes her wish they were alone. He doesn't reply, just smiles and she squeezes his hand happily. The chatter around them dies down and the show begins, the principal opening with a short speech before the first kid comes on stage. It's a little boy playing the piano, his parents proudly filming him from the front row.

After a few kids playing instruments, dancing and reading poems, Anna and Ellie are up next. Liam gets his own camera ready as they step out on stage, a teacher lowering the microphone stands for them. Ellie is grinning and looks excited but Anna looks a little nervous and Emma wants to hug her.

The music begins and Emma smiles. She should have known they were singing that song from Frozen. They get right into the song and even some of the people in the audience join in, and when they've finished Emma claps and smiles as she watches them wave and skip off stage happily. Isobel and Liam look so proud of their daughters and Killian of his nieces. There are a few more performers and then everyone comes together on stage to bow and say goodnight. Soon after the girls come running over to them, hugging their parents and showing off the prizes they received, mostly consisting of candy.

'What did you think Auntie Emma?' Ellie asks her and she crouches down to give her a hug.

'I thought you were brilliant.' Emma tells the little girl, who giggles and pops her lollypop back into her mouth. Anna comes over for a hug too, staying by her side while her younger sister runs around with friends and their parents chat for a while.

Anna seems less energetic than her sister, barely keeping her eyes open and Emma pulls her up onto her lap, Anna's thumb slipping into her mouth as she leans against her. Killian has a look in his eye that Emma has never seen before when she glances over at him and she holds Anna a little closer, the maternal instinct in her pleasantly surprising.

They head home a while later and she carries Anna to the car, smiling at her sleepy mumbling. When they get back Emma takes her up to her bedroom, making sure she gets into her pajamas and brushes her teeth before getting into bed.

'Goodnight Auntie Emma, I love you.' Anna says quietly as she cuddles into her teddy bear and Emma swallows thickly.

'Goodnight Anna. I love you too.' Emma replies before turning the light off and closing the door behind her. Isobel is helping Ellie to bed when Emma goes into the other girl's room to say goodnight and she seems to have calmed down now, sliding under her pink quilt as Isobel turns on her night light. Ellie hugs her and waves sleepily as she leaves the room and Emma goes downstairs to find Killian.

Liam is setting up the fire in the living room as Killian watches on, joking around with his brother about something.

'Are the girls all tucked in now?' He asks her when she joins him on the sofa and she nods, curling up into his side and pulling the blanket over them both.

'Perhaps now the show is over they will stop singing that song.' Liam sighs, although Emma hears the affection he has for his daughters when he speaks.

'Anna seems more reserved than Ellie, have they always been that different to one another?' Emma wonders as Liam dusts off his hands from the fire.

'Aye, Anna has always been a quiet one, even as a baby. Ellie on the other hand was a noisy little baby and that energy has stayed with her it seems. I forget Anna is only 8 when she acts so mature sometimes. She still sucks her thumb and sleeps with her teddy but then she'll say things that surprise me. When Isobel and I were trying for another baby she put her hands on Isobel's stomach and asked why it wasn't getting any bigger even though we really wanted it too. It was an innocent question but we hadn't even told the girls about the possibility of another sibling yet. She'd heard us discussing it and knew we were upset.' Liam tells them as he sits down on the opposite couch. Isobel comes in just as he finishes speaking and she sits down beside her husband, who puts his arm around her and kisses her temple.

'Anna would come and comfort me even when I was doing something normal, like cooking or working in the office. She's scarily good at reading people and their emotions for such a young age.' Isobel adds and Emma feels a strange dip in her stomach. Perhaps that was why Anna always comes to her; maybe she thinks she needs comforting. Emma instinctively presses herself closer to Killian at that thought.

'Speaking of which we had a few questions for you Emma, if you're comfortable with discussing our plans for adoption?' Liam says softly and she feels Killian's hand on her leg tighten beneath the blanket.

'Of course, although I'm not sure how much help I can be. I don't really know the logistics of the process, particularly the system here.' Emma shrugs, putting her hand over Killian's to let him know she was okay.

Liam and Isobel both seem to drop their shoulders in relief at her response and she wonders if they've been waiting to talk to her about this since she arrived.

'Well it was more about what you think is the best way to approach this. We weren't sure whether we should adopt a baby, or toddler or a child around the age of the girls. We know that it's more difficult for older children to find a home so we wondered if perhaps that would be the better option, but then we don't want Anna and Ellie to feel uncomfortable in any way.' Isobel begins and Emma can't stop the way her eyebrows shot up in surprise at all this information.

'Okay, well first of all it's what works for your family. If you think adopting a newborn is a better fit than adopting a 7 year old than do that. If you think that 7 year old would fit well with your daughters that can be an option too. There's no one correct way of doing this, just as long as whichever child you do choose is loved and cared for, which I know they will be.' Emma offers, hoping it was enough to help them in some way. Isobel nods and smiles, looking teary eyed and Emma isn't sure if her tears are particularly good or bad.

'Do you remember your first foster family?' Liam asks and while Emma is surprised by the question she responds quickly.

'Not really. I was adopted as a baby and they put me in a group home when I was three. I don't remember but I read my file when I was 14 and it said that they returned me because they had their own child and didn't want me. Although I was left at the side of a freeway my birth parents had wrapped me up in a quilted blanket with my name on and apparently my first foster family were worried they would come find me one day and they'd have to give me up anyway. I don't believe that, I think they just told the agency that to seem less heartless but it was a long time ago.' Emma says simply and she's met with stunned silence from Liam and Isobel.

'Emma…' Killian says quietly and she looks over at him with a small smile.

'It bothered me when I was younger but not anymore. I like my life now and I probably wouldn't be here if I had stayed with the Swans. That's how I like to look at it.' She tells him and she knows if his brother and sister in law weren't in the room with them he'd be kissing her right now by the way he's looking at her.

'I'm glad my brother found you.' Liam laughs, and the slightly awkward atmosphere fades as they all laugh together. The four of them talk for a while, about kids and families and jobs and lives. Emma hears more stories about Killian's childhood and she even gets to see some photographs of him too (the one of a tiny Killian wearing a Superman costume was one of her favorites). She learns more about Isobel too, finding out that her father was a banker and she was rather wealthy growing up (the fact that Isobel told her of her fortunate background with humility whilst also not being patronizing and pitying was another reason Emma liked her).

They drink hot cocoa and laugh and reminisce about various things in each of their lives until the fire dies down and they're all yawning and decide to turn in for the night. Killian looks at her with a sleepy look of affection as they climb into bed and she remembers the story Liam told about Killian pretending his imaginary friends were the kids in his class because none of them wanted to be his friend. The brothers played it off like a joke but the idea of Killian being lonely, even as a little kid, made her heart hurt. She'd always seen Killian as the popular guy in their office, the one everyone wanted to be friends with and knowing he's felt the same loneliness as she has makes her want to never let him feel that way again.

They seem to share the same need for each other tonight as Killian whispers her name and she knows by his rough voice that he wants her. They had had a silent understanding that Killian had wanted to wait until she could accept the feelings between them to progress their physical relationship any further but now that she has they have to deal with the awkwardness of being guests in his brother's house. Tonight however, their apprehensions seem to fade and she welcomes his heated touch and muffled moans as they explore one another under the sheets. She hadn't expected their first time to be like this but she discovers that it's perfect anyway.

Killian makes love to her in a perfect combination of slow and gentle and fast and needy. They kiss away each other's sounds of pleasure to remain quiet and Emma finds herself enjoying treading the line between losing herself in the moment with Killian and trying to be aware of the quiet night around them.

'I love you.' Killian murmurs in her ear before shuddering against her and she presses her lips to his to suppress the moan rising in her throat as she comes too. The air is cold outside the heat of the bed and Emma presses herself close to Killian even after they've both come down from the high of their physical intimacy.

'I thought it would be different, I thought you'd be different.' Emma says quietly and she feels Killian tense beside her in concern so she continues on before he can say anything.

'Before we were together you had a reputation. I'd seen you with multiple women and I knew you were into the casual thing. I'm not judging because I preferred things casual too, but I'd heard things about you. Honestly I've wondered for a while what it would be like to be with you and I know it was because of me that we waited so long but I hated that there were other women out there that had been with you in this way and I hadn't.' Emma stares up at the ceiling as she speaks, her vision starting to make her head hurt in the dark.

'Emma, this was nothing like what I had with those other women. This was different because I'm in love with you.' Killian replies with a hint of frustration and she turns to face him in the bed, brushing her fingers across his cheek.

'I know. But I had never thought that would happen.' She replies simply and he grabs onto her hip harshly as he kisses her. She knows he's trying to prove how he feels with the ferocity of the kiss and she pulls away with a soft laugh, knowing even in the darkness that his eyebrows are pulled down intensely with confusion.

'I know how you feel about me, that's exactly what I'm saying. This was about love and it was perfect.' Emma smiles, brushing her thumb over Killian's lips to feel if he was smiling. She feels the corners of his lips curve upwards and she laughs again until he joins in before kissing her, whispering a reminder to keep quiet and she bites her lip with a grin.

'I love you so much, Killian.' She sighs a moment later and he holds her in a tight embrace as if he never wants to let go. She falls asleep with their bodies entwined and she's never felt more comfortable.

* * *

Killian discovers that since reaching a new level of intimacy the previous night neither he nor Emma can keep their hands off each other for very long. It's now Christmas Eve and the house is buzzing with activity as last minute gifts are wrapped and food is cooked. Emma offered to help Isobel in the kitchen but when he comes in to see how they're doing and Emma is licking whipped cream off her finger he has to remind himself of where they are and the fact that his family are present.

The doorbell rings and Isobel goes to answer it, giving Killian the perfect opportunity for a few minutes alone with Emma.

'Hello, sweetheart.' He says in a low voice as he wraps his arms around her waist and she leans back into him with ease.

'I've missed you, where have you been?' Emma asks and he kisses the small amount of skin that's exposed around her shoulders and neck.

'Helping Liam chop the firewood and stack it in the shelter. I wouldn't have agreed to help if I'd known it meant being away from you for hours.' Killian tells her and she laughs and shakes her head against him.

'You haven't showered yet have you?' She replies and he can see her smirk when she turns her head towards him slightly.

'Why, are you thinking of joining me, lass?' Killian teases back and he licks his lips when she groans.

'Vividly.' Emma responds and he spins her around until she's facing him and he can see her green eyes full of mischief. He hears Isobel coming back down the hall and moves to leave a respectable distance between them, Emma squeezing his arm before returning to her baking, flashing him a flirtatious smile when he leaves to shower.

It takes him another half hour to get to the bathroom between Liam needing his help to put some extra presents under the tree and the girls wanting to play some Christmas songs on the piano for him. When he enters the bedroom in his towel after showering he finds Emma on the bed, Skyping Mary Margaret and David to say Merry Christmas before they're all busy tomorrow and don't find the time with the 5 hour gap between them.

Despite the playful glint in her eye, Emma doesn't mention his entrance until he's fully dressed and can make an appearance on camera that wouldn't scare their friends. The four of them chat for a bit before saying goodbye and Emma pushes her laptop away with a strange expression.

'Usually at Christmas Mary Margaret and I would exchange gifts before we awkwardly dance around the fact that she goes to see her family in Westchester and I stay in the apartment by myself. It's nice not to see her pity me for once.' Emma jokes, but he sees her thinking about all the times she was alone and he puts his arm around her in silent comfort.

'I see David is a new addition to Mary Margaret's Christmas plans.' Killian notes and Emma laughs lightly.

'Yeah there was no way she was visiting her family without showing off her Prince Charming.' Emma replies with a shake of her head, although she speaks warmly of her friend.

'So does that mean I'm showing off my princess to my family then?' Killian teases and Emma snorts and rolls her eyes.

'You're ridiculous.' She replies, gently shoving his shoulder as she stands up. He catches her hand as she moves away from the bed and tugs her back.

'You love it.' Killian grins, and Emma's amused smile turns genuine.

'Yeah, I do.' His heart squeezes at the way she's looking at him and he stands up to kiss her. She hums against his lips and slides her hands below the waistband of his sweatpants teasingly but their moment is interrupted by the ringing of a Skype call on her laptop and she groans.

'I think it's Ruby, I'm sorry.' Emma sighs, but he shakes his head a gives her a quick kiss.

'No worries, love. I need to help out with a few more things downstairs anyway. Say hello to her for me.' Killian says before giving her a smile and leaving her to talk with her friend.

'Killian.' He hears his brother call faintly and he frowns when he realizes it's coming from Liam's bedroom rather than downstairs. He goes into the bedroom to find Liam sitting on the bed with a wooden box he vaguely recognizes.

'It's mum's jewelry.' Liam explains and Killian joins him on the bed, careful not to sit on the pearls Liam had taken out of the box.

'Why are you looking at them now?' Killian asks, watching his brother carefully for any hint of obvious emotion. Liam doesn't seem upset, but perhaps the holiday season had just made him feel nostalgic.

'When they're older I'm going to give most of it to Anna and Ellie. I know they never met their grandmother but it will be nice for them to have something of hers, passing down family heirlooms and all that. But I wanted you to have a look at it too; perhaps there is something you think Emma would like.' Liam's suggestion catches Killian off guard and he's surprised for a moment before recovering, simply nodding and taking the box from his brother to look through.

There's a range of jewelry, from necklaces to earrings and brooches and Killian looks through all of it with a strange sensation settling in his stomach. His mother never used to wear much jewelry but somehow all this stuff still feels connected to her. He comes across the compartment of rings and he secretly wonders if that had been what Liam meant by finding something for Emma. At that thought he subtly shifts his focus from the rings back to the necklaces until he sees one he thinks is perfect to give her. Liam smiles when he gently untangles the necklace from the rest, as if knowing Killian would pick this one.

'I think Emma will appreciate this a lot, thank you.' Killian says, feeling suddenly shy around his brother.

'Mum would have loved her. She always used to say that you were charming and would probably be a great flirt when you were older but that you would love with all your heart when you found the right person. I think she would have approved of Emma.' Liam tells him and he feels his eyes sting with tears. He hasn't cried over his mother's passing for years but Liam's words tug at his heart and he holds the jewelry box in his lap for a little while longer.

Isobel calls them for dinner and Killian inhales, holding on to the necklace he had chosen for Emma and giving the box back to his brother with smile. Liam pats his back and smiles too and Killian is grateful that he didn't waste any more time being angry at his brother over their ridiculous argument so many months ago.

Fortunately Emma has already gone downstairs when he sneaks into their room to put the necklace in his bedside drawer before doing down for dinner. Emma frowns when he enters the kitchen, as if sensing something was bothering him and she wordlessly hugs him before sitting down to eat. He's feeling incredibly tired all of a sudden and he's grateful that everyone else wants to turn in early after dinner too.

'What's the Santa situation?' Emma whispers while they watch the girls put out milk and cookies for Santa before going to bed and he smiles.

'Anna knows but Ellie doesn't.' He whispers back, and both he and Emma hold back a laugh when Anna stays behind to ask which one of them will eat the cookies.

Killian is relieved to get to bed tonight, but there's one last thing he wants to do before going to sleep.

'Emma, I have something for you.' He says nervously once they're both in bed and she looks excited for a brief second before something clouds her expression and he knows she's thinking back to when she noticed something was wrong earlier.

He finds the necklace in the draw and presents it to her, now thinking he should have at least put it in a gift box or something beforehand.

'It was my mother's. Liam is going to give the rest of her jewelry to the girls in a few years but he wondered if I would like to give you something too. I saw this and I thought of you.' Killian explains softly, watching Emma as she brushes her thumb over the silver pattern of the necklace.

'It's beautiful, thank you.' Emma replies quietly, not lifting her eyes from the piece of jewelry.

'You don't have to wear it. I know it's probably not your thing but-'

'No, Killian it's great, I really like it. I just haven't owned many sentimental things before.' Emma says as she finally looks up at him, holding the necklace out to him in one hand as she lifts her hair with the other. Killian puts it around her neck and fastens it, brushing over where it rests just below her collarbones.

'Why did it make you think of me?' Emma asks as she slides back down in bed, turning to face him and resting her head on the pillow. He feels the cold air hit his shoulders and he too slides down until the comforter is around his neck and he tangles their legs together.

'It's a Celtic symbol called Serch Bythol. It's made up of two three-cornered knots which represent mind, body and soul. The joining of the two knots is meant to represent the joining of two people, connected through each corner. It means everlasting love.' Killian is about to brush the hair away from her face but Emma grabs his hand beneath the sheets before he can, squeezing tightly.

'I never thought Killian Jones would be such a romantic.' Emma teases, moving her arm to wrap around his waist as she tucks her head into his chest.

'Only with the right person.' Killian replies affectionately. He hears Emma's muffled words of love a while later as she drifts off but he waits until midnight to fall asleep. He knows Emma is asleep by now but he tells her Merry Christmas anyway, smiling at the way she's barely shifted from their embrace in her sleep.

* * *

Emma can't remember a Christmas this busy with activity. It's only 10am but they've already had breakfast, attended a church service and met Isobel's sister and her kids there. All these traditions and events are still so new to her and she spends the entire morning glued to Killian's side for comfort, although he doesn't seem to mind at all.

'It can be a bit overwhelming can't it, love? It's been a few years since I've done all this too.' Killian reassures her as they leave the church. He had told her that no one in the family was particularly religious but going to church had been a tradition in all of their childhoods so they continued going every Christmas. Emma doesn't mind this tradition; she had never been religious herself either but it had been interesting to attend, particularly as the church was probably the oldest building she had ever been in before and it had a different atmosphere to all the modern buildings in the city. She's finding the rural country life of England surprisingly pleasant, even if she does miss some things from home.

They return home and the girls are buzzing with excitement to open their presents and Emma wonders how they restrained themselves for so long. Isobel and Liam give them the smile of approval and both of them dive under the tree to retrieve anything with their names written on the tags. Emma sits beside Killian on the sofa as they watch Anna and Ellie unwrap their gifts excitedly and she squashes down the small feeling of jealousy that hits her when she sees their happiness, wishing she could think back to her childhood and remember being this enamored by Christmas.

Killian had gotten them both princess sets from the Disney store while Emma had gotten them jewelry making kits and Anna and Ellie come over to hug them and say thank you (after Liam and Isobel pointed out that the tags said from Uncle Killian and Auntie Emma instead of Santa).

Once the girls finish unwrapping all their gifts the adults then unwrap their own gifts. Among the sweaters and DVDs and socks and slippers there is a new coffee maker for Isobel and a Kindle for Liam from each other. Killian had taken care of their joint present for Liam and Isobel, giving them passes to a spa for a weekend, although they both seemed to really appreciate the gift when Killian mentioned he had made plans with Isobel's sister to take the girls whenever they wished to go (which was rather difficult to accomplish apparently).

Liam and Isobel also got them a joint present and Emma is surprised when she and Killian open the small gift box to find a keychain with the Union Jack and Big Ben on it. Liam grins before Isobel explains that they booked a hotel in London for a couple of nights next week for them, as well as tickets for some of the attractions in the city. Emma knows they did this mostly for her as she had never been and she thanks them gratefully, smiling widely at the thought of having some time alone with Killian.

The next gift is hers for Killian, which is actually just an envelope with a photo of his present for now. Killian smiles at the picture of a guitar in her apartment and thanks her with a kiss. Admittedly she had gotten the guitar for her benefit as well as his after discovering he could play when he was messing around with the band equipment at the end of his shift at the pub. He wouldn't sing, not in front of the whole room, but she knew by the way his cheeks grew red and how he scratched his ear that he could. Perhaps now he had an instrument of his own he would play (and sing) for her.

Killian's gift to her is the last of them and she frowns when he gives her two wrapped up presents. The first one is a camera and Isobel and Liam joke that now she can take hundreds of pictures in London and look like a proper tourist. The next present is a photo album and Emma knows before even opening it that she will most likely cry.

The first half is filled with photos they had taken over the months they had been together, some just the two of them and some with Ruby and Mary Margret and everyone. The last photo in there is the one of them at the award show, the one that Emma loves. The rest is for her to fill, Killian tells her, and she presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth to stop herself from crying before hugging him and saying thank you.

Liam and Killian clear away all the paper and cardboard from the gifts while Isobel starts cooking dinner and Emma sits back on the sofa, watching Anna and Ellie play with their presents. The fire is crackling and the room smells like spices and firewood and Emma has never felt more comfortable and safe and at home.

Killian returns to the living room and sits down with the girls, laughing when they start putting their princess tiaras and sparkly hair clips on his head. He looks over at her and smiles and she takes a picture of him with her new camera before joining them beside the Christmas tree. Ellie wants to braid her hair while Anna leans against Killian to read one of her new adventure books and she takes another picture of Killian reading with his niece (and one of her and Ellie when the little girl demands it, hugging her and sticking her tongue out for the camera).

When Liam and Isobel come back in they all settle down to watch a movie, although Emma feels her eyes closing already when Killian brushes through her hair as they curl up on the sofa. Suddenly Killian is gently shaking her and she realizes she had dozed off. The living room is empty but she can hear everyone down the hall preparing for dinner and she blinks, laughing when Killian grins at her sleepiness. He kisses her and she feels more energized as they go for dinner.

The table is beautifully presented with candles and crackers and even little Christmas themed confetti pieces scattered across it. There's wine glasses out for the adults and the girls sip on their juice as they wiggle in their chairs in anticipation for food. Isobel and Liam bring out the plates full of food from the kitchen and Emma already knows she's going to be stuffed full.

Over dinner they laugh and share stories and Emma's cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Liam had taken a group picture with her camera and she's glad she'll have something to remind her of it later. It isn't until a little while later when everyone is lethargic from their full stomachs and busy day that Emma stops smiling for the first time. It's bittersweet really when she realizes that it's taken her 28 years to actually have a happy Christmas.

'What are you thinking, love?' Killian asks her quietly when they're back on the sofa, Emma's hands tangled in his sweater.

'That today was perfect. It was the kind of Christmas I wished for as a kid.' Emma replies, looking over at her nieces and smiling at them falling asleep on the laps of their parents.

'And we have many more to come, Swan.' Killian whispers.

'Good.' Emma replies, moving her hand to brush her fingers across the necklace she wears, a reminder that sentimentality brings more happiness to her life than cynicism ever did.


	18. Chapter 18

They leave early Monday morning to go to London, Liam and Isobel calling them a cab to drive them down. Emma looks out the window most of the journey, looking around frantically when they reach central London. She laughs at the red phone boxes and black taxis and looks up at their hotel in awe when the cab pulls up in the drop off area.

They check in and take their suitcase up to their room and Killian feels incredibly grateful to his brother and sister in law that they booked this all for them. Emma looks out the window at the city and he embraces her from behind, enjoying the views with her.

'This is amazing, I can't believe Liam and Isobel did this for us.' Emma sighs as she leans against him and he hums in agreement.

'Aye, it's just you and me for a couple of days.' Killian replies, holding on to her a little tighter. They relax in the room for a little while, flicking through the channels on the TV and lying on the bed, enjoying the fresh and comfy hotel sheets.

'Can I tell you something?' Emma asks as they lie on their stomachs watching some old British murder mystery show that Emma had picked.

'Of course, love.' Killian replies, lifting his head to look at her, concerned about what she might say.

'That day when you were being really arrogant and came to help me put the tray back in the copier, I liked it.' Emma admits with a shy smile and her eyes follow his lips as he grins.

'Aye? What exactly did you like, Swan?' He asks, resting his head on his hand as he looks at her.

'Okay well you don't need to get quite so smug about it.' Emma replies with roll of her eyes and he laughs, hoping she'll answer anyway.

'The way you looked me in the eyes, it was the first time I saw something genuine in you. For a second you weren't being a condescending idiot and I don't know, I thought I felt something. But then you went back to being an idiot and I shrugged it off.' Emma says a moment later. He remembers that moment well too, the moment when he realized just how beautiful she was despite the friction between them.

'I remember being an idiot. I also remember seeing you crying at your desk afterwards and I felt awful.' Killian tells her softly and her eyes widen in surprise.

'You saw me crying?' She asks and he nods guiltily. Emma chews her bottom lip before shrugging.

'I was mostly crying because what you said reminded of when I _had_ been in love, although a part of me wondered if you'd asked because you thought I was unlovable.' Killian hates himself for the pained look on Emma's face and he puts his arm around her tightly.

'Emma, of course I don't think that. I never thought that, I just didn't know you back then, but now I do know you and I've never loved anyone more.' Killian reassures her and she shuffles closer against him and sighs.

'I know you love me, but Neal said he loved me too. I love you and I trust you, but sometimes my insecurities resurface and I can't help the doubts I have. Anyway, I don't want to talk about this right now. We have some time alone and I don't want to spend it thinking about this.' Emma says firmly, getting off the bed and finding her shoes.

'What are we doing first, the London Eye or Big Ben?' She asks and he smiles as she hands him his own shoes. Emma gets out the map of central London and finds various things she wants to see and do, a look of concentration on her face as she tucks her hair behind her ear to focus.

He joins her at the desk to look at the map, kissing her cheek with a gentle laugh.

'I love you, Swan.' He says happily and her smile in response is everything.

* * *

They've visited Big Ben and the Tower of London and by the time they leave the National Gallery its late evening and dark already.

'I know you're probably quite tired but I wanted to take you to one last place before we call it a night.' Killian tells her and she raises an eyebrow questioningly. He just smiles coyly and she follows his lead to the tube station, lacing their hands together as they walk through the busy crowds of people in the city.

Even though she lives in New York and is very accustomed to big cities and busy streets and impressive buildings she still feels in awe of London. The setting is familiar but the place itself is new and she's enjoyed their day discovering it. They get on the underground and travel a few stops before Killian tugs her hand to exit at their stop. The name reads 'Hyde Park Corner' and she frowns, unsure why he's taking her to the park at this time.

They exit the station and Emma can see lights through the trees of the park and wonders what's going on.

'It's called Winter Wonderland. I thought you would like to go.' Killian tells her as they walk towards the entrance, the name of the fair in big white lights and she feels the little child in her squeal with excitement over it all. They walk in and there's a big ferris wheel and games and candy all around them. There are market stalls with Christmas decorations and fairy lights and wooden huts with cinnamon scented pastries and hot drinks and Emma has to dart her eyes around the place to take it all in.

'It's beautiful.' She says and Killian tucks her arm in his with a smile as they continue walking. They reach a huge ice sculpture of a castle with an arch saying 'Ice Kingdom' across it and Emma gasps loudly when they walk in. There are archways and walls and thrones and bears all made from ice and despite the coldness of it all she enjoys seeing it, unable to resist taking some pictures with her camera.

They reach the ice bar next where they're given thick overcoats and gloves as they enter. Killian buys them drinks that come in frozen shot glasses and Emma takes a picture of them together, knowing Ruby would love this place.

'This is amazing, this whole place. It makes me feel like a kid again.' Emma smiles as they huddle up with their drinks on a block of ice.

'I'm glad you like it. Liam and Isobel took the girls a couple of years ago and they loved it. I thought maybe it was what you imagined Christmas to be like as kid. I know you've never really had a great time at the holidays but it's time to change that.' Killian tells her with a smile, the tip of his nose and ears red with the cold. Emma takes a picture of him then, wanting to be able to remember him like this.

They walk around the fair a little while longer, Killian playing one of the games they come across and winning her a soft toy after tossing all the rings on the bottles. He goes for the large unicorn toy as a joke before choosing the small brown bear holding a love heart. It's only a toy from an amusement park but Emma holds on to it tightly anyway.

It's getting late and they decide to return to their hotel, Emma taking one last picture of the fair before leaving.

'I've had so much fun today, thank you Killian.' Emma smiles once they're back in their room and she slides off her shoes with relief.

'I'm glad to hear it, Swan.' Killian replies as he takes off his own shoes and jacket. Emma looks out the window at the array of city lights in the night before closing the curtains and turning around to face the bed. She's tired after a long day of exploring the city but there's a sensation in her stomach that stirs in the silence of the room as Killian busies himself putting away all the souvenirs and mementos they had gotten today.

She changes into her pajamas when Killian goes to the bathroom but she's met with a frown when he comes back out and she's pulling her hair up into a ponytail. He quickly tugs her hair back down without explanation before running his fingers through it and kissing her.

'What I had planned doesn't require clothes.' Killian murmurs and despite the chill in the air she flushes with heat as Killian's warm hand gently unbuttons her flannel pajama shirt, his fingers brushing her breasts as he goes.

'I like the sound of your plan.' Emma replies, inhaling when Killian's hand brushes the shirt off her shoulders. They're a tangle of limbs as they pull off each other's remaining clothes and fall onto the bed, hands brushing against tender skin and rough kisses against their lips.

Despite having more privacy than being down the hall from their family, Emma is still aware of the fact that there are people on the other side of the wall and she tries to keep her moans low as Killian's hands move further down her body. Killian however seems to have no intention of holding himself back at the groan he makes when she touches his arousal and it makes the fire inside of her burn brighter as she shifts to bring him closer.

This time isn't quite like their first. This time is less frantic, despite the passion between them. It's not that they need to have sex with one another because of tension and desire, but because they can express their love for each other this way. She feels it in the way Killian looks at her and caresses her. It's her favorite thing in the world, to be loved like this, by him.

* * *

It's been another long day of sightseeing and exploring but Killian doesn't want their trip to be over yet. They go back to Liam's tomorrow and while it's still nice to be away on vacation these couple of days with Emma in London have been amazing. She's so excited to see everything and he sometimes forgets that this is her first time on vacation, her first time ever being outside of America. He's enjoyed seeing her so happy, but there's something that's been on his mind that he needs to share with her.

'Emma?' He says softly as he watches her look through all the photographs on her camera at the desk in their hotel room. She hums questioningly in response before looking up at him, a faint smile on her face after looking at one particular photo.

'I need to tell you something.' The smile vanishes quickly from her face and he feels guilty at making her panic like that.

'I received an email from Regina a couple of days ago. With this 'new vision' for the newspaper they're making some changes, and that includes letting me go.' Killian plays with the thin stitching of the soft toy he won for her yesterday as he speaks, brushing his thumb over the red love heart in the middle.

'What? But you've generated so much traffic for her just with your networking skills alone. Even if she doesn't want to keep the fashion segment I'm sure she could have found you a different position. Why didn't you tell me sooner?' Emma asks as she comes to sit beside him on the bed.

'I knew how exited you were for this trip and I didn't want you to be thinking about me the entire time like I knew you would. Besides, there's not much I can do right now anyway. Most offices are still shut over the holiday break so even if I came across jobs to apply for no one would get back to me.' Killian shrugs and he's surprised when Emma hugs him and buries her face in his neck.

'Don't worry love, I'm sure I'll find something soon.' He tells her, not quite sure if that's what she's concerned over.

'I know, you're charming and hardworking and places will be desperate to hire you.' Emma replies with a little laugh and he smiles. They're silent for a while and Emma pulls back and takes his hand.

'It's where we first met. It's going be strange not looking over at your desk and seeing you there.' Emma says sadly and for the first time since reading the news of his job loss he feels himself tear up at the thought of leaving.

'I know, love.' He replies and Emma chews her lip to stop herself from crying. It's not a terrible situation, he has after all got some great connections at various publications and it gives him the chance to pursue something he's actually interested in. Career wise it's perhaps a blessing, but the difficult part is knowing he won't get to see Emma as much.

Emma clings to his sweater and it takes him a moment to realize that she is now crying and he puts his arm around her. It seems to be bothering her more than him and he's about to ask why when Emma lifts her head to look at him.

'I don't want this to come between us.' She sniffs and her eyes are frantically searching his in a silent plea and he shakes his head.

'Emma of course it won't.' Killian says softly but Emma doesn't look convinced.

'You'll find a new job and we won't see each other as much so we'll agree to still meet for lunch, but then something will come up and one of us probably won't be able to make it one day, which turns to two and then we're agreeing that neither of us have time to meet for lunch so we say evenings are better instead. But then you need to stay late a couple of nights and when you are free I've made plans with Ruby already and you get angry because it's not your fault you've had to work late and I'll get angry because it will seem like you're making me choose between you and my friends. You'll go back to work in anger and have sex with the receptionist, who eats at Granny's and Ruby overhears her mentioning how she slept with Killian Jones. Ruby will tell me and I'll ask you but you'll deny it and say you would never do that because you love me and I'll believe you but then I become paranoid which only pushes you closer to the receptionist until you realize you don't love me anymore because you've found someone else and I'll be left alone.'

Killian is too surprised to respond at first, the little story Emma had come up with sounding like the plotline of a cliché soap opera but was also disturbingly plausible in real life. He laughs and brushes his thumb across her frown lines when she looks at him, her eyes still red from crying.

'While that's quite the tale you tell Emma, it certainly won't happen with us.' Killian reassures her, but she only frowns more.

'You can't know that for sure.' She argues and he doesn't understand why she has to be so stubborn.

'Yes, I can. No job is worth losing you over because there is nothing more important in my life than you. We will make it work because I won't accept any other option. Besides, most couples think working _together_ would be more difficult and we've already done that.' Killian smiles, glad to see a small smile on Emma's lips too.

Killian turns the TV on, finding a random movie to have as background noise as they embrace. Emma shifts to rest her head on his chest and despite her wriggle to get comfy he knows her mind is far too preoccupied to watch the movie right now.

'Do ever feel jealous of Liam and Isobel?' He asks suddenly.

'In what way?' Emma replies, not lifting her head of his chest as she speaks. He caresses her hair, her long curls bouncing back as he brushes through them.

'They have everything all figured out. I sometimes find myself wanting a life like Liam's and then I realize I'm nowhere near it, particularly now that I've lost my job.' Killian sighs and Emma sits up beside him. She smiles and laces their hands together as she gives him a nod.

'Yeah, I'm jealous of that too.' Emma admits and a part of him is pleased that she feels the same way.

'But we'll get there some day. I know I'm not nearly as lost as I was before I met you.' Emma laughs and his stomach swoops at the way she so casually says such a thing. _We'll get there some day._ He wonders if she's imagined their future together like he has, perhaps that's why she's so terrified that things will come between them because she sees the life she wants with him.

Emma kisses him when he doesn't say anything for a while, moving to straddle his lap on the bed.

'I love you.' She whispers and he clings on to her, the worries over his employment disappearing when she giggles in his ear and kisses him until he isn't thinking of anything but her.

* * *

They return to Liam's house late evening, a mad rush of hugs from the girls and questions from Liam and Isobel about their stay in London. Emma tells them about it and shows them some of her pictures while Killian remains reserved and she knows he's thinking about the fact that he will have to tell Liam about his job soon. She had tried to make him feel better about it, even discussed some options with him but she knows it goes deeper than simply dealing with the inconvenience of finding another job.

Killian takes the girls upstairs when it's their bedtime to read them a story while Emma continues catching up with Liam and Isobel. They tell her about having Isobel's sister over and Isobel moans about how unsupportive her sister is of their plans to adopt and that Emma is a better sister to her in the little time they've known each other. Emma is surprised, both by Isobel's rant and the way she considers her to be like a sister now.

Killian comes back down a little while later and she knows by the way he tenses his shoulders and sighs that he's about to tell Liam the news. Liam is supportive and understanding and the exact opposite of what Killian had been worried about and Emma squeezes his hand when she senses the tension leave him.

'Killian, I know you're trying. This isn't some situation where you were fired for turning up drunk or missing work to party. I know you'll find another job soon, one that you enjoy and feel passionate about.' Liam offers and Emma smiles warmly at the interaction between the brothers. Killian is in a noticeably better mood for the rest of the night and she's glad Liam sees how hard Killian tries to please him.

They make their way to bed eventually but Liam stops her on her way upstairs and she follows him into the kitchen to speak with him.

'Had Killian been fired a few months ago he wouldn't have cared. I know he'll probably miss working with you but it's more than that. He wants to accomplish so much more now and it certainly wasn't my nagging that finally convinced him to change. I know you love him, but seeing how far he's come in just a few months makes me weary that he could fall back there. He's entirely wrapped in you, and you've given him the motivation to be better, but you can also take that away from him. I suppose what I'm trying to say is please don't hurt him.' Liam pleads quietly and Emma raises her eyebrows in surprise.

'I could never do that, not now.' She replies sincerely and Liam nods.

'Can I tell you something?' Emma adds and she doesn't know where this is coming from but she feels the need to confide in Liam. He nods again and she chews her lip before continuing.

'Killian and I didn't start off very well. I hated him.' Emma says bluntly and Liam snorts with laughter before softening and gesturing for her to continue, amused but clearly interested in what she has to say.

'He wasn't particularly fond of me either. I was the only woman in the office that showed no interest and the only one he never flirted with. I thought he was a womanizer and he thought I was miserable. But then we got assigned similar things for work and somewhere in all of that mess I got to see who he really was. It sounds silly but I still remember the night when he first gave me a compliment. I reluctantly met him for coffee before going to a party with a friend and he told me I looked beautiful. He said it so sincerely and for just a second I felt like I wanted to hear him tell me that for the rest of my life. Now I feel that way every second of every day.' Emma smiles, thinking back to the way he made her blush.

Liam is smiling at her softly and while her love for Killian has been clear, it seems this is the first time Liam truly realizes just how much she loves his brother. He gives her a hug and murmurs something about her being his sister in law and Emma laughs lightly before they go upstairs to bed.

Killian looks at her curiously when she enters their bedroom, lowering the book he's reading as she shuts the door. She strips her clothes quickly and doesn't bother with pyjamas, much to Killian's surprise as she climbs into bed beside him in just her panties and kisses him.

'Do you remember that night we met for coffee, back before we were dating?' Emma asks when she pulls back and Killian looks surprised before smiling.

'Aye, of course.' He replies, his hand moving to grip her bare hip tightly and her stomach swoops.

'I think that's when I fell for you.' Emma admits and Killian's eyebrows drop in a frown as he tries to recall everything that happened that night.

'Why that night?' He asks, pulling her thigh up against his to get closer. His warm hand stays on her leg and she enjoys the very slight brush of his fingers as he waits for her response.

'You were different that night. You were nervous and I thought it was kind of cute. And then you told me I looked beautiful and I believed you.' Emma replies, trailing her own fingers along his chest.

'I was nervous because I was worried about you. What I said about Graham was true and I didn't want you to just roll your eyes and ignore me. Do you know how much it hurt me to see you with him at that bloody party, especially after I told you about him? Even just the possibility of him hurting you made me want to punch him.' Killian tells her, grabbing her thigh almost possessively as he kisses her forehead.

'I know you were trying to get a rise from me by going with him and it bloody worked, lass. God, I remember feeling sick that night waiting to hear if you came back to your room.' Killian continues and she swallows thickly.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel that way. The moment I saw you there I knew I wanted to be with you instead. I wish I had just agreed to go on that date with you when you asked.' Emma sighs and to her surprise Killian laughs.

'I think I liked _you_ asking me instead actually.' He grins and she smiles back, her heart tightening at his warm expression.

'And yes, you were beautiful that night we met for coffee.' Killian adds and she kisses him slowly, enjoying the fact that she can do it whenever she pleases now instead of hiding her desire for him.

'Just that night?' Emma teases, and Killian replies by kissing her harder.

* * *

'If I'm to make it to midnight I'm going to need a glass of rum, or several.' Killian murmurs to Emma as they battle through the group of kids to the kitchen.

'I'm right there with you.' Emma replies and he smiles over at her as they make it to the table of alcohol. It's only 7pm, 5 more hours until New Year, which means at least 6 more hours with all of Liam and Isobel's friends and their kids and Killian doesn't know if he can cope. He's used to the noise and busy activity of clubs and bars in the city, not parties with parents and kids.

'How about we take this and sneak outside for a bit?' Emma suggests with a grin and he indulges her with a smirk of his own, taking her hand while she holds on to the bottle of rum in the other. Emma giggles as they head to the front door but he stops her, pulling her hat over her head and her scarf around her neck before continuing.

The good thing about Liam living out in the country is that his neighbours are about half a mile away, giving them plenty of space to wonder the woods and country lanes, although Killian doesn't plan on going too far out tonight.

They head past the line of cars belonging to all the guests and down one of the trails leading to the woods. Emma takes a drink from the bottle before giving it to him and he is grateful for the warm buzz from the rum.

'We go back home in two days.' Emma says quietly and he can't quite tell if she sounds sad or not.

'Aye. I hope you've enjoyed it here.' He says, his breath coming out in a white cloud in the cold darkness of the night.

'Of course I have, Killian.' Emma says a bit lighter, taking another drink of rum afterwards. 'Have you?' She adds and he senses her stare more than he sees her looking at him when she passes back the rum again.

'Yes, I'm so glad you came.' Killian smiles, but Emma tugs on his hand to stop.

'I meant seeing your family and coming back to England.' Emma sighs, almost as if she was exasperated with him but he can't see her well enough to judge her expression.

'Well yes, that too but I loved having you here with me just as much.' He tells her, wondering why she sounds so prickly.

'Killian.' Emma groans, but it's not in the way he likes and he frowns.

'What is it?' He asks with concern but she disentangles their hands and steps away, swinging the rum bottle as she turns around.

'Why do you do that? Why do you always make things about me?' Emma asks with frustration and he snorts humorously.

'That's kind of what happens when you love someone, lass.' Killian shrugs with a grin, until Emma stops swinging the bottle and he sees her head tilt in the dim moonlight.

'I didn't know that.' Emma says quietly, turning back to him and putting her arms around his waist. The rum bottle is firm against his back as she clings to him and he can feel her cold nose buried against his neck. He hugs her back, closing his eyes and holding her tightly in the darkness.

They both jump at a loud bang and pull apart but Killian quickly realizes it was a firework coming from the backyard of the house and relaxes. Emma is looking up at the sky, watching the shower of colours in the distance.

'Do you want to go back and watch the fireworks?' Killian asks, glad when she shakes her head.

'No, I want to stay here and watch with you.' She says, putting the rum bottle down and leaning into his side, sliding her arm under his jacket and around his waist. They watch the fireworks together in silence until the colours fade and no more sparks appear above the trees. Emma takes a long drink of rum, probably to combat the cold that's seeping into her bones just as it is for him. She offers the bottle to him but he kisses her instead, preferring to taste it on her lips. He feels her practically shake in his arms from the cold and he reluctantly pulls his lips from hers and takes her hand.

'Come on Swan, you're freezing. We can get hot cocoa and sit by the fire inside.' Killian suggests and Emma hums in agreement.

'You haven't called me Swan in a couple of days.' Emma says as they walk back to the house. It's a simple statement but the question is there and he nods.

'Aye, well after you mentioned your first foster family being the Swans I wasn't sure if you disliked being reminded of them.' Killian replies. Emma has never shown any hint that she's uncomfortable with his nickname for her but he knows that she would probably hide the fact rather than tell him it bothers her.

'I don't really think of it that way. Besides, I like it. You do this thing when you say it, almost like you're smiling. I don't know I just like it when you call me Swan.' Emma shrugs beside him and he feels warmth in his chest despite the cold.

They reach the house and Killian returns the rum to the kitchen while Emma takes off her scarf and hat. The house seems quiet and he assumes everyone is still outside after the fireworks, probably with sparklers for the kids. He adds another log to the fire in the living room and they cuddle up beside it for a while until they are no longer shivering, although he thinks Emma fakes it a little longer to stay by the fire.

'Do you have a New Year's Resolution?' Emma asks him as they get under the blanket and find a countdown show on TV.

'I thought about making it something generic like working out more or taking more pictures but honestly if I have one goal of the next year, it's to be proud of myself. I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything, but there's a lot of things I've failed at. I think I'm on the right track though.' Killian replies quietly, his lips twitching into a smile when Emma's hand rests on his thigh in comfort.

'I know it's not the same but for what it's worth, I'm proud of you.' Emma tells him and kisses his cheek.

'Thank you, sweetheart.' He replies, making her bite her lip as she grins at his term of endearment.

'I thought I might find you two making eyes at each other in here.' Liam says from the doorway and Killian looks over at his brother to see him smirking with an eyebrow raised teasingly.

'Did you want something, Liam?' Killian asks and his brother suddenly turns serious, looking out into the hall at the sudden sound of laughter in the distance before sitting on the sofa opposite them.

'I was just wondering if the both of you would be okay with taking care of the girls tomorrow. Izzie's mum died this time a couple of years ago and she still gets upset. I wanted to spend the day with her tomorrow without her constantly putting on a brave face for the girls.' Liam explains and Killian feels empathetic towards Isobel's situation.

'Of course, take all the time you need with Isobel.' Emma says softly and Liam smiles warmly.

'Aye, it will be nice to spend the day with our nieces before we leave.' Killian adds, suddenly feeling his throat tighten with emotion. He realizes he doesn't want to go back home just yet, enjoying the bubble of happiness that he's been in for the past couple of weeks.

It seems like everyone has decided to come back inside judging by the sudden sound of kids laughing and chatter from the adults. Liam nods and says thank you before going to see to his guests and Killian shifts on the sofa to make room for the inevitable crowd that will gather soon.

'I never got to ask about your resolution.' Killian says as Emma shifts closer to him and tucks the blanket around them again.

'My resolution is to stop running.' Emma replies quietly, her eyes soft and affectionate as she looks at him.

'I fully support that goal, love.' He tells her and she rolls her eyes playfully. People start filing into the living room then, crouching down at the fire to warm up while Isobel passes around mugs of tea, coffee and hot cocoa.

The group shares their resolutions and memories of the past year but Killian remains silent, enjoying listening to everyone else's stories rather than share his own. Many of the stories involve big events like engagements and pregnancies and promotions and he doesn't quite feel like sharing the fact that he's only just started getting his life together.

Ellie comes over to them, looking bored with all the adult talk around her. She climbs onto their laps and curls up across them, her head resting on Emma while her little slippers rest on his leg. Emma brushes through her dark curls as Ellie sucks her thumb and closes her eyes, too tired to stay awake until midnight.

Killian watches Emma as she looks down at the sleeping child on their laps and notices the gentle smile curving her lips. Seeing how much Emma values family makes him feel guilty for all the times he took his for granted, and he carefully lifts Emma's camera from the table beside him to take a picture of her and Ellie.

Ellie wakes up about half an hour later when a couple of people laugh loudly and she rubs her eyes sleepily. Liam comes over and scoops his daughter into his arms and smiles.

'Alright little one, it's time for you to go to bed.' Liam says softly as he carries Ellie away, who is already falling back asleep on her father's shoulder. His niece had made him tired too and when Emma leans against him he wishes he could go to bed too, but there's only 10 minutes until the New Year and he wants to celebrate with everyone.

'You know, I'm usually cynical about New Years. Everyone always goes on about fresh starts and goals and everything and I always thought it was ridiculous because most of the time things don't change. I think I just never used to be excited about the future.' Emma says thoughtfully as they watch the clock on the TV countdown to midnight.

'I never liked thinking about the future, I thought I was better off living my life in the moment. That didn't exactly work out for me though.' Killian replies, curling his hand around Emma's.

Glasses of champagne make their way around the room and the kids that are still awake play with the confetti and string from the party poppers.

'I'm excited for my future with you.' Emma says softly with a smile before they join in with the final 10 second countdown. Big Ben strikes 12 on the TV and everyone cheers, clinking their glasses and kissing their partners. Emma kisses him and a feeling of contentment settles in his chest.

'Me too, Swan.' He whispers after their chaste kiss and he's mesmerized by the way she flutters her eyelashes before she looks back at the TV to watch the fireworks in London. He looks around at everyone, seeing Liam with his arm around Isobel as they too watch the fireworks. Everyone is so happy and he forgets the fact that he doesn't have a job or significant savings or a decent house like all these people do because right now those things are not what make them happy.

'I love you.' He tells Emma and she turns back to face him, her cheeks red and her eyes sparkling.

'I love you, too.'

The fireworks in the city finish and everyone cheers 'Happy New Year' to each other. Anna joins in with the cheers and takes pictures of everyone on Emma's camera. It isn't until Killian looks through the pictures later that he sees the one of him and Emma and his heart clenches at the way she looks at him. Emma sees it too and she jokes about framing it with their other one/

'I think this is the first year I've started actually happy.' Emma says lightly as the night draws to a close and the guests head home. Killian doesn't say anything, just hugs her close and makes a promise to himself to never let her to.

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter, it's taking me longer than I anticipated to get it written and posted but it also turned into a really long chapter that I hope everyone enjoys. Thanks so much to everyone who has read this story, I appreciate it all and it means a lot when I lose steam sometimes! I'm also hoping to post the epilogue within the next week as well :)

It's almost midday when Emma wakes up, the house silent beyond the closed bedroom door and she wonders what everyone is up to. She pulls back the curtains and sees Killian running around in the backyard, Anna and Ellie launching snowballs at him as he hides his face behind gloved hands. Emma smiles as she watches them play, remembering what Liam had said about taking Isobel out for the day.

Killian looks up at the window, as if sensing she's awake and he smiles, warm and loving even from a distance. Anna takes the opportunity to hit him in the face with a snowball and Emma laughs out loud at his look of shock as the snow crumbles down his neck. Killian scoops Anna up into his arms and tickles her, making the little girl giggle and shriek as she wriggles.

The three of them come in with red faces from the cold by the time she's dressed and goes downstairs and Ellie tells her all about how she hit her sister and her uncle with several snowballs. The girls take off their boots and gloves at the back door and run to hug her, their cold cheeks pressed against her neck as she crouches down to them. Killian adds some logs to the fire and they sit in front of it, playing with their new toys from Christmas.

'Hey.' Emma smiles when Killian gets around to taking off his own scarf and gloves and comes to greet her. He smells like smoky firewood and she pulls him close, enjoying the way he teasingly says 'good afternoon' in a husky voice.

They spend the day relaxing and playing games with the girls before the four of them attempt to bake cupcakes. The kitchen gets messy in the process (she isn't sure how they managed to make 20 cupcakes considering half the flour was dusted across the counters) and Killian cleans it up before Isobel comes back and has a heart attack. Anna and Ellie decorate them once they're baked, getting icing all over their fingers and sprinkles on the floor.

Each of them take a cupcake and they curl up on the sofa in the living room, listening to Killian read from one of the girls' fairy tale books. They laugh when he dramatically acts out parts from the story and Emma loves the way he can't keep a straight face when he pretends to be the princess.

Emma makes charm bracelets with Anna and Ellie while Killian cooks dinner (he makes a mean mac and cheese) and her heart squeezes when Anna gives her a bracelet with the letters E and K with a heart charm between them. She puts it on her wrist and tells herself it's to please Anna but really she secretly enjoys having their initials on a bracelet, no matter how middle school it seemed. She shows Killian when she helps him serve dinner and he chuckles, brushing his thumb over the charms as his warm hand holds her wrist.

'It's sweet. Anna has really taken a liking to you.' Killian says softly and Emma feels an unfamiliar swoop in her stomach.

'We'll come back to visit again sometime won't we?' Emma asks, already feeling sad about leaving. Their flight home leaves tomorrow afternoon and the hours they have left are quickly fading.

'Aye, of course we will.' Killian replies as he puts small portions of the mac and cheese out for Anna and Ellie. She notices by the way he presses his lips together after speaking that he's also sad to leave and she kisses his cheek softly before he calls the girls to the table for dinner.

They both put away their sadness while they eat, laughing with their nieces over funny stories (Killian even does his princess impression again which makes them all laugh loudly). Afterwards they settle down to watch a movie with a bowl of popcorn and the lights turned off. Ellie falls asleep halfway through, curled up in between them and resting her head on Killian as she sucks her thumb. Anna makes it to the end of the movie but yawns when they turn the light back on and Emma takes her up to bed while Killian carries Ellie.

Twenty minutes later both girls are fast asleep in their beds and Emma returns downstairs to clear away the popcorn and straighten the blankets and pillows on the couch.

'Sometimes I wonder if this would have all happened if the two of them hadn't found my drawings of you.' Killian says when he comes back down a few minutes later.

'Oh right, the whole 'fake girlfriend' thing.' Emma snorts as she carries the empty popcorn bowl into the kitchen, Killian following close behind her.

'Why is it funny, lass?' Killian asks with his own smile as he leans against the kitchen counter.

'It's just weird to think there was ever a time we had to fake this.' Emma shrugs and Killian looks surprised by her answer.

'Aye, well it's strange to think there was a time when we didn't even _like_ each other.' Killian replies and Emma hums in agreement. They hear the front door open then and she knows its Liam and Isobel returning.

Isobel looks happy and relaxed when Emma goes to meet them in the foyer, Liam taking his wife's jacket with a soft look of affection and Emma smiles.

'The house is so quiet, are the girls in bed already?' Liam asks when Killian comes to stand beside her and he nods at his brother.

'We must have worn them out today, they were out within minutes of going to bed.' Killian tells them and Emma sinks into him as he puts his arm around her.

They gather in the kitchen to make some tea and Emma tells them what they've been up to, showing them the cupcakes they had made and promising they had cleaned up everything. Isobel notices her charm bracelet and smiles but doesn't say anything.

Liam and Isobel don't say anything about their day and Emma and Killian don't ask. It seems they've had a good time judging by Isobel's smile and the way Liam holds her and that's all they need to know. The four of them sit up and chat for a while about nothing in particular while they drink their tea and Emma truly feels like she's going to be leaving her family when they flight back to New York tomorrow.

* * *

Their suitcases are packed and loaded into the cab and all that's left is to say goodbye. Anna and Ellie hug both he and Emma tight, Anna making sure Emma is still wearing her charm bracelet. He looks over at Emma and sees that she's holding back tears as she puts on a smile for their nieces. He says goodbye to Isobel and Liam next, exchanging hugs and well wishes and promises to message when they return home and to give them updates on the job front.

Isobel goes to hug Emma and Liam pats him on the shoulder, telling him he's proud of him and Killian hugs him again.

'You better not screw up with Emma though, little brother.' Liam jokes, making him laugh and shake his head.

'I'd be daft if I did, Liam.' Killian replies just as Emma comes over to say goodbye. There are a few more hugs all around before they eventually get into the back of the cab and wave through the window as they drive away.

'I'm going to miss them.' Emma says quietly as they drive through the countryside back to the airport. The rest of their journey is mostly silence, the both of them deep in thought about what will happen once they get back home. They reach the airport and go through check in and security until they get to the departure lounge and sit with coffees as they watch the planes come and go outside.

'I've been thinking about quitting my job.' Emma says suddenly and he swings his head around quickly to look at her.

What, why?' He asks, barely swallowing the mouthful of coffee he had before speaking.

'I know it may seem like I have the ideal job at the paper but I really don't. Regina basically controls everything I write. I know she's the boss but it doesn't really feel like my own work anymore and I don't enjoy it.' Emma explains and Killian runs his hand through his hair.

'I don't mean to sound narcissistic lass, but would you have considered this if I hadn't been fired?' Killian asks and Emma smiles like she knew he would say that.

'As much as I will miss you in the office, yes I would have, eventually. I was happy with you so I suppose I didn't realize how _unhappy_ I was in the job, but when you were talking about looking for other jobs I actually felt jealous. I mean I'll wait until you've found a job before doing anything, both of us being unemployed wouldn't be very helpful.' Emma jokes and Killian smiles as he puts their coffee cups down on the nearby table.

He takes Emma's hands and laces their fingers together gently, enjoying the way her hands are still warm from holding the coffee. She sighs happily, her eyes resting on their joined hands as she bites her bottom lip, a smile spreading as she does.

'The best thing I got out of that job was you.' She says warmly and he pulls a hand away to brush over the braid she had pulled her hair into.

'And I you.' He replies, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead before their row is called to board the plane. They settle into their seats and wait a while until the rest of the passengers have done the same and the air hostesses check everything before takeoff.

'So I didn't tell you when I arrived but the flight here was terrifying.' Emma murmurs, gripping on tightly to her thighs and looking out the window as they start moving towards the runway.

'Don't worry Emma.' He whispers, taking her hand and leaning closer to her. She exhales and nods, resting her head against him as she squeezes his hand. He wishes he had been there with her for her first flight but he doesn't dwell on that now, holding on to her as they take off and Emma hums in his ear as she distracts herself from the sensation of the plane tilting upwards into the sky.

'How about when we get back I put that guitar you got me to good use and sing you a song or two, Swan?' Killian jokes to make her feel better and she laughs shakily.

'I'd like that.' She replies, her hands completely white from squeezing tightly. The plane still rattles but the stomach flipping sensation of taking off has faded now that they've reached a higher altitude and Emma relaxes a little. He shows her the map on her TV screen and the little dot that represents their journey so far and Emma watches it until they pass over Ireland.

'It wasn't as bad this time. The first time I honestly thought I was going to be sick. I didn't really know what to expect and I couldn't exactly grab the hand of the old guy beside me for comfort.' Emma laughs as she looks out the window. It's just whiteness now that they're higher up and flying over the sea instead of land but Emma keeps looking out the small window anyway.

Killian watches her for a moment, smiling at the way she tries to curl up in the tiny space and the way she tugs out her braid and redoes it absentmindedly. His eyes drift closed after a while and he slides down in his seat to take a nap, waking up sometime later to Emma's gentle touch on his arm.

'They're coming around with food and your stomach was rumbling.' Emma explains softly, her legs somehow tucked up under herself and a book open on her lap. He stretches (as much as he can in the small space of an airplane seat) and sits up, seeing the food cart a few rows ahead of them.

'Are you okay?' He asks her as he rubs his eyes sleepily and she tilts her head at him with a smile.

'Yeah, I'm good.' Emma replies, lifting her hand to brush the hair away from his eyes.

'I know, I need to get it cut.' Killian chuckles but Emma bites her bottom lip.

'Hmm, I kind of like it like this.' She says and he feels his skin flush at the way she looks at him.

The food cart reaches their row and the air hostess passes their small trays over. Emma gives him her vegetables and takes his extra piece of bread with a grin and he nudges her shoulder. Once they finish their food Emma curls into his side and she falls asleep as she rests on him. They're about three hours away from landing in New York and he knows that once they return he'll have to deal with all his responsibilities but he's grateful that the one thing he knows about for sure is Emma.

Killian falls asleep again too, his hand resting on Emma's knee as they sleep. They're both woken up by a shaky bout of turbulence a little while later and he's surprised to learn that they're only 10 minutes away from landing.

'I can't wait to stand up.' Emma groans as she rubs at a kink in her neck and he gently pushes away her hand to massage it for her.

'Stay at my place tonight.' Killian says quietly and Emma looks over at him, her eyes still bleary from sleep. It will probably be 10pm by the time they get out of the airport and get a cab back to his apartment and he's too tired to think about saying goodbye to Emma tonight. She nods and moves his hand from her shoulder to lace their fingers together.

The next two hours are a rush of passport checks, baggage claim and competing for a cab to Manhattan until they're finally back at his apartment, pulling their suitcases to the elevator. Emma yawns and the dark circles under her eyes have only increased since she slept on the plane. He unlocks his door quickly and leaves his suitcase by the coat rack for now, closing the curtains and turning up the thermostat until it's a decent temperature.

He should probably shower and unpack some of his things and check the phone for messages but right now he just wants to climb into bed and ignore everything except Emma. They've grown so close in the past two weeks that seeing her awkwardly standing by her suitcase surprises him and he unzips her jacket and pushes it off her shoulders until some of the tension leaves her. He slips off his boots and she does the same with her own, looking up at him with a strange expression.

'It's late, we should probably get some sleep.' Killian suggests and she nods, following him to his bedroom and slowly removing her clothes.

'Emma, what is it?' He asks when she remains quiet and rolls her shoulders like she still feels a pinch of pain in her neck as she climbs into bed.

'I'm just not ready for this to end.' She sighs, shivering from the cold bedsheets. He wonders for a panicked moment if she means their relationship but she wraps herself around him when he joins her under the sheets and he relaxes at her touch.

'We've barely been apart for the past couple of weeks and now we're back here and I won't get to be with you as much.' Emma is pressed as close as she can get to him and he feels her body shake, whether from coldness or tears he can't tell. He feels goosebumps on her arms and he brushes his hand across her skin until she warms up a little.

'I don't know if I will be able to sleep without having you here with me.' Killian admits and Emma brushes her lips over his softly.

'You're my best friend, Killian.' Emma whispers and he feels his heart clench in his chest.

'What would Ruby and Mary Margaret say?' He teases, which lifts the corners of Emma's lips into a smile.

'They would understand. I've known Ruby since high school but Victor is her best friend in a way I'm not. I'm the person she goes to if she wants to have long conversations about things, but Victor is the person she wants there with her when those things happen.' Emma explains and Killian brushes his hand over her shoulder and down her back.

'Aye, I understand. You're my best friend too, Swan.' He says and Emma kisses him again, longer this time. They exchange soft whispers of love before falling asleep and Killian shakes off the strange feeling in his chest that had settled there ever since they returned home.

* * *

Emma goes to the office with Killian to help him to clear his desk. He had asked if they could go before everyone returns so that he wouldn't have to deal with explaining to everyone that he had lost his job and she gives him a hug when he smiles sadly. The office is quiet when they walk out the elevator and Emma feels like it's been a long time since she was last here.

They start filling up a cardboard box with his stationary until Emma finds a picture of the two of them in his desk drawer and she points it out to him. He laughs and slips the photograph into his pocket and she looks over at her own desk. They've spent a lot of time distracting one another over the last couple of months from across the room, making faces, smiling, making suggestive eyebrow wiggles (always from Killian's end) and she swings around on his desk chair reminiscing over it all.

Killian stands up and sighs once he's cleared away all his possessions and she grabs his hand to pull him down to her.

'I'm going to miss you here.' Emma says quietly and Killian bends down to kiss her. She thinks about the photograph he had kept in his drawer and her heart clenches. They return to his apartment with his things and she bites her lip at the way he dumps the box on the coffee table and runs his hands through his hair, looking lost.

Her suitcase is still sitting by the door and she hasn't been home yet, she hasn't even seen Ruby or Mary Margaret since she returned. She stares at her suitcase while Killian shuffles around in the kitchen making coffee, a sad expression on his face that won't seem to fade away.

'What do you think about me leaving some of my things here?' Emma asks when she joins him in the kitchen, glad to see its hot cocoa he's actually making instead of coffee.

'Well your suitcase isn't that heavy, love. I'm sure we can manage to take it back to your apartment.' Killian says, his eyebrows pulling down in confusion as he stirs the hot cocoa mixture in the pan.

'I meant so that I could spend some nights here during the week.' She laughs and Killian looks up at her, the sadness finally gone as he smiles.

'I'd love that.' He replies, leaving the pan to come embrace her and she closes her eyes at the familiar warmth of his arms. Killian is in a much better mood for the rest of the day and she's relieved to see he's cheered up. He's even open to looking for jobs with her help and they spend the day emailing out his resume and rewording cover letters for different publications.

Emma feels better about going back to her place now that Killian seems more positive about his job prospects and she kisses him goodbye after he helps her take her suitcase up to her apartment (she's truly cursing the person that broken down the elevator).

'Have fun catching up with the girls, Swan. I love you.' Killian smiles as he leaves and she hums happily at his words. She's thankful that the apartment is empty when she enters, making use of her time alone to unpack, shower and change in cozy pajamas and slippers. Emma is curled up on the sofa when Mary Margaret and Ruby come in and they hug her and ask her all about her trip to England, Ruby already pouring the wine.

They're so excited about everything (Mary Margaret is interested in hearing about London while Ruby just wants details on the fact that she had sex with Killian, _finally_ ) and Emma enjoys telling them about it. Eventually when she's worn out from recounting everything they tell her about how they spent their holidays and she teases Mary Margaret about how she still blushes when she talks about David.

They talk long into the night and it isn't until Emma goes to bed that she sees Killian's text message. It's the first time she's seen him message the words 'I love you' and perhaps it's all the wine she's had to drink but her head spins and she grins as she replies with 'I love you too'.

* * *

Killian has a job interview at 11 and he needs to shower, shave and iron his shirt before he goes. He would get up and do those things if it weren't for the sleeping blonde that is cuddled up against him in bed and he smiles. He'd been surprised when he received a call for an interview only a few days after sending out his resume but he felt the bundle of nerves in his stomach loosen slightly at the prospect of finding a new job so soon. Emma had stayed over after helping him prepare for the interview by asking him questions about his skills and previous employment (she also helped relieve some of his tension which he was rather grateful for).

Killian kisses Emma's temple gently and she stirs, pressing her legs against his as she stretches.

'What time is it?' She mumbles, her hand moving across his bare chest as she hugs him.

'Just after 9.' Killian replies and Emma lifts her head to look at him, a sleepy smile on her lips. She brushes her fingers across the stubble along his jaw and hums.

'You should shave, even if _I_ like the rugged facial hair.' Emma grins before kissing him chastely and rolling off of him.

'I'll make breakfast while you shower.' She offers, pulling up some knee high socks to avoid the cold kitchen floor and one of his sweaters to cover the rest of her bare body, or some of it anyway. Once he's finished in the bathroom he joins her in the kitchen just as she puts out pancakes and syrup on the table.

They go over interview techniques while they eat, Emma reminding him to give a firm handshake and not to fidget when he sits down. He knows all of this of course, he's had several jobs and numerous interviews before after all, but Emma's advice comforts him and he thanks her before he leaves.

She straightens his tie and kisses his stubble free cheek, wishing him good luck and telling him to be his usual charming self and he'll do perfectly. Her words of confidence and her warm smile stay with him as he leaves his apartment and makes his way to the interview and when his nerves return when he arrives he thinks of Emma and calms down.

When he returns to the apartment a couple of hours later he finds Emma on the couch, typing away quickly on her laptop with her hair up in a messy bun and still in his sweater from earlier.

'Hey, how did it go?' She asks when he closes the door, putting down her laptop and coming over to him with an encouraging smile.

'It went well, I think. I was worried when he asked about what happened with my last job but then he looked at my resume and realized where I worked. Apparently those from other publications also think Regina is difficult to work with.' Killian laughs and Emma looks completely unsurprised as rolls her eyes humorously.

'But everything else went okay?' Emma adds and he nods. He doesn't want to feel too confident about this job opportunity in case it doesn't work out and he's back at square one.

'I told Regina I was sick and would work from home so she emailed me a ridiculously long list of requirements for this stupid 'New Year, No New Me' article. I'm fed up of writing it but now you're back I have an excuse to be distracted.' She grins, undoing the button of his suit jacket and pushing it off his shoulders.

She silently leads him to the bedroom, pulling at his tie to loosen it as he kicks off his shoes somewhere in the hallway. It takes him a bit longer to take off his shirt and pants than it does for her to pull off her (his) sweater and show off her bare skin. She laughs lightly and the sound drives away his goose bumps as heat courses through him.

'I love you.' She smiles when he finally joins her on the bed and he pulls her into his arms and kisses her. They waste away the afternoon in each other's arms and talk about everything and nothing. Emma tells him how at one foster home the six year old son of the family used to stick things on his wall using peanut butter and then he blamed it on her when the parents found out, sending her straight back to the group home. She laughs and rolls her eyes but he hears the waver in her voice when she talks about being sent back and he grips on to her hip a little tighter. Killian tells her about the time he came home from school and hid in his bedroom crying until Liam came in to find out why. The boys at school had teased him for wanting to stay inside and paint during recess instead of playing outside and it made him not want to paint anymore, although Liam convinced him to continue for himself, not for anybody else.

'That's why I would want more than one child, if I were to ever have any. I'd want them to have siblings and grow up in the supportive family I never had.' Emma says thoughtfully as she brushes her feet against his under the sheets.

'Liam said that Anna was so happy when Ellie came along and she had a sister to play with.' Killian smiles and Emma laughs at the mention of their nieces. They had Skyped Liam, Isobel and the girls a couple of days after returning and Killian felt a squeeze in his chest when he saw his family on the screen, even after they had spent two weeks with them. They had met up with Mary Margaret and David for drinks the other night and Killian couldn't stop smiling when Emma talked about them like they were her family too (they are, but hearing her acknowledge the fact makes his heart swell).

Killian gently pulls himself away from Emma, smirking when she moans in disapproval as he slides out of bed. She props herself up with a frown but relaxes when he comes back with the guitar she had gotten him.

'I promised you I'd make good use of this and play you something.'

'And sing.' Emma reminds him, wriggling in the bed in anticipation.

'Aye, I'll sing for you.' Killian smiles, sitting on the bed and positioning the guitar so he can play. He strums the strings experimentally before playing properly. It's a song he learned a long time ago, when one of Liam's friends taught him to play. Killian watches his fingers as he changes cords instead of looking at Emma as he starts singing, suddenly nervous for her to hear him. He can't remember the last time he sang for someone like this, if ever at all and he feels his cheeks flush as he feels Emma's eyes on him. He looks down at his guitar for a moment after finishing, not meeting her eyes as he leans over to rest it against the foot of the bed.

As soon as he puts it down Emma is tugging him back to her, kissing him slowly and running her hands through his hair.

'You're amazing.' She breathes between kisses and he relaxes, smiling into the kiss.

'How are you so talented and attractive and sweet and how are you mine?' Emma asks and he chuckles.

'I don't know lass, but I am. Yours, I mean.' He replies, which only makes her smile wider and kiss him harder.

* * *

Emma slides off her shoes and puts her keys on the hook by the door when she gets home, tired after a long day of making revisions to the latest article Regina cooked up for her. The apartment smells good, like Mary Margaret's cooking and Emma smiles when she sees her roommate preparing dinner in the kitchen.

'I didn't realize how hungry I was until I could smell this.' Emma jokes as she looks over the honey, lemon and rosemary on the counter and Mary Margaret turns to her and shrugs with a smile.

'I thought we could do with a break from pizza and Chinese food. Plus, we have a guest tonight.' She says, nodding towards the lounge area and Emma turns to see a familiar face sitting on the couch looking at her photo album.

'August.' Emma gasps as she goes over to him, smiling when he gets up to hug her and swing her round.

'There's my favorite sister.' He chuckles and Emma rolls her eyes. She considers him to be like a brother but she always laughs at him when he calls her his sister.

'Not that I'm not glad to see you but what are you doing here?' Emma asks once they part, sitting down beside August as he puts the photo album on the coffee table.

'It's been a while and I just wanted to see how you were doing.' August smiles, but she can see in his eyes there's something else and she simply raises an eyebrow at him.

'And I also wanted to see this boyfriend of yours for myself, you know, just doing my brotherly duty.' August grins. Emma considers it for a moment before realizing that August is the only family she really has, at least from her childhood, and suddenly the idea of him meeting Killian makes her nervous.

'Well he's at his own apartment right now.' Emma shrugs, frowning when August scoffs.

'Judging by your Facebook you spend all your time with him and when I come see you he's mysteriously absent.' August says seriously, but there's a playful glint in his eye that makes her smirk.

'August you came unannounced, I hardly plotted to hide him from you.' Emma sighs and he nudges her shoulder.

'But you're happy with him, right?' He asks and she nods with a softer smile.

'Good, that's what is important. Although I will have to meet him at _some_ point.' August adds and she shoves him with a grin as Mary Margaret calls them for dinner. They reminiscence over some things from their childhood at dinner and Emma endures teasing from both August and Mary Margaret over the revelation that she didn't stop sucking her thumb until she was 15. August doesn't stay for long after dinner, having to get back to his own place (it turns out he's also in a serious relationship and Emma calls him a hypocrite for not introducing her to his girlfriend yet). She hugs him goodbye and they promise to catch up more regularly (and to maybe have a double date so they both have to commit to introducing their significant other).

August is about to leave but he hesitates and she sees him open his mouth and close it before sighing.

'I wasn't going to tell you but I ran into Ingrid the other day.' August finally says and Emma's stomach drops. She hasn't thought about Ingrid in years and the name makes her chest ache.

'She asked me how you were and if I still spoke to you. She was glad to hear that we're still in contact and that you're doing well. She told me that she planned to adopt you but then you ran away and she couldn't find you. Apparently she still looks for you when she sees blonde girls in the group homes.' August tells her quietly, his hands in his jeans pockets as he sways on his heels. Emma feels her eyes prick with tears and she swallows thickly.

'I have her number. If you ever wanted to contact her yourself.' August adds, pulling out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. Emma takes it and quickly realizes it's one of Ingrid's shopping lists with the cell number scrawled on the back. She scans the list and bites her lip when she sees pop tarts written down. Ingrid never used to buy them for the kids but Emma told her she liked them so she would buy one box each time she went grocery shopping and kept it hidden just for Emma.

'Thanks, August.' Emma nods and he gives her another hug before heading off. It's too late to call tonight, but maybe another day, Emma thinks as she holds on to the piece of paper, putting it beside her bed when she goes to sleep.

* * *

'So what exactly happened, Swan?' Killian asks as he watches Emma nervously shift beside him in the booth, looking over at the door every ten seconds despite not hearing the bell above it ring. She exhales and cups her hand around her coffee mug.

'Ingrid was my last foster parent when I was a kid. We got into a stupid fight, she was trying to push me into going to college and I thought it was ridiculous because I only got minimum wage for my part time job here and I didn't know how I would afford it. Anyway, I yelled at her and said that it wasn't like she was going to pay for it because she wasn't my mother and I didn't have a family that had started a college fund for me before I even started kindergarten. I ran away after that.' Emma sighs, staring at her coffee but not actually drinking it.

'And then August told you Ingrid had planned to adopt you.' Killian nods, recalling when Emma told him a couple of days ago about August's visit.

'Do you think I'm doing the right thing? Meeting up with her I mean. I could have just ignored what August told me and kept all of this in past.' Emma exhales and Killian puts his arm around her to comfort her.

'Yes, I think so. It may have been a long time ago but it will be good to clear the air. It seems like both of you have some unresolved emotions about the whole thing.' Killian says softly and Emma leans into him. It's almost ten minutes after their agreed meeting time and Killian holds Emma a little tighter, worrying that maybe Ingrid had decided not to come and Emma would be left hurt and disappointed.

He's about the say something but the bell above the door rings and he knows by the way Emma sits up immediately that it's Ingrid. The woman shivers as she pulls off her gloves and looks around the diner, her gaze settling on Emma and her eyes widen. Emma slides out of the booth as Ingrid walks over and Killian watches her, seeing the way she almost seems like a little girl now that her old foster mother is here.

'Hi.' Emma says nervously and he wants to grab her hand but he knows she needs to do this on her own.

'Emma…you've grown up so beautifully.' Ingrid smiles, her eyes glistening with tears and Emma practically falls into her arms to hug her. Killian can see Ingrid's surprise before her tears escape, although she's smiling as she closes her eyes and hugs Emma back. They embrace for a moment before Emma sniffs and pulls away, nodding to the other side of the booth and Ingrid smiles shyly and slides in opposite them, Emma joining his side once more.

'Ingrid, this is Killian, my boyfriend.' Emma says and Ingrid looks at him for the first time since entering the diner. Her eyes and smile are warm and friendly and she shakes his hand with a nod.

An awkward silence falls when none of them know what to say until Emma laughs shakily and he feels her thigh press against his as she shifts nervously.

'You haven't changed much.' Emma notes and Ingrid laughs, pulling off the hat that covered most of her blonde hair.

'I've definitely got more greys and wrinkles than I did before.' She says, patting the top of her head self-consciously. There's something intrinsically maternal about her that makes Killian realize why Emma had never forgotten her after all these years and suddenly his heart aches for the both of them.

'I'm sorry, for running away. If I had known…I wouldn't have gone.' Emma says quietly and Ingrid's soft smile fades as the tears come back.

'I thought perhaps you would return the next day and it would be fine, but when you didn't I looked everywhere for you and I thought the worst when each day went by and I never saw or heard from you. I knew you wouldn't go back into the system, you were almost old enough to be out of it anyway and you were smart enough to avoid being caught. Ever since then I've thought about you, where you were, how your life is going. I was hurt at the time, but then I just wanted you to be happy, wherever you were.' Ingrid tells Emma with a sad tilt of her head.

'Well, I've been through a lot since then, but now for the first time I'm truly happy with my life.' Emma says lightly, looking up at him with a smile before looking back at Ingrid, who looks between the two of them and smiles.

'I'm glad to hear it. I thought about looking for you now that you're older, but I didn't want to impose. I've fostered many children over the years but you were the one that I never forgot. I thought we had a connection, I know I wasn't your mother but I felt like we could have been our own kind of family together. At least now I know you're okay.' Ingrid says and Killian notices the tone of finality in her voice, like she thinks the conversation is over.

'Well, I know it's probably too late now, but I'd like stay in touch and catch up. Despite what happened, my time with you was the best part of my life back then.' Emma says and Ingrid's eyes fill up once more.

'Oh Emma, of course.' She smiles, blinking until her tears fade.

They stay in their booth in Granny's for a while, ordering some lunch and coffee as Emma and Ingrid catch up, filling each other in on things that have happened in the past 12 years. Emma tells her about graduating from Boston University, her first couple of heartbreaks and the different jobs she's had before finding this one, which leads her to talk about him. Ingrid wants to know a lot about him and Killian suddenly realizes that he's essentially meeting Emma's mother.

Emma doesn't shy away from the truth and tells Ingrid all about how they hated each other at first, but then she says all these good things about him and as much as he's glad she sees him that way, it's also clear she wants Ingrid's approval. They move on from their relationship to talk about Ingrid, who reveals that she stopped fostering children two years ago.

'I'm a nanny now, so I still look after children but not as many as before.' Ingrid laughs lightly. Killian feels Emma shift beside him, pressing herself a little closer and he frowns and looks over at her but says nothing.

'Did you adopt any of the other foster children?' Emma asks and Killian understands her discomfort.

'No, I didn't.' Ingrid answers simply, taking a drink of her coffee as Emma thinks over her answer. 'The house is so quiet now.' Ingrid adds and Emma suddenly puts her hand on his knee under the table.

They talk for a little while longer until they've all finished their third coffees and the conversation slows. Ingrid moves to say goodbye, shaking his hand before sliding out of the booth. Emma hugs her once more, longer and closer this time, before the two of them make promises to meet up again soon and Ingrid smiles and waves goodbye, leaving the diner with her hat and gloves pulled back on.

Emma comes back to join him and presses herself against him, burying her nose in his neck. He hugs her, as best he can in their position, and her breath is warm and shaky against his skin.

'I'm glad I got to see Ingrid again. I've missed her.' Emma murmurs, lifting her head to look at him.

'Thank you for being here with me.' She adds, kissing his cheek lightly. They make a move to leave soon after, Killian going back to Emma's place to have dinner with her and Mary Margaret. That night when they lie in bed Emma tells him stories about her life with Ingrid, their days out at funfairs and arcades and the nights she would sit up with hot cocoa and listen to Ingrid read a book.

'I know she can't really be a parent to me in the same way anymore, but I hope she can still be my family.' Emma sighs and Killian finds her hand under the sheets.

'When you two were chatting away my mind drifted a little. I imagined us going to visit Ingrid, years from now. I pictured her house having those signs that say 'live, laugh, love' and 'dance like nobody's watching', those things that seem silly in the store but fit perfectly in some homes. Anyway, I imagined her answering the door and our kids calling her Grandma Ingrid as they hug her and she spoils them with candy and toys.'

Emma turns in his arms to face him then, frowning in the dim light as she looks at him.

'You've thought about us having children?' She asks, and he can't tell if she sounds terrified or pleasantly surprised.

'Not really, just every so often I get a picture in my mind of what our future could look like. Seeing you with Anna and Ellie over Christmas just made me think about how good you were with children. But I mean I don't know if you even want kids, or marriage or any of it really.' Killian says with a laugh, trying to shake it off.

'Someday, maybe. I feel like those are such adult things that I always imagine them happening way in the future, regardless of the fact that I'm getting older.' Emma says lightly. It's silent for a while, almost bordering awkward given the topic until Emma shifts beside him, putting her arm around him and snuggling in.

'I like your picture of Ingrid as a grandmother. She'd love it.' Emma says and his heart drops a little. She's being very careful to avoid actually saying anything explicit about it, but he knows talk of such commitment would be fast for any couple, not just them. Killian senses her begin to fall asleep, her chest rising and falling as her breathing evens out. He lies awake for a little while longer, letting that scenario play out in his mind as he drifts off. It can't hurt to imagine.

* * *

It takes a month and 4 more interviews before Killian gets a new job. Emma had been at work when he sent an excited message to say he had received a job offer and she smiles stupidly at her desk. He had been becoming gradually more grumpy and restless being unemployed, and while they had celebrated the opening night of his artwork in the gallery a few weeks back, Emma knew he needed an actual job.

The job was working for a publisher, something Killian hadn't even thought about until she suggested applying for it too, just in case. He wasn't writing his own work like he had wanted to, but after Killian mentioned his artwork in his interview the company had expressed an interest in approaching him for illustration work if the opportunity ever arose. Killian had been pleasantly surprised by the prospects of this new job, and although she didn't say anything, Emma was grateful his mood had picked up since being hired.

She hears a loud, incessant banging on her apartment door one Friday night and frowns with unease. Mary Margaret was staying at David's tonight so it wasn't her, plus she had her own key. Ruby or Ashley would text first and the only other regular visitor to her apartment was Killian, but his new colleagues were taking him out for drinks so she doesn't know why he would be here.

Emma looks through the peephole and relaxes, shaking her head at the rather drunk appearing Killian as he ruffles his hair and stumbles in the hallway. She opens the door and he looks surprised to see her for a second before grinning.

'Babe.' He chuckles, and she definitely knows he's drunk (love, lass, Swan, sweetheart, even honey, but he's never called her babe before). He steps into the apartment and pulls her in for a hug, pressing his face into her neck with a deep hum.

'I take it you had a good night then?' Emma says as she tries to close the door with Killian still wrapped around her.

'Aye.' Killian replies, squeezing his arms around her waist and she smiles.

'God, I love you.' Killian mumbles, kissing her neck as he lifts his head.

'I love you, too.' Emma laughs as he cups her face with an amazed expression.

'You had tequila didn't you?' Emma snorts, making Killian smirk as he tucks her hair behind her ear with an answering tilt of his head. She had teased him about only drinking rum and he said that it's the drink that he reacts to the least so he drinks it the most frequently. Apparently beer makes him bloat, whiskey makes him grumpy and tequila makes him overtly happy, not that she minds the last. She finds it rather amusing actually.

'Everyone left and I was going to go home but then I found myself here.' Killian explains, taking interest in a curl of her hair as he plays with it around his finger.

'That's okay, you can sleep it off here and then I can tease you about your hangover tomorrow.' Emma replies and Killian laughs heartily. His eyes scan hers before he looks over her shoulder and notices the paused movie on the TV.

'Swan, have I interrupted?' Killian asks, sounding worried even as he walks over to the sofa and gets comfortable.

'No. I was just watching The Princess Bride.' Emma smiles, joining him on the sofa and giggling when he wraps her back up in the blanket.

'Your favorite movie.' Killian says seriously, looking over at her with glazed eyes. He's far less guarded when he's drunk but this is probably the first time she's seen him drunk while she's sober.

'You remembered.' She smiles, watching Killian as he stretches, tiredness seeming to set in now that he's settling down.

'Aye, of course Swan. Come here.' Killian gestures, holding out his arm for her to lean against him. He kisses her cheek when she shuffles closer and her heart squeezes. She plays the movie while Killian caresses her arm and she feels her own eyes droop with tiredness.

'I didn't want to go home because you wouldn't be there. All I wanted at the end of the night was to be with you, that's why I came here instead.' Killian says sometime later, his voice jolting her out of her sleepy state. He inhales deeply then and doesn't say anything more, but she senses him falling asleep and she tugs him up off the sofa and into her room. She helps him out of his clothes but both of them are too tired to make it more intimate as they climb into bed, although Killian does kiss her slowly, giving her a tingling sensation right down to her toes when he nudges their noses.

'Good night, sweetheart.' He murmurs and suddenly Emma feels wide awake.

She does as she promises in the morning though and teases him about his hangover, snorting when he squints at the bright light of the sun when he comes shuffling out of the bedroom. He groans when he sits down beside her and she wordlessly hands him a bottle of painkillers and he manages a grateful smile.

'And you wonder why I usually stick to rum, if I had I wouldn't feel like this right now.' Killian says roughly and she bites back a teasing comment as she runs her fingers through his ruffled hair.

'I'm sorry if I imposed last night Swan. I had intended to just go back to mine.' Killian explains and her stomach feels uneasy all of a sudden.

'I know, you mentioned last night.' Emma shrugs, making Killian frown as he swallows the painkillers with a drink of water.

'I did?'

'You said something about wanting to be with me so you came here.' She replies, not looking at him as she tugs on her the sleeves of her pajama shirt.

'I'm surprised I didn't just blurt the bloody thing out last night.' Killian groans and it's her turn to frown as she looks at him. He has black circles under his eyes despite the amount of hours he slept and the tips of his ears are pink as he rubs his face.

'What do you mean?' She asks and Killian looks like he'd rather deal with his headache than answer her, although he exhales and turns to face her on the sofa.

'I've been thinking about asking you to move in with me.' Killian explains and she feels her stomach drop. That was unexpected. Emma feels her mouth open but her mind hasn't computed a response yet and she stares blankly at him. The pinkness spreads to his cheeks now as he scratches behind his ear, his disappointment evident.

'I know, it's ridiculous and unnecessary, forget it.' Killian mutters as he stands up and heads to the kitchen, most likely to avoid the awkwardness than to actually get any breakfast.

'Killian, wait.' She finally says, following him to the kitchen when he doesn't come back.

'I never said no.' Emma offers, making Killian freeze as he opens the refrigerator door.

'So you're not opposed to the idea?' He asks and she smiles, getting the milk out for him and closing the door.

'You know that being able to wake up beside you was one of my favorite things about our vacation in England. But moving in together is a big deal. I'm not opposed to it, but I also don't want you to discover my annoying habits and start hating me for them.' Emma laughs, passing it off as a joke despite how genuine her concern is.

'I already know you steal the blankets in the night. I know that you leave the shower curtain bunched up while it's still damp and that you don't always clear your hair from the drain. I know that you procrastinate washing dishes and that you tap your foot while you wait for the kettle to boil. I already know your habits, Swan, but they don't change anything.' Killian smiles warmly, ignoring the milk and the bowl of dry Cheerios on the counter.

'So you really want to live with me?' Emma asks, making Killian roll his eyes and grin.

'Yes, lass. Very much so.' She curls into him as he holds out his arms to hug her with a big smile on his face.

'Okay, but can we wait a little while? Just until I know if Mary Margaret is okay with it? She'll obviously be happy for us but I don't want to leave her hanging with the bills if she can't pay them on her own.' Emma says, the emotions inside her calming slightly as Killian's hand rubs her back soothingly.

'Of course. Although for all we know she could be moving in with David soon.' Killian jokes, although Emma thinks about it seriously for a moment.

'We're going to live together.' Emma says quietly, the weight of the commitment hitting her. They would see each other after work at home now instead of having to arrange to meet or simply messaging about their days. They would cook together and do the grocery shopping together, make budgets to pay the bills but end up splurging on something they didn't need anyway. They would wake up and fall asleep together and probably fight more too. They would listen to each other bitch about their annoying co-workers and take each other's side no matter what.

'Do you want this, Emma?' Killian asks seriously, clearly seeing the sudden fear in her eyes. His hand is strong and comforting on her back and she can feel his thumb brush across her through the cotton of her pajamas. She suddenly remembers the time he helped her put the tray back in the copier at work, back when he was just her asshole co-worker. His hands had been warm and solid against her then too, but back then there was just a tiny spark of something between them that she never even acknowledged until long afterwards. Even after everything she still thinks about that damn question he asked her about love and suddenly Emma realizes that no, she had never been in love, not a love like this anyway.

'Yes, I want you.' Emma replies with a smile and Killian own smile in response chases away any stray doubts in her mind. She indulges those pictures Killian had mentioned before, the ones of their future together. The imagined pictures of their lives would soon become reality and Emma's natural instinct to run becomes the very last thing she wishes to do now that she knows what love is like.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the epilogue and the final part of this story! I've really enjoyed writing this and hope it's been a good read :) Here is some domestic fluff to finish it off.

_10 years later_

Emma looks out the window at the snow covered houses as they drive slowly around the neighbourhood. Ingrid's house is at the end of the street, simple white lights decorating the window frames and the small tree in the front yard. Killian pulls up onto the drive and cuts the engine, the car suddenly silent.

'Katie is still sucking her thumb.' He whispers as he tilts his head to look at the sleeping children in the back with a smile. Emma looks at her husband with a soft smile for a moment before turning her own head to look back at their children. Katie's head is resting against the car door, her thumb in her mouth as she sleeps. Their son Jack is in his booster seat beside his sister, his hand curled up near his head as he fusses in his sleep.

'Come on, we should go inside.' Killian says softly as he gets out the car. Killian gently undoes the belt around Jack and scoops him into his arms, the two year old mumbling as he wakes. Katie wakes at the sound of the car doors closing and Emma smiles at her daughter as she rubs her eyes.

Emma knocks on Ingrid's front door, Katie holding her other hand and Killian patting Jack's back as he rocks him in his arms.

'Hi.' Ingrid says quietly when she opens the door and sees Jack's sleepy state, although she has a warm smile and Emma feels comforted already.

'Grandma Ingrid!' Katie smiles, letting go of Emma's hand to hug Ingrid. Killian laughs lightly and Emma's heart swells with happiness.

Ingrid's house is warm and cozy when they come in and Emma makes sure Katie takes off her shoes and coat before she runs around the house. Jack is still tired and clings to his dad, who cuddles the little boy in his arms as they join Ingrid in the living room where the fire roars and presents sit under the tree ready for Christmas.

'Liam messaged to say he's on his way, their flight came in late last night and the girls were tired.' Killian explains and Ingrid nods as she pulls Katie onto her lap.

'It's been a few years since I've seen them all, how old are Liam's girls now?' Ingrid asks as she pulls a soft, fluffy blanket over Katie.

'Anna is eighteen, Ellie is sixteen and Maddie is fifteen. They're so grown up now.' Killian shakes his head in disbelief and Emma looks at her own children, not even able to imagine them being that age.

'Well Katie here is growing up fast too. You look just like you're mom, honey.' Ingrid smiles at Katie, who blushes and looks over at Emma bashfully. Katie's long blonde hair is wrapped in a braid but Emma sees their true similarities in Katie's green eyes. Killian even calls their daughter cygnet sometimes, although Katie thought it was just a funny word until she learned about baby animals at school.

Jack looks like Killian though, all ruffled dark hair and blue eyes. He's fallen back asleep in Killian's arms and Emma loves watching him sleep peacefully. She rests her head against Killian's shoulder, enjoying the feel of his free arm solid around her waist. They chat for a while before Ingrid remembers all the baked goods she has for everyone and Katie goes with her to the kitchen to bring them out.

'Things haven't been this quiet in a while.' Killian says softly and Emma smiles. Between the renovations of Killian's art studio at home, a five year old and a two year old plus the holiday season, their lives have been rather loud and busy recently.

'I know, I'm trying to savour it.' Emma replies, closing her eyes and relaxing at the peaceful atmosphere of Ingrid's home.

'Katie asked me the other day if we could invite one of her friends to join us for Christmas.' Killian murmurs, careful not the wake Jack as he speaks.

'She's only in kindergarten and she's already making friends and inviting them over, she definitely does not get her social abilities from me.' Emma laughs lightly and Killian's arm tightens around her.

'She said that her friend doesn't have any parents.' Killian adds quietly and Emma's heart sinks. Emma's mind has been on her own childhood as an orphan recently, particularly now that she has her own family and she remembers what it was like to not have one growing up. It still hurts sometimes, to remember those nights she would cry herself to sleep because she had no one to kiss her goodnight as a little girl. Maddie used to call her a lot a few years back when she was having a difficult time accepting the fact that she was adopted. Liam and Isobel were upset that Maddie couldn't talk to them about it, but Emma knew how the girl felt. It isn't something that is easy to discuss with someone who hasn't experienced it, and it's nice to know there's someone else who has felt as alone as you.

'I remember what Christmas at the group home was like. Katie's friend can spend Christmas with us.' Emma says firmly, Killian's only response a soft kiss on the top of her head.

Liam and Isobel arrive a while later and suddenly the house is full of noise. Ingrid is hugging everyone at the door and Liam comes in with a bag full of gifts for under the tree. Jack has woken up now and giggles at his uncle, who scoops him from Killian's arms to cuddle him. Katie latches on to Liam's leg and he crouches down to say hello to her when Isobel and the girls come in and there is a chorus of 'hello', 'merry Christmas' and 'you're so tall now'. Maddie comes straight to Emma and she hugs her tightly.

'You're almost as tall as Anna already.' Emma smiles and Maddie blushes. Anna and Ellie, although more mature now, still have bubbly personalities while Maddie is more reserved. Anna comes to give her a hug too and Emma realizes that her niece is no longer a little girl. She's just started university in September, studying Psychology and living on her own now. She tells Killian all about it while Ellie comes over and Emma smiles. She's sixteen now but she still has a round, childlike face and freckles on her nose. Emma brings up the boy she had seen tagged on Facebook with Ellie in a couple of pictures and she blushes before gushing about him, Maddie teasing her about the time she saw them kissing.

Katie comes to sit on Emma's lap, listening to her cousins talk and copying their British accent every so often, making them laugh and try to speak with an American accent instead. The room is full of laughter and warmth and Emma leans into Killian happily. He kisses her cheek and tickles Katie's tummy, the girl squirming on Emma's lap and giggling.

'Daddy!' She laughs until he stops, red faced with her hair falling out of her braid. Emma unravels her hair and brushes through it with her fingers gently, Katie sucking her thumb as she relaxes.

'You're so much like your mum, Cygnet.' Killian says softly and Emma smiles to herself. Jack climbs back up on the couch beside them and Emma ruffles his hair, sighing when she sees his big blue eyes and red cheeks.

'And you, little one, are so much like your dad.' She says, laughing when Jack giggles and points to Killian. Emma cuddles up with her husband and children, settling down to watch a movie with the rest of their family. The room is dim, the only light coming from the fire, the Christmas tree and the TV as the movie starts. Emma looks around, seeing Anna and Ellie lying on some cushions on the floor like they did as little kids. Maddie sits curled up with Liam and Isobel on the other sofa and Ingrid sits in her armchair, a small smile on her face too.

* * *

 

It's late when they drive back home and Katie and Jack are asleep in the back of the car again, Emma speaking quietly so as not to wake them up.

'Do you remember our first Christmas together?' Emma asks as she watches the flakes of snow in the headlights of the car.

'Aye, of course I do.' Killian replies, looking over at her for a second before looking back at the road as he drives.

'We'd only just started dating, it feels like so long ago.' Emma says thoughtfully. A strange sensation builds in her chest and she realizes that her relationship with Killian is one of the few things in her past that she can look back on and be happy about.

'You were right back then, I was miserable.' She says, gritting her teeth at the distant memory of her life.

'I didn't know you when I said that.' Killian says apologetically as she shakes her head.

'No, but you were right all the same. I lived in this bubble where I just ignored anything that made me think too much about how unhappy I was. That's why you frustrated me so much when we first met, because you made me accept the fact that I was miserable. You also made me realize I could be happy if I just let myself.' Emma doesn't know why these emotions are suddenly hitting her. She always feels nostalgic around this time of year but she tends not to dwell on these things, until now.

Emma jumps slightly in surprise at Killian's warm hand on her thigh before relaxing, placing her hand over his and curling her fingers.

'We needn't focus on such things now, love. That was so long ago and things are much better now, aren't they?' Killian's voice is both soothing and concerned and she squeezes his hand tighter at the thought that he's unsure if she's happy with him.

'Yes. I've never been happier.' Emma smiles, looking over at him in the darkness of the night. She can see his own smile in the way his cheeks move and she wants so badly to kiss him. Sometimes she forgets that they're married, even six years after their wedding. Sometimes she feels like she wants him so much that she forgets he is actually hers and each time she remembers she feels like she falls even further in love with him.

'I love you.' Emma says happily and Killian chuckles, a deep little laugh that makes her stomach flip.

'I love you too.' There is such simplicity to the way he says it that her heart squeezes. They tell each other every day, when they leave for work in the morning and before falling asleep at night, usually in passionate whispers when they make love and when they embrace each other after hard days. But sometimes the words are like a routine, and while she never doubts his sincerity, it's nice to hear him say them with such honest happiness.

* * *

 

Once they're home they get the kids into their pajamas and tuck them into their beds. Killian hugs Katie just as Jack begins crying in the next room but he already sees the flash of blonde hair in the doorway as Emma goes to calm down their son.

'Daddy, are you happy like Mommy is?' Katie asks as he switches on her nightlight and smiles curiously at her before he understands what she means.

'Ah, so you weren't that tired then if you stayed awake in the car.' Killian teases his daughter, who bashfully pulls the covers almost over her face. Killian kneels down beside the bed, tucking the quilt around her chin so he can see her face again. Her little green eyes look up at him and he brushes over her blonde hair.

'Aye, I'm happy lass. Your Mum and I are very lucky to have found each other, and we're even luckier to have you and Jack.' Killian says softly. Katie smiles before yawning and he kisses her forehead, turns off her lamp and says goodnight.

Jack's crying has stopped now and he finds Emma in the next room, cuddling the little boy and murmuring soothingly to him. Jack's fingers curl around his mother's hair as he sniffs from his tears, giggling at something Emma says. Killian could watch Emma with their children all day.

She turns to see him in the doorway and her smile squeezes at his heart. Jack has calmed down now and wants to go to bed and Killian comes in to tuck him in and say goodnight. When the little boy turns his head away and closes his eyes Emma finds Killian's hand and laces their fingers together, quietly leading him out of Jack's room and towards their own.

Emma has a soft smile on her face as she closes the door and prepares for bed, one that he mirrors as he undresses too. He climbs into bed, looking over at their wedding photo like he does every night before going to sleep. Killian isn't really sure why he does it, particularly as Emma is right beside him but the picture of her in a beautiful white gown reminds him that she is his wife and even after six years that fact still makes his stomach flip.

'What are you thinking about?' Emma murmurs as she joins him in bed, immediately laying her hand on his chest.

'That I still can't believe you're my wife.' Killian replies with a smile, his chest feeling heavy when Emma looks surprised. They make love before falling asleep, their bodies tangled together and Emma's head tucked into his neck, kissing his skin softly until she drifts off. Killian takes a little longer to fall asleep, just enjoying holding Emma in his arms.

They were having a stupid fight a few days ago. Emma was complaining about how long the renovations to his art studio were taking and Killian said that it wasn't his fault, prompting Emma to point out that he chose the company that's doing the work and that if they had gone with her choice it would have been finished by now. Killian rolled his eyes and snorted because of course Emma's choice was the right one and she scoffed and said that was because she actually did the research into the company. She was pretty smug when the head contractor told them they would need to wait until after Christmas to continue so Killian ignored her for the rest of the day.

When they had gone to bed they were both passive aggressively sighing and pulling the comforter away from the other until Emma turned around, not expecting him to be facing her. The anger was gone from her face for a moment and he clenched his jaw at the sadness in her eyes before he kissed her. She let out a muffled gasp but otherwise kissed him back and he pulled her in his arms until she straddled him and he held on tightly to her. It was a stupid fight, not even serious, but he hated being at odds with her.

They haven't parted much since the argument and Killian is reminded of how much Emma hates conflict. During the first few months of their marriage she would apologize for everything even if she wasn't at fault just so they wouldn't argue anymore and Killian's heart hurt for her. She's not so bothered now but she always kisses a little harder and hugs a little tighter after a disagreement.

'Emma.' Killian whispers, gently rocking her until she stirs. She groans but he knows she wasn't deeply asleep just yet.

'I love you.' He tells her softly, watching as she rubs her eyes and squints at him.

'I love you too. But I also love sleep.' Emma grumbles and he can't help the laugh that slips past his lips.

'I know, but I _love_ you.' Killian grins, feeling rather than seeing her glare as she lifts her head.

'What's the difference?' She asks with a reasonable level of irritation and he inhales. He can feel her bare skin beneath his fingers as he caresses her waist, soft skin and beautiful curves he knows so well now.

'I just love you so much. That's all.' Killian replies, feeling the tips of her hair tickle his chest. He feels her soften as she brushes her fingers across his jaw delicately until she hums softly.

'You know more than anyone that I don't like being woken up, but I'll make an exception this time.' Emma teases and he lifts his head to kiss her.

'I love you too, Killian.' Emma repeats, a smile on her lips as they press against his.

They're both tired when they wake up in the morning, shuffling downstairs to give the kids breakfast at an hour that is far too early for people that were up half the night. Killian's black circles are far more pronounced that he would prefer but he doesn't really care when he watches Emma and their kids at the kitchen table. Emma ruffles Jack's hair as he runs his crayons along his colouring book erratically (she always jokes that he may look like Killian but he certainly doesn't have his artistic abilities) and kisses the top of Katie's head as she reads her favourite fairy tale book, the one Killian drew all the illustrations for.

Emma brings over a much needed cup of coffee and although it's mostly his fault he doesn't feel guilty for the black circles under her eyes too. A comforting buzz of warmth settles in his chest as he looks over his family and realizes he finally has the life he has wanted for himself since seeing his brother build his own family. Emma smiles too and he knows she feels the same, maybe even more so.

It's a wonderful thought to have, knowing she has found love and happiness in him just as he has in her.


End file.
